where oh where has my little dog gone oh where oh where could he be....
http://imarriedthepastor.blogspot.com
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 5:48 AM 3 comments

 

bdr! dreambride2005!
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 9:23 PM 1 comments

 
It's a bird! Its a plane! Its Superman!!!
Places where my new diamond engagement ring looks fabulous:
1. in the shower
2. laying in my bed
3. typing on my keyboard at work
4. waiting in the line at Starbucks
5. at church
6. Petting the much hated poodle

You get the point.

Turns out he wasn't mad at me in the car on the way to Medieval Times in Dallas. Turns out he was slightly freaking that we would get lost not make it on time miss the whole show and his perfect proposal plan. Oh and I was like an hour late to his house so he probably was a teensy bit mad at me too.

It was
1. The single most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. Perhaps the single most romantic thing of all time.
2. A total surprise...I mean you should have seen what I was wearing! But oh well. That's really who I am on a Saturday with wavy hair from not caring if my hair got wet in the rain wearing capri pants and flip flops.
3. perfect
4. Done in such a way that it included our kiddos and I think will be a good and special memory for the kiddos.
5. Did I mention it was perfect?

Stuff
1. I am dreambride2005.
2. If you would like to see my ring, tonight before you go to bed, look out your window. See that sparkle in the sky? That's it. The poodle hating pastor may despise small animals, but he can pick out the jewelry.
3. Nathan has already labeled a piece of paper in his school notebook 'wedding planner'. He's getting it all figured out for me. You'd think he was a bridezilla.
4. My mother has already put in her two cents worth on dresses. Even worse though...she called me AT WORK to make sure I knew I needed to get on 'the pill' so we wouldn't have any 'little surprises'. Ick. Thank you...and at this time I do need to remind you calls may be recorded for quality assurance. I am 33 for crying out loud....33 1/2! If I didn't have this whole reproduction thing figured out by now, I'd have like 12 kids! I messaged the pastor poodle hater prospective partner to inform him of my very helpful mother and to say do you see why she doesn't get to be involved in anything?
5. The pastor was very sweet and asked for my hand in marriage. My dad took this opportunity to tell him I can't cook! Where did this come from?
6. The ring has not come off my finger since he put it there. In order for it to come off it will have to be removed from my cold, dead finger. Even then I will rise from the dead and kick the ever-livin ass of whoever dares to touch the bdr.
7. I have my dress. I have booked reception. We have chapel. Invitations are on the way. I'm on the pre-wedding diet. And the most serious indicator of all...I have the appointment to get my hair done. We are not messin' around here.
8. Most importantly, fairy tales DO come true. Either that, or I totally wore the guy down and he was willing to do anything to shut me up.

That's all for now. Yes, I will totally run this into the ground, and enjoy every minute of it.

-Robyn...I still shave my armpits every single day.
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 9:08 PM 2 comments

 
So what if I don't like peanut butter! What's it to ya?
In car with Poodle Hating Pastor and kiddos on our way to Medieval Times.

Got up this a.m. and spent considerable time making sammiches to stop and eat for lunch. Well let me back up a bit. Went to the grocery store last night to buy the stuff for the sammiches. Granted, I bought some other stuff too, but I spent $60.

So I get up this morning to make the picnic. I cannot buy regular bread at the grocery store. I never buy that processed, refined stuff. It is not good for you and it does not taste good. So when I buy bread, which is rare cuz I don't eat it, I go to the bakery. So I have this fresh baked bakery bread with sunflower seeds and all sorts of healthy stuff. Then I can't buy regular peanut butter and jelly. So I buy the all natural peanut butter that has the natural separation of oil on top that you have to stir up really well. And I don't even like peanut butter! And I have to buy the fruit only jelly. Why are you still reading this?

Anyway I make all these damn sandwiches and it takes way too much time and I spent so much damn money I'm thinking why in the heck are we just not stopping at mcdonalds? I hate mcdonalds, I hate them so much I'm not even going to capitalize their name. But I really don't like peanut butter and jelly either.

Well this ought to be a great trip. I started my period this morning and the Poodle Hating Pastor is perturbed at me because I was not punctual this morning. He is pretty much not speaking to me.

It is a good thing we are not joking around about proposals anymore because I am pretty sure he has completely changed his mind about me because I am always late and I am selfish.

I'm reminded of something everytime I encounter peanut butter. Several years ago I had to go to Mississippi for a business trip. I was a fraud investigator at the time and I had to teach some fraud awareness classes. The president of the company I was visiting took me out to dinner one night. He told me "Robyn there are two kinds of people in this world --- those who like peanut butter and those who don't". Then he said "you, Robyn, don't like peanut butter". I never asked him to explain what that meant and for YEARS it has driven me crazy. I no longer work for the company but I have even thought of calling the guy up and asking him what it meant.

-Robyn...neither crunchy nor creamy
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 11:26 AM 1 comments

 
people we are not joking around here!
The Pastor Poodle Hater does NOT think it is funny to joke around about proposals. So sorry, but will have to pause on proposal punchlines probably because they make the procrastinating poodle hating pastor panic profusely.

Here's the text message I got from him:
I know we have both joked about it but today for some reason the proposal joke was not funny to me.

Well, allrighty then!

I have been to five "worship experiences". Actually I said I had been to church 5 times, but Pastor said that some of them did not count so I should put them under the category of worship experiences.
1. I went to the Pastor's church.
2. I went to church of the jumbotron.
3. Then I went to another church with the Pastor when he did the Passover service.
4. Then I went to the Buddhist Temple.
5. Then I went to a HolyThursday service.

It is interesting that here, in the Bible Belt, the two most warm & welcoming worship experiences I have been to in the past year include the Buddhist Temple and the Jewish Temple.

-Robyn
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 11:19 AM 0 comments

 
a tisket, a tasket, let's drive self crazy making stupid easter baskets
Drove myself crazy buying stuff for easter baskets. It is strange dating hanging around with being friends with being sig other special friend with someone who has kids. My inclination for my shopping convenience at the Super Target is to buy three of everything. But his kids are not my kids so I cannot buy the same things and my kid's basket has to be *nicer*. Also if his kids were my kids they would be getting the Hello Kitty plush easter baskets this year so it is all so very complicated you see.

There's also this whole other complicated thing that my kid still probably believes in the Easter Bunny and you already know Poodle Hater hates small, cute dogs so it will come as no great surprise to you that he also despises large, basket-delivering bunnies. I hold out constant hope for anyone, anything that will bring me a present during the night....even an incubus. A girl's gotta have faith, right?

Back to being nutty over baskets. I was trying to explain this basket-insanity to the Poodle Hater, and his clever reply was that I was acting like my mom. I was already upset without this little factoid.

Perhaps Easter Bunny will bring me the Hello Kitty basket filled with Barbie eggs and my precious Russell Stover's white chocolate easter bunny and a turquoise Tiffany colored plastic easter egg with a.... must stop this!

