About Me
- Name: Robyn
- Location: United States
Once upon a time, I was rotten. Spoiled rotten. Rotten Robyn. But then, a particular Pastor who hates poodles got down on his knees (on a pillow of course) and popped the question in a very Prince Charming way presenting me with a big diamond ring and proposing we spend the rest of our lives together. That's right - me and the Pastor. A man of God. A Bible scholar. A Ph.D. person. Someone who has the power to cast out demons. Me - I read magazines with pretty pictures. He shops at Goodwill, I prefer my clothes new and I don't like to repeat outfits. Want to see what happens next? Do I take everything he says and turn it into some sort of "Theology for Blondes?" Do you know where I can get a manicure pedicure in Nepal? One thing is for sure, I try to make church a prettier place. Amen.
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8.15.2004
Suggestion Box
As you will recall from a previous posting, I was unceremoniously dumped via email after four dates. I thought we'd spend some time to formulate some possible responses to the electronic message. Here's the message I received, and various witty responses follow:
Hi Robyn, Sorry for not getting with you sooner. I had to work on Saturday. I know Thursday might not have been all that it coulda, woulda, shoulda, have been.I just wanted to get some
feedback from you. I am enjoying your company, but even though we get along
intellectually I am feeling that there is a certain lack of chemistry between us. Let me know if you see it different and I am way off base and just not reading it right.L8r, name withheld
1.
Dear Name Withheld,
Bite me.
I can't take credit for this one. Suggested by Boss.
2.
Dear Name Withheld,
Sorry we weren't forming great chemistry. I'm sorry that, out of our four dates, the two dates we had at the movies where we sat in a theatre and were unable to speak to one another did not bring us closer together.
(note to self: This is a great example of why "what YOU want" is extremely important. I didn't even get to see the movie I wanted to see! Should have thrown a fit, stomped my feet and held my breath, until I got "The Village" instead of that stupid "Bourne Supremacy"!)
3.
Dear Name Withheld,
Sorry we didn't have great chemistry. I will learn from this experience and next time I will wear my white lab coat over my stunning red dress. Do I need to get some safety goggles too? Does the whole lab coat/lab/mad scientist role playing fantasy do anything for you?
4.
Dear Name Withheld,
I can't believe you are breaking up with me. After those four meaningful dates we had. I was so looking forward to meeting your Mom, and our wedding this fall. Would you consider couples counseling? Please e-mail me back as soon as possible to let me know, or I'll call you. Every 15 minutes.
5.
Dear Name Withheld,
I am completely shocked you have used e-mail as the medium in which to break up with me. I must say I never saw that coming. Even after you used e-mail to ask me out on our last date.
I will never look at my in-box the same way again. Frankly, I blame Microsoft for the failure of our relationship.
6.
Dear Name Withheld,
I am saddened to learn you didn't think we had chemistry. I often find I have great chemistry when I communicate in relationships solely using e-mail rather than than something that involves close physical proximity, tangible human interaction or involves a voice.
7.
Dear Name Withheld,
I'm sorry your computer does not have chemistry with my computer. I'm calling the help desk immediately to try to get this resolved. I don't care how long I have to be on hold!
Suggestions are welcome and appreciated. I obviously need all the help I can get with this whole man/woman thing.
I can't do this any more. I am so through with dating. I swear. I'm done. I'm going to buy 18 cats and a unicorn collection and start buying my clothes at Wal-Mart and wearing sensible shoes on unpolished toes. Maybe even move back in with the folks.
-Robyn...I kissed dating goodbye
- posted by Robyn @ 12:01 AM