Already in great form to be future evil step-monster. Went on day trip with Poodle Hater and small children yesterday. Small Child #2 did not want me to go because I make her *mind*. And to think I wanted to buy her the Hello Kitty basket! Now if I could only get the Poodle Hater to behave.

-Robyn...living in fear of small, midget-size Jesus's who do kung fu and poke people in the eye but hoping the Easter Bunny sneaks in
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:20 AM 1 comments

 
Pores, Passover, PF Changs prejudice and pedicured polished feet on proposalwatch2005
On proposalwatch2005. I have a date tonight. Hmmmm could this be it? Have had facial, mani and pedi just in case.

Poodle-hater (by the way this is really catching on as his nick-name) says that if he proposes then I will not have anything to blog about. Nuh-uh!

I have had polish on my toes for a week solid. I could not take it any longer.

I made Mom eat at PF Changs. Mom hates asian food and has some sort of perceived prejudice against asian restaurants which probably involves cooking small dogs and immigrants living in the back of the restaurant.

I now have internet on my phone so I can blog any time I want. Pastor Poodle Hater says that I can blog about stuff that he does (besides proposing) in real time. Like for instance he just said "tonight would have been a good night to propose...but now the moment is gone". Then he said "you are not typing that, are you"?

Starting to get annoyed with self that I am home so very little. I sleep, wake up, get dressed for work, miscellaneous run-around stuff. Come home, take clothes off, throw into hamper, take makeup off, collapse, repeat. I really dislike that this is how I am living. I am not at home enough to relax in and enjoy my home. If I calculated the cost per hour that I spend at my home...well I don't even want to think about it.

Back to blog entry already in progress...twas interrupted by aforementioned date...no, tonight was not proposalnight2005. He has invited me to go with him tomorrow night when he does some passover service and I immediately had some passover-related-proposal fantasy. Must. Stop. This. Line. Of. Insane. Thinking.

-Robyn
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 6:50 AM 0 comments

 
major holiday, march madness and mobile phones
Today is a major holiday. So you know what THAT means. It means I will somehow convince myself that I’ll get a ring with some sort of Irish-themed proposal. But the trouble is I am really tired and do NOT feel well, so unfortunately I don’t even think I can work myself into a frenzy over this today.

I got Nate a cell phone. I struggle with the concept of a cell phone for a 9 year old, but it’s just a cheapie pre-paid thing. He is going out of town with former spouse and I think the pre-paid cell is a good idea – then Nate & I don’t have to worry about things like former spouse complaining about his cell phone minutes---roaming, etc. or former spouse’s cell phone not working etc. etc. This puts the ownership into Nate’s hands & empowers him to be able to call whenever he wants, so I think this could be a good thing. We’ll see how it works.

I made my college basketball brackets. I have Duke and Penn in the final two, with Duke going all the way baby. I spent more time drawing pretty-pretty princess pictures on the very masculine looking brackets than I did picking teams.

Oh, back to the whole cell phone thing. I got a new phone too. The T Mobile Sidekick. It is a phone, a camera, a calendar, full web browsing, email, text messaging… It’s fine and dandy that it does all that stuff but let’s focus on what’s important. It’s pink. I would tell you the drama behind getting a new cell phone but people I just don’t feel good. Sigh.

-Robyn …everybody likes a nice Irish girl
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:54 AM 0 comments

 
Whoppers, wayward lists and what-a-man, what-a-man, what a mighty mighty good man
Someone is trying to get on my good side and left a box of Whoppers on my desk this morning. Yea for the Whoppers. Yes, I am that easily bribed. But now I am torn it's only 10 in the morning, and I'm not one to eat food much before 1 p.m., but I am wanting to eat the Whoppers. eat the Whoppers eat the Whoppers eat the Whoppers

People who probably must pre-approve a possible cell phone plan partnership between me and the Pastor Poodle Hater Proposal Procrastinator person:
-well, him
-his parents?????*
-some board of trustees superintendents papal council of church people* but some of them are out of the country, busy, etc.
-the Pope*
-Bob Sagat*

*people I don't know

It might just be easier for me to combine cell phone plans with another woman.

OK, I might have thrown a random name or two in that list but it all sorta seemed so random anyway I figured a few more wouldn't hurt.

People/small animals who don't have a say-so
-the poodle

People who will want a say-so, but won't get one
-Mom (Dad really won't care as long as he doesn't have to help me move)
-Nate the Great - his only child status is legendary
-Legions, I tell you legions of single women who WISH they could have a chance with the world's most eligible pastor who hates small dogs, regardless of how cute they are

Notice that my name is inconspicuously absent from above lists??? Not quite sure where I'd fall at this point.

The Whoppers are open. I repeat. The Whoppers are open. I am only going to eat 11. I had actually told myself I would only eat ten, but then I thought why does my weird-ass freaky obsessive-compulsive self only work in even numbers? So that's when I went with 11.

Reasons the Poodle Hater is the world's most eligible pastor (not an all-inclusive list)
-the Pope has been kinda sick
-cargo pants with lotsa pockets
-a multitude of small recording devices
-lack of hair on head (please refer to prior blog entries to see how it is I feel about hair on head)
-'66 Ford Mustang Convertible...what am I 16 and going to the Prom? I wish!
-he was and still is BMOC
-speaks several languages.....can whisper sweet nothings in your ear or send you text messages in a variety of foreign tongues
-he's a smarty
-he makes facial hair WORK
-he keeps me stocked with the latest InStyle magazine
-he doesn't wear a ball cap - ball caps are stupid
-he doesnt watch sports. I may even know more about sports-related things than he does
-adorably vertiginous
-parents live in a whole other state, in fact no family members within state border
-bought me this really cool vase thing - oh yes, he Indian-givered it...oh well
-cooks, cleans, does laundry
-Fills car up with gas! Takes out trash!
-takes the time to notice when I get my hair done, even if it's on a day when I actually haven't gotten my hair done
-when he knows I have to work late, brings me tortilla chips and queso and hot sauce!
-he goes to the gym a lot
-he showers frequently and always smells good
-he lets me eat his chocolate covered raisins
-he pays attention to stuff I like
-he puts up with me, and sometimes I can be a real pain in the bum (hey cute only gets one so far)
-he made me my own special taco soup with no meat in it
-he reads stuff...and some of it's not even printed on newsprint or slick magazine paper!
-he takes me to On the Border even though he hates it
-he has visited the Clinique counter for me...more than once
-he does not cower in fear over the 25th day
-he has POWER - power to pronounce people husband & wife, power to drive out demons, etc. etc. and what more could a girl want?

-Robyn...the Whoppers are all gone
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 9:09 AM 2 comments

 
Tulsa, trendy tops, trashy thongs, tortilla chips, trays of tea, one tremendous tokus, Tuesdays and too many italics!
Road trip! Road trip!

Appears relationship with Pastor/Poodle Hater/Proposal Procrastinator has survived first out-of-town trip. Drove to Tulsa with Pastor and his kiddos to attend wedding he was officiating.

here's how it went
-I left work early on Friday. We drove my car to Tulsa. Once we got there, I watched his kiddos so that he could do the rehearsal. Then I helped with the kiddos during the rehearsal dinner.
-After the rehearsal events, one kiddo fell asleep, the other did not. While he put one kiddo to bed, I took the other to swim in the hotel pool.
-Next morning,. a quick check of the pastor's separate and distinct room revealed that the kiddos were awake and watching cartoons, and the Pastor was still trying to sleep. Me, being the nice nice nice nice nice person that I am, took kiddos to eat breakfast in the hotel, then we went in search of the nearest Starbucks because no one is pleasant until they've had their macchiato, and then went and explored the mall (which was not yet open) so the Pastor could sleep in. After all, he has to unite two people in holy matrimony! He must be fresh! If I was a dreambride2005, I'd want a fresh Pastor! What do I really have to do anyway...eat, shop, manicure?
- Divide and conquer before the wedding. I took one of the kiddos to my room to shower and dress, while he took the other.
-Watched the kiddos during the wedding. Did my best during all of these wedding-related events to be charming and engaging and friendly to the new people I was meeting.

Then it happened. At the reception. Are you ready for this? Pastor introduced me to someone as:

this is my friend Robyn

Sigh.

Sigh!

Did I mention sigh?!? My heart sank just a little bit, at least down to my giant fat ass (more about this later).

Pet peeve alert! Pet peeve alert! Huge giant pet peeve alert!

For some reason, this just really pisses me off. Friend indeed! I mean, did you just read all that stuff above? A very, very, very, very, very good friend indeed!

If you can't think of anything else to say besides friend, then just Robyn please! Even "good friend" would have been better. Some sort of qualifier!

Got to go to the big mall in Tulsa. It was quite exciting because I got to go to Aveda and to Frederick's of Hollywood. My normal mall has neither of these. Let's tackle them one at a time:

Aveda
-Walked into the store and the cute little blonde-bobbed (that's bobbed, not boobed) salesgirl comes over with a tray with a little cup of tea on it and says "would you like some hot tea"? Of course I would! So I told the girl how I didn't have an Aveda store, had to go on-line or to a salon, blah blah blah blah and she said
"Ill do your eyes"! Sure! I"d love that! Anyways, she ended up doing all my makeup! Yea for me! And since I was going to aforementioned wedding and had no makeup on, this was perfect.

Frederick's
I bought 11 pairs of panties. Thongs thongs thongs thongs thongs thongs thongs! Not one pair of undies that will cover my giant bum. Dug through the clearance bin! What, I ask you, could be more fun than digging through a bin of very naughty underwear that my mother would not approve of?

I was sick most of last week and still don't feel good. I am amazed at how much snot my body can produce. So I asked my body, "Body, how is it that you can make that much snot"? Then this little voice inside my head said "well you think you can eat THAT many tortilla chips, why is it unreasonable to think that we are capable of producing that much mucus"? Gross. One should never write about snot and sacred tortilla chips in the same paragraph.

I ended up going to the doctor twice which is pretty amazing since I'm not one to go to the doctor once. Things took an ugly, fat turn when I weighed at the doctor. I didn't look, but when the nurse put my chart on the counter I saw the number she had written down.

Oh. Holy. Jeepers.

I didn't mean to! I didn't want to know, but she wrote really big. And it was a really big number to write. There are some things that your eyes just cannot un-see. So I am presently a giant fat ass and not happy about it.

Last week I also got one of those lingerie inspired tops that are so trendy right now...looks like you are wearing a camisole. Yet another item not approved of/endorsed by Mom. So naturally not only did I get one, I got the wildest one I could find.

The thing about dating the same person for so long is that after a while you DO start to think that every holiday, occasion, just about anything is THE moment when he is going to propose. You are on proposal watch duty all the time. Even if he hates your dog. Even if you are a "friend". You know, major holiday's like Christmas, Valentine's, Ground Hog's Day, President's Day, the Spring Equinox, the one year anniversary of him asking for your phone number, March 4---you know, so you can "march forward", Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, anniversary of the constitution, Ash Wednesday, Chinese New Year, First of Muharram, Flag Day...you get the picture. I'd settle for just a Tuesday.

-Robyn...fat assed friend
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 10:26 AM 2 comments

 
push up bras,pastors,poodle-haters,pretty-pretty princess printers,but NO pictures,polish,paintings,panties,phone plans or proposals with props
I got a ring! I got a ring! I got a ring!
-It’s pink.
-It’s NOT the kind of ring that means you are going to combine cell phone plans with someone.
But it is still big and pink and sparkly and pretty . I’ve not taken it off my finger. If I had a digital camera, I would take a picture of it and show it to you. Then you would be happy too. Even though my nails aren’t polished.
-It’s very nice to know that people who hate your dog but love you are thinking about you and buying you presents when they are out of town.

Church Boobies
Sunday I wore one of my wrap dresses to church. With one of my push-up bras. The pastor said “you look very breasty today”. I think he meant it in a you need to not wear a wrap dress and push up bra and body glitter to church sort of way, but no one ever says the phrase “you look breasty” to me so I totally took it in more of a delightful compliment sort of way.

boy am I dumb/red-faced/live in pretty-pretty princess fantasy land/have a vivid imagination
It is a good thing I am able to keep my mouth shut and that people aren’t able to hear my thought process.

Here is a for instance, I was totally able to convince myself that the pastor poodle hater was going to propose and had some big elaborate proposal scheme. Here's how it went. I picked him up at the airport the other night. He stopped and pulled a flower out of the ground and said “I’ll need that later”.

Hmmmm.

Then he says he has to go by his office for something.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Then he pulls over to a tree and removes a branch. So naturally anyone would conclude from this succession of events that he has some big romantic proposal involving a single blossom and a stick. He’s very deep like that, it could happen. (I know, and monkeys could fly out my bum). And we are perfectly willing to draw this conclusion even though HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I was going to pick him up at the airport.

But in actuality when he was out of town he had bought me this really cool vase thing….it’s not really a vase but it’s a rock that has a hole in the middle to be a flower/stick receptacle. And he wanted to give it to me. It was very sweet and romantic.

So here’s what we learned. 1. I'm not smoking crack, I just have a very wild and strange imagination. 2. I need to relax. 3. Be thankful for what you have. 4. Push up bras really work, but they won’t get you a cell phone plan. 5. I am a fool, fool, fool for love.

Actually months ago I had another wild proposal fantastical fantasy involving a painting. I won’t EVEN tell you about it because it is WAY too embarrassing.

But I think the poodle-hating pastor won’t propose because he is the type of person who if he did something like that, it would mean that he had he would HAVE to go through with it. As long as he doesn’t propose then he always has a way out, a back door, an exit.

Sigh.

I vacillate – part of me knows that life is not like the movies and no one is going to blindfold me, sneak me in the back door of Tiffany’s and tell me to “pick one”. I really, really know that. But this other part of me who is a totally stupid girly girl thinks that it would be cool to have some big romantic fantasy.

For the most part, I feel really good about my life right now. My house is picked up, my bills are paid, my skin is clearing up and I am managing to survive in a nail-polish free world. I am very, very blessed. I do feel fat though after hibernating all winter…

It took me five months but I finally got invited to go to lunch with someone from work. Yea for me. I also got flowers at work. Yea for me! I came out of a meeting and they were waiting on my desk! There’s nothing like flowers to give you the will to live and come back into work the next day. One of the computer guys also let me name my printer so now when I print it goes to the “pretty pretty princess printer”. It’s important to find joy in the small things.

-Robyn
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 8:20 AM 2 comments

 
kim chi looks pale, has hair that smells like a stripper and is on the lookout for scary midgets
I got my hair streaked again this week. I had my brilliant hairdresser put more blonde in it and it just looks awesome. So I tell the poodle hater that I'm going to have pretty hair and he just HAS to take me out. So after my hair appointment, I go to pick him up (he has to take me out yet I am picking him up do you sense a problem already). He gets in the car, well first he makes me get out and get in the passenger seat because I drive like a crazy person, and he tells me...are you ready for this...

"You look pale."

Not your hair looks awesome. Not gee your hair smells terrific. Not you look pretty even though you worked an 8 hour day. But you look pale.

So then he takes me to a Korean restaurant. The restaurant was in a strip mall in a slightly seedy side of town. In the same strip mall was a business that sold caskets. Hmmmm. The restaurant had signs on the wall made out of construction paper. Aside from things on the menu like intestines a hair in a food dish, the meal was lovely. We had Kim Chi and I was pleasantly surprised. Caskets and wayward hairs aside, I would totally go again. Kim Chi is very cool and they bring out like 82 bowls of different things to your table and if you want more they bring you more.

Me Chinese, me play joke, me put crack in your food?
I have pretty much eaten asian food every day this week. Fortune Chinese restaurant on Sunday. Fortune Chinese restaurant on Monday. Can't remember what I did on Tuesday. Korean restaurant on Wednesday. PF Changs with Nate the Great on Thursday. Leftover PF Changs yesterday. Due to the complexity of my takeout order at the Fortune Chinese restaurant on Monday night (they had to call me back and ask questions) I'm quite certain I'm now on their "not allowed to order" list. Nate and I had the Great Wall of Chocolate at Changs, which, while not exactly asian, was delish.

I guess I looked moderately retarded with my chopsticks, because the waitress brought me a fork without my asking. I'm normally pretty good with the chopsticks.

I am slightly freaked out by one of the fortunes I received in one of my fortune cookies - it said that a short stranger would be entering my life. I told the guy who offices next to me to be on the lookout for midgets.

Stuff -
-My checkbook is balanced, like normal, to the penny. I am an absolute freak about it being to the penny. It is important to have balance in your life.
-I have not worn underwear for the better part of three days. If I wear pants, I probably don't have on panties.
-My skin is starting to look fantastic. I am so relieved. Yea for me.
-My nails look hideous. My house is a wreck. There is a giant pile of laundry. But, but but but but...hey I am a busy and important and powerful woman. I've got lots - TONS - goin' on. The checkbook is balanced and I filed my taxes and I worked about a bazillion hours this week and I have a boyfriend!
-I have friend at work. He gave me his phone number. I think it may even be a real number. And he has really pretty blue eyes and the loveliest, longest eyelashes. If I marry the poodle hater, he is going to be one of my brides-mates.
-And I get Nathan back tomorrow. Life. is. good.

-Robyn
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:44 AM 1 comments

 
mad farmer liberation of cheese wearing a giant hiney harness
stuff you should know
-I am filing my taxes all by myself, just like a big girl.
-I went through the Rapido Rabbit carwash again. Disappointed to figure out the name is "Rapido Rabbit" and not "Robo Rabbit" as I previously thought. Still, the whole thing is robo-tronic, which is good and it's nice to be bilingual.
-Got a facial. Working on pretty skin. Yea for me!
-Cleaned out my closet. Having a major "trash attack" at the condo. I'm just at the point where I have way to much stuff and some of it's gotta go.
-Celebrated the Sabbath by painting my nails. The first color was not bright enough, so I took that off and kicked it up a notch. If you are going to celebrate, I say go all out.
-I am eating plain cheerios...what am I, a toddler?
-I watched the kite surfers at the lake. Total coolness. They have a sail that looks like a giant headband. It is doubtful I could do because 1. you apparently have to be a man? 2. you have to wear this huge butt harness that just makes your hiney look giant. Probably why you have to be a man because what woman wants her bum to look bigger. 3. I'm hugely un-coordinated.

The Cheese Stands Alone
I don't know why, but for weeks "The Farmer in the Dell" song has been stuck in my head. This whole thing started when I was thinking about the fact that no one wants to be alone and somehow this led me to the Farmer in the Dell and how no one wants to be the cheese. So literally this has been stuck in my thought process for weeks. make it stop Then.....bizarro! Nate tells me the other day...

"Mom the most HUMILIATING thing EVER happened to me today!"

"what sweetie?"

(insert very sad tone of voice here) "I had to be the cheese in Farmer in the Dell."

I told him not to worry. Mommy will always be right there and will be cheesy with you. I won't let you stand alone. What the heck....why is the cheese even dancing in this twisted little song?

Life can be fabulous, even when you are a big hunk of stinky, dancing cheese.

-Robyn...cheerio, not the cereal kind, but the British kind
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 3:16 PM 0 comments

 
walking on rose petals and red carnations coming out of your bum
pity flowers
I got flowers from one of my employees for valentine’s day. It really was a lovely gesture. However, when I was thanking her for the blossoms, she couldn’t just stop with “you’re welcome”. She had to go on with “yes, I tried to get flowers for all of the single people who I thought would be alone on valentine’s day and don’t have anybody”.

But the really cool thing is the flowers contained two roses. Since they were starting to get wilty today, I sprinkled the rose petals all over the floor in my office. Since today is “what should I be today” day, I decided I should be one who walks (and rolls her chair on) rose petals.

I’m so proud of ME!
-Have survived week one with no polish. I don’t like the way my feet look but I’m glad I’m part of the Kingdom. I actually think I may come out of this whole experience with longer, stronger healthier nails. I guess it is just as well that I didn’t receive some sort of ring for valentine’s day as it probably would look better modeled on a polished finger anyway.
-I have done amazing things this week. 1. I went to the grocery store. 2. I bought groceries, even though people there annoyed me. 3. I made enchiladas and rice for me and Nate. 4. Last night, even though I didn’t have Nate I made dinner for myself (and it was good) 5. I have been making my coffee at home in the mornings. 6. My car is still clean, but a bird did poop on it. I guess that’s God’s little way of karma for me saying people are stupid and liking the robotic car wash.

Disclaimer: the following is in no way, shape or form a tirade about my former spouse. It is merely an amusing little story. Thank you.

We have a lovely week on/week off custody exchange. Apparently this means that I am the parent responsible for the 50% un-fun work, discipline and parental type things, and former spouse is responsible for all that is fun.

Last week, Nathan was given a massive homework assignment. Make a President McKinley paper doll, and read a 96-page book on President McKinley. So I get Nate back from Dad and it is the day before the assignment is due and none of it has been done. Must 1. read the book, 2. go to evil Wal-Mart and purchase supplies for paper doll, 3. take book to Kinkos to make photocopy of President’s head for doll 3. make doll, 4. other miscellaneous and sundry Mommy duties that you do every night….make sure people eat, bathe, have clothes to wear, etc.

So I call former spouse and was probably not very kind to him. I explained my unhappiness over the fact that none of this had been done the week before and how it’s not a good idea to teach small child to wait until the last minute, instead you should do a little bit at a time, etc. etc. Of course, nothing was ever the fault of former spouse. He explains to me that Nate did not make him aware of the assignment til one night at 9:30 and at that time it was too late. So, you see, not his fault! Nathan should have told him earlier! You mean he’s supposed to ask small child if small child has homework? Gasp! So Nate doesn’t tell him til late one evening, then the next night they went to a concert, then he let Nate go to a sleepover, then he let Nate go play at a friend’s house. Oh, did I mention not only had Nate not made any progression on his homework, but he was also completely exhausted?

Anyway, I digress. Back to the story, I called former spouse and asked “how do YOU suggest is the best way to handle reading a 96-page book and making a paper doll tonight?

“Uhhhhh, I dunno.”

“What time should we expect you to come over?”

So there you have it. I made former spouse come over and help. Oh, this is also coincidentally how I spent valentine’s day: 1. went to work, worked like a mad woman. 2. left work briefly to attend small child v-day party, 3. went back to work, 4. went to purchase paper doll supplies, 5. went to pick up child, 6. went home and cooked while child bathed and practiced guitar, 7. did dishes, 8. worked on paper doll til almost ten, (with former spouse in my house) 9. collapsed.

red carnations
One more thing about President McKinley. President McKinley became famous for wearing a red carnation is his buttonhole. Only Nate got confused and thought it was butt hole.

-Robyn
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 6:07 PM 1 comments

 
girls just wanna have fun with the robots
Sigh. Hello stranger. Truth be known, just haven't felt like much of my life has been bloggeriffic lately.

Poodle Hater (How bout we call him Ph.D. for short? We can decide later what the "D" stands for.) took me to a musical last Thursday night. The "I Want My '80's" musical. It was really good. The songs were totally taken out of context. For instance, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" was used in a sad moment. And typical girl songs were sung by guys and vice-versa.

TOTALLY excited about the new Robo Rabbit carwash. Yet another automated thing in this world that keeps you from having to deal with stupid people. Except for the stupid person in front of me in the car wash line who couldn't figure out how to insert bills, push buttons, etc. Robots are good. People are stupid. However I did go to Robo Rabbit right after I went to Super Target. Mind you I went to Super Target because I hate Wal Mart and I find that most people who shop there are mildly retarded and also I do not wish to provide any further financial support to the big Wal Mart corporation. Heck if I know who owns Target though. They might be some evil bastages as well, but I don't care because whoever they are they've got to be the lesser of two evils.

I had a point here. Really. Anyways I went to the robotronic car wash after leaving the Super Target where people annoyed me and I found myself wanting to say over and over and over and over again would you please just move your ass. So after that experience it was robots - yes please and thank you!

I am in one of those "anywhere but here" moods today. The weather is abso-smurfly gorgeous, but I find myself wishing I could just get in the car (the clean car) and drive far, far away or get on a plane and go anywhere. But instead I guess I'll get up and go to work in the morning. Sleep. Repeat. Sigh.

Huge difference between boys and girls. You will never ever hear a man recite off all of the things they have eaten in a day, but that is what us girls do. Today I had for breakfast one valentine cookie. Then I had some tofu and some edamame and PITA chips which I made at home. I am quite sure that I am the only person in the greater metropolitan area who had this combination of food today. Sometimes I wish that I could just be normal and go eat a Big Mac and fries or something.

Day 4 of no nail polish. I had a manicure and pedicure yesterday, treated myself, but without the polish. I can't tell you how many times I had to tell the people NO POLISH. What am I dealing with here? Wal Mart shoppers? Anyways the whole no polish thing was just unbelievable to them.

It's later. I'm thinking the "D" stands for delicious, dandy, dy-no-mite, designless, desultory, who's my daddy, date night, dreamy, directionless and drifting and sometimes drives me crazy. In a good way. That's all for now.

-Robyn...pretty dandy myself I must say AND I have a clean car
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 1:21 PM 0 comments

 
The Season of Lent, near-death experiences, a "Ranch" and no polish
Pastor/Poodle Hater/Professor Vertiginous/Rabbi/Boyfriend/Significant Other....
and I were discussing the season of Lent. I told him, and we'll just call him "him" for brevity, some of the things I had toyed giving up:

1. mexican food
2. coffee

I know, it's a long list, but it's not like I have a lotta vices.

"He" hit me where I live. He said that I should give up...and are you ready for this???...nail polish. On my fingernails, that's really not a biggie because sometimes I like the bare nails or go for a cleaner, clear, natural, professional, shiny, well-manicured look. However I cannot recall a time when I have not had colored polish on my toes. Or little painted designs. So this turned into a discussion where I asked things like would it be ok if I used clear polish, and "he" said things like Jesus died on the cross for you and you can't stop painting your toes for 40 days.

"He" also just got back from a ski trip. Apparently "he" had a near-death experience driving on an icy road down the side of a mountain. All I'll say is he should have way more near-death experiences, they seem to be quite good for our relationship.

A guy TOTALLY tried to pick me up at the Post Office today. Going to the Post Office is one of my most unfavorite things to do. One of my most unfavorite places in the whole wide world. Quick three things I despise: 1. putting gas in my car, 2. taking out the trash, 3. going to the Post Office. Oh, and 4. unpolished toes. Anyways, if you were ever going to approach me, try to pick me up, the Post Office is probably NOT the place. Anyway, he asked me my name. I told him Robyn R. He said my name is blah blah...whatever it was, his initials were also R.R. So his conclusion: (and he said this to me) we would be great together! He gave me his business card and said give me a call and let's go to lunch sometime. This guy was approximately, and mind you I'm not good at figuring out people's ages, but I am not kidding you he was about 67 years old. His card had a work phone, a fax and the phone number at his "Ranch". Hmmmm. It was somewhat sweet, but creepy. Mostly creepy.

Nate and I made valentine boxes last weekend. I had to cover a shoe-box for Nate to take to school to decorate. What fun is that? So we covered one for Mommy too, and Nate and I decorated it together. Then I took it to work and hung it outside of my office. Needless to say, I am the only person at the office with a valentine box. This brought many comments. Many people made the comment that we should all have valentine boxes. Then I had lots of other comments along the lines of "do you really expect valentines???". Of course I do! If you build it, they will come! What's funny is that I am probably one of the only people in the whole freakin' office who didn't hang up a Christmas stocking. So it was ok for all of them to think that Santa was going to come, but it is unreasonable for me to think that St. Valentine will visit me? And it has totally worked. So far I have received some candy, some more candy, a card, and a valentine pin. So ha!

Off to perform polish removal process...

-Robyn...xoxoxo

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:57 PM 2 comments

 
toast is hard and bar-b-q sucks
movies
the last three I've seen:
1. Hotel Rwanda
2. Maria Full of Grace (Spanish - subtitles)
3. A Very Long Engagement (French - subtitles)
(all within the past week - no wonder I'm so depressed)

1. Hotel - everyone should see this film. When your kids are "old enough"...they should see it too. We will be in Iraq forever, yet we let almost a million people die in Rwanda.

2. Maria Full of Grace
This film moved very slowly, yet it was good. Definitely worthy of watching. It's about a young, pregnant Columbian girl who becomes a drug runner, swallowing balloons of cocaine.

I don't see how anyone, who has access to go to/rent either of the movies above will be able to even remotely think about complaining about one ounce of their luxurious life. (Unless, of course, they tried to make Hello Kitty toast this morning or ever tried to figure out the complex male psyche.)

3. a very, very, very, very, very long movie
It was ok. Ehhhh. Parts of it I liked very much. But I swear I felt like I was in the theatre for 6 freakin' hours! If you are planning to see the movie....warning.....I'm talking about it here....
It's about this girl who goes looking for her *missing* fiance after WWI. She goes here. Someone says he'd dead. She goes somewhere else. Yep he's dead. She hires a private detective. She looks here. He's dead. She looks there. He's dead. Then after about 6 hours of this guess what? He's alive. But by then I found myself no longer caring.

product update
I used the Hello Kitty toaster. Frankly, I was a bit disappointed at first. I had some of that swirly, cinnamonny bread, and I tried it first. No distinguishable face of Hello Kitty on the toast. Tried another piece. Cranked the heat setting up more. Nope. Tried potato bread. OK, that worked. I was glad because I was starting to panic and get a bit agitated. After all, I was doing this in the morning. It is not good for me to try to do such complex things before I have had coffee.

Today we are having a lunch at work. The theme is Mardi Gras. Yet the luncheon is bar-b-q. Strangely though, I have never associated Mardi Gras and slaughtered animal flesh before. I hate bar-b-q, and here in the land where people slaughter their own pet cow Bessie and stick her in the deep freeze, people just don't get it so they are always trying to force the bar-b-q on you.

-Robyn...no chipped beef on my Hello Kitty toast
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 11:29 AM 1 comments

 
ewww premarin
http://www.hsus.org/pets/issues_affecting_our_pets/equine_protection/the_facts_about_premarin.html

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:38 AM 0 comments

 
token single white female
Welcome to our Church family!
Have two church type incidents I must chat about.

church incident #1
One of the churches I attend is very large and is big on members attending small home groups in order to facilitate personal relationships within the church family. I've tried to land a small home group before, but I've never quite found the right one. When I was going through the dissolution of marriage I did not feel like I belonged in a singles group, and I didn't want to be around a bunch of happy marrieds.

Recently the pastor did a 4 week series and encouraged this small group involvement during the series. The church said you could sign up if you wanted to participate in a group...and you would be contacted by a group leader. I did this twice and was never contacted so I didn't have a group for that series.

Anyway, we are starting a new message series and the church is encouraging everyone to find a small group for the 6 week devotionals. It's a bit different this time as you can get on their internet site and search for a small group. So you have to put yourself out there and contact the group leader instead of a group leader contacting you. So I got on-line, searched and found a group. I emailed the group leader and received a very warm response - we're just starting up our group, we're very excited, you're one of the first to contact us, you'll be part of creating this group.....blah blah blah

But here is the kicker...the group leader said they weren't limiting the group and all are welcome - marrieds, singles, people with kids, people with no kids, all ages.

So last night the leader of the group calls me again to let me know that I am the only single person coming and she wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to feel uncomfortable. Well, no I wasn't, at least not until you made sure that you have pointed this out to me. Uh, but now I will. So I told her that did not make me uncomfortable and she said "good, it will be nice to have the perspective of a single person". Sigh. So now it has turned from something I was semi-excited about to me feeling like some sort of patronized, ostracized freak.

church incident #2
I went to a women's bible study last night. I try to do this things so I can socialize and then I always feel like I don't belong. The bible study is two parts: first group discussion then watch a video. I was the only person at my table who didn't take my bible with me. I was also the only person not married. During the group discussion part they completely deviated from the topic at hand and started talking about babies. This is not a particular topic of discussion that I'm comfortable with so I decided to take a bathroom/get more coffee/send text messages break. I want to watch the videos, I enjoy those, so next time I will just skip the first hour which is the group discussion.

Here's what really bothered me though. There was a pregnant lady at my table (PL#1). Another pregnant lady (PL#2) in the room walked up and started a conversation with her which I could overhear. PL#2 was obviously fairly new to the church, and in a delicate situation without a husband. PL#2 asked PL#1 about the small home group PL#1 attends. PL#2 was apparently, like me, looking for a small home group for the new study. PL#1 told PL#2 "well you can come if you like but you probably wouldn't feel comfortable because it is all married couples".

The pastor espouses that we be a church that doesn't restrict to people who look like us act like us dress like us....and the congregates bob their little heads up and down, but when you break it down into individuals and small groups it seems like I always see something entirely different.

Sigh. I feel like a giant bitch already. There is this older lady who offices on one side of me....she's not in my area and I really haven't spoken to her. But today, all of a sudden, she had her computer set quite loud so that every time she hits enter or something it bakes a "bing". Finally, after enduring this for a couple of hours I realized I might go insane or have some sort of outburst or incident so I asked her to turn it down. If you've ever seen that movie Office Space it was similar to the way that one lady answers the phone... I am only capable of drowning out so much. Anyway, I feel really bad that the only interaction I've had with her is telling her to make it stop.

-Robyn...you would be in a small home group with me, wouldn't you, even if I told you to turn the computer down?

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 8:45 AM 0 comments

 
completely insecure about all things except the Hello Kitty toaster and the 25th day
"I Love You" sightings:
1. A couple of months ago, Mr. Poodle Hater accidentally told me twice "I Love You". One of those deals where you are getting ready to walk out the door, getting ready to hang up the phone and the words just slip out. So I let those slide.
2. Then we had the whole incident where I got the text messages that I thought were from him but they were actually from a small child belonging to him who has an unbelievable grasp on cell phone technology. Ugh. We still don't want to talk about that one.
3. I've gotten lots of "I'm falling in love with you's". Or, "I think I'm falling in love with you". Or the "I am trying to figure out what it means to love you". I also got lots of "I like you". Or "I heart you". Yes I would literally get a text message on my phone that said "I heart you".
4. Then right around the new year, we were at church and lots of other people were standing around. Right in the midst of this he leans over and whispers in my ear "I Love You."
5. Since then, he told me "I Love You" once on the phone when we were getting ready to hang up. I also got another "I'm trying to figure out what it means to love you". Huh? Did he mean it when he said it? Did he change his mind?
6. Then the other night night, he stops by, takes my car to fill it up with gas (score!) and drops my keys off and tells me he loves me before he goes. I know when he said it I made a face at him....crinkled my nose at him.....just because it's so sporadic and caught me off guard. Then I wonder when I'm going to hear it again?

And yet it is puzzling to him why I would be completely insecure about our relationship. A Hello Kitty toaster only gets you so far.

explanation of the female body
Just to clear things up for some of you men who think that women only get their periods once per month. Actually, no. I got my period on January 1. And since I get my period every 25 days, I will actually have two periods this month. If you do the math....365ish days per year divided by a period every 25 days...it actually comes out to 14.6 periods per year. Sigh.

former spouse fodder

Talked to my kiddo last night. Nate said that him and daddy might be moving because Daddy has found a house to buy. Nate was quite serious when he told me this. I told Nate I was very happy for him and his dad and I hope it all works out. Then after I hung up I was very sad. I started going down this path that I don't like...the how come he is in a position where he is able to buy a house and I am going to be paying rent for the rest of my life... I try to be a person who is not concerned about what other people have that I don't and find contentment with my life. But I gotta admit this one got to me.

But then I remembered. I remembered just this past Saturday when Nate's glasses were broken and former spouse took them to the eyeglass place to get them fixed. It cost a $10 co-pay. Former spouse told me the eyeglass place also offered to replace lenses for additional $10 co-pay. Nate has had glasses for probably close to 7 months and while he is careful with them, he is after all a kid and there are scratches. Former spouse declined to do this. So I called the eyeglass place and asked them to go ahead and replace the lenses and I would pay for them when the glasses were picked up. Then I called former spouse and told him I'd done this, in case he happened to pick glasses up. I just told him I had requested new lenses, didn't tell him he needed to pay, didn't enter into any discussion about payment, etc. Then he said....well I don't know if I can pay for that or not. Mind you, when Nate got the glasses 7 months ago I was the one who took him to the doctor. I was the one who paid for the exam and I was the one who paid for the glasses. Didn't ask for anything from him.

So I'm ok now. All better.

-Robyn..."words of love so soft and tender won't win a girl's heart anymore/if you love her you must send her somewhere where she's never been before" (The Mamas and The Papas)
OK, perhaps more effective when actually sung by Mama Cass and not typed.
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:35 AM 1 comments

 

me and poodle hater/signficant other/special friend/boyfriend/hello kitty toaster buyer at Bingo Night
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:49 PM 0 comments

 
bad attitudes will not be tolerated
Arrrrgh!

What a day. It should tell you something that I am at home on a Friday night, it's not even quite 9 as I start to type and I am in pj's drinking Tazo tea with the Nater-potater.

Had to tell Nathan approximately a billion times to put glasses on, etc. this morning. Then when we got to Grandma and Grandpa's house, told him hey next time Mommy won't ask. You are a big boy. When Mommy's ready to go, we are leaving. And if your little ass is not ready, you are going barefoot, no glasses, in your panties, etc. OK, so I am paraphrasing but you get the picture.

Nato potato. The poor kid broke his glasses today. Oh well, they know us by name at Lenscrafters. Kiddo doesn't feel well. Due to strange dissolution arrangements, I am responsible for paying for medical stuff, yet former spouse is responsible for carrying insurance. Only he changed insurance this year, has provided me with no cards (yes I've asked), I have no idea about providers, facilities, co-pays etc. Am not a happy camper. If Nate is not feeling better in the morning, former spouse has agreed to take him to the clinic.

Apparently James Dobson of Focus in the Family is now picking on one of my absolute faves, Sponge Bob Square Pants. My bathroom is decorated in the happy little sponge. Apparently Dobson thinks it is not right for Sponge and his friend Patrick to hold hands. And Sponge is happy all the time. I let a lot of this kind of stuff go right by, but now they are hitting me where I live. If I recall correctly, Dobson also said that if a member of his church won the lottery, he would not take 10% of the money. So if I win the lottery, I'm buying one of those giant Sponge Bob's on E-Bay and sending it to Dobson.

-Robyn
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 6:51 PM 0 comments

 
what's behind door number 2?
I don't know what to write here. There's no thought process people!!!

I am trying to get my name changed with the Social Security administration. Turns out that it would be easier for Mom to re-birth me and apply for a new card. Was explaining this dilemma to Mom yesterday. I told her, hey, I'm in no hurry. So she made the comment that time goes by so fast that it'll be here before I know it. So I explained that I will probably get married dozens of times before I retire. Dozens! Geez! I am never changing my name again. I don't care if I get remarried and we ALL have different last names. Not going to do it.

Older brother just turned 36. That is very distressing to me because that means that I will be 34 on my birthday. 34 is ok, but I'm telling you right now I am going to freak out about 35. Dad keeps finding great humor in pointing out to me that I will be 40 in six more years. Oh holy jeepers.

I have been working sporadically on my New Year's resolutions. No hurry here. Here's what I've got so far. 1. I'm reinstating my old tradition of making Thursday night manicure pedicure night...put on the pjs, watch something mindless and do the nails. 2. I toyed with the resolution of not going to McDonalds, not like I go there very much, but then I started to think of summertime and dipped cones and thought that might not be a good resolution? 3. Not step on a scale the entire year. Unless required by a medical professional. C'mon do you really need an exact weight to write me an Rx for amoxicillian and sinus medication? You can't eye-ball it? Pahhlease. Anywho, if the doctor makes me step on a scale I will but I won't look at the number and I won't ask.

No updates on Mr. Poodle Hater. Did I mention I got the Hello Kitty Toaster? He implied that he had a Valentine present for me. Don't ever tell me you HAVE a present for me, because I will probably hound you until you give it to me. So I told him that I thought Valentine's Day was a completely stupid holiday, when in fact I really wanted him to just give me my present. I fully intend to act as though Valentine's IS in fact a big deal.......and he should take me out to dinner, buy me a card/candy/flowers, etc. etc. We'll show HIM who can be vertiginous!

Anyways, the aforementioned present was the Hello Kitty toaster. I have not used it yet. I actually do have a loaf of bread, I bought some of that cinammony bread for Nate the Great, but I have not used the toaster yet because it is so stinkin' cute and it's all new and pristine.

Mr. Poodle Hater bought me a lovely antique brooch for Christmas. Quite pretty. Only, when he gave it to me, he was disappointed because one of the stones had fallen out. And I was disappointed because it wasn't my big diamond ring but we'll just keep that as our little secret. So last week when I finally had a couple of hours off at the same time the jewelry store was open, I trucked across town to have it fixed. Had it repaired, had all the stones checked, and I'll be damned if another stone didn't fall out of it yesterday. The jeweler will not at all be surprised to see me again, because I am totally all about high maintenance jewelry as I am bringing the charm bracelet in about every other day.

Poodle hater said that he felt bad about it, he shouldn't, but he said he would take it back and get me something else. I don't want something else. Perhaps a pin with stones that fall out is symbolic of our relationship? Or should I let him take it back and see what's behind door number 2?

I think all of the inauguration stuff is completely stupid. I think each president should only be allotted one inauguration celebration. If you are elected two terms, yes we can swear him in again and what not, but we don't need a bunch of expensive hoopla. Since he was prez before, wouldn't it have been cool if he would have said no inauguration stuff, let's donate a big chunk of change to feed the homeless, tsunami relief, SOMETHING.

Nate made the talent show at school. He's going to do magic tricks. Try outs were yesterday, so Nate and I celebrated last night with an Oreo Pie. I don't like Oreo's, but this was delicious. And just so you know, we would have celebrated with pie even if he hadn't gotten into the talent show. We would have just had a pie party for no good reason.

TOTALLY treated myself to PF Chang's the other day. Got the steamed veggie dumplings and Shanghai cucumbers. Total yummy.

Well, I guess it turns out I had quite a bit to write for someone who didn't know what to write. Must go. You see, I'm a very busy and important woman, and I have a meeting to attend. It's to discuss a printer, for cryin' out loud.

-Robyn...Shanghaied with the Hello Kitty toaster
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 9:51 AM 1 comments

 
red streaks, nocturnal emissions and the deuteronomist
Outfit of the Day
It's blue jean day. As I rule, I really don't like jeans. But I make them look good. I have on my favorite Old Navy faded jeans. Size 6, so that makes us happy when we can fit into something size 6 from Old Navy. I have on a yellow oxford shirt from The Gap. Untucked. Then this grape-purple wool blazer. Shoes: black and white houndstooth kitten heels with patent leather bows. Super pointy toes. People, we don't always have to be so matchy-matchy. Sometimes it looks smokin' hot to not color-coordinate.

I do look really good but I'm not proud of the fact that I have on a plain white bra. Granted, it's a plain white bra from Victoria's Secret, but I feel so blah.

My hair looks awesome. My brilliant hairdresser put some red in place of some of the brown. Just had it streaked last night. My red-headed grandmother would be so happy with the way my hair looks. I feel super sassy with my darker hair, but I'll always be a blonde on the inside.

the men in my life

Poodle
OK. I saw something happen the other night when Okie was sleeping. I'm not quite sure what it was. Either he was having a seizure or a nocturnal emission. Is it possible for doggies to have nocturnal emissions? Some things cannot be un-seen. That's all I want to say about it.

Special Friend/Significant Other/Man of God/Boyfriend/Snog Partner
Well they are pretty much the same, aren't they? Whether, when becoming bored with you, they turn on ESPN, or pick up a book on Moses and the Deuteronomists.

justin time
I now have three watches that 1. have working batteries 2. display the correct time. I, as a rule, do not wear a watch. This is due to the fact that I was married to a watch for the better, or worse, part of a decade and it was completely unnecessary for me to know the time because he always let me know. He's one of those INSANE people who's definition of being on time actually means being 1/2 and hour early. But I had to go to the jeweler yesterday, you know, cuz the stone fell out of my big diamond ring, so I grabbed some watches out of my giant draw o' watches. I kind of toyed around with the idea of watch-wearing being a new year's resolution. Yep, still working on those. Anywho, Nate was not at all impressed with the watches. He informed me that even if I had a watch in my body I would still be late. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is precisely why the child is in the gifted and talented program.

Tomorrow is deluxe pedicure day. Woo-hoo!

-Robyn...what is a "deuteronomist" anyway and how can it be more exciting than my red high-lights?


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 1:09 PM 0 comments

 
submitted for your approval
Apparently when you get "serious" with someone who is pastoral they have to go in front of the ministerial board.

I'm wondering, if in fact you get serious, if perhaps a joint meeting could be conducted with the Archdiocese processing my anulment. Perhaps I can be annulled and disapproved/approved in one giant swoop. Maybe we can take it one step further and bring in some representatives of the Church of the Jumbotron as I've not yet renewed my membership there. Maybe Kirk Cameron could officiate.

Anywho, what does the ministerial board need to do anyway? You'd think if anyone could hopefully make a wise relational choice it would be a pastor (Jim and Tammy Faye). Maybe the ministerial board could more wisely use their time with other sad saps who probably met their special friend significant other dog hater at someplace stupid like divorce support group or Walmart. Oh.

What would the ministerial board do? Are they going to want to make some sort of determination regarding whether someone's underwear is Nazarene enough? What do you do if they don't like small sweater-wearing dogs?

And if things ARE getting serious, somebody needs to go before MY board. I'm not sure who would be on it, but I bet Mom would like a spot.

I'll submit some things for your approval:
*The people at Starbucks can vouch for me.
*I don't have any tattoos. Willing to get one of a sock monkey if that would help.
*I've already been to miscellaneous Methodist, Assembly of God, Catholic, Baptist churches AND the Jewish temple. C'mon guys, let's be fair. Nazarene is the next logical choice!
*I have a lot of slips (even though I seldom wear one). Mom buys me a new slip every year. (Like slips can go bad?)
*I have a fabulous sense of style.
*I have a collection of Cherished Teddy figurines.

For your disapproval:
*I hardly ever check my post office box.
*My car is somewhat of a giant trash can.
*I told all of my employees today that if I can hear them talking they are entirely too loud. It has been the loveliest, quietest afternoon ever though.
*Last night for dinner, I had popcorn and lemon pepper seasoning. I'm not going to tell you if I actually put the lemon pepper on the popcorn. Today I have eaten part of a scone and some cheese nips.
*I cannot sleep and have major dark circles under my eyes.
*I secretly like Eminem and the smell of cigarette smoke.
*My pumpkin from Halloween is still sitting on my patio. It's now more of a scientific experiment than a decoration.

-Robyn

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 2:32 PM 1 comments

 
plucking petals
he loves me, he loves me not
he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves Rat Dog not...he loves Rat Dog not....

I'm going to quit plucking the petals and just enjoy how pretty the flowers are and how nice they smell. Will save the plucking for my eyebrows.

Movie review
Saw "Finding Neverland". Good movie. I wanted to see "The Aviator" but I never have any sort of plan when I go to the movie. I usually just show up and see what's next.

Rented "Tanner on Tanner". Sucked! Didn't even make it 15 minutes in the DVD player. Now that everyone has the movie pass at Blockbuster, they never have any movies.

Other DVD update: have watched the first season of "Friends" on DVD. Was a Christmas present. Takes me back to a time in my life when I too was in my early 20's and still had hope. Also watched "Love Actually" again! Sister in law Candace was kind enough to get this for me for Christmas. Now I can watch Hugh Grant dance anytime I want. If that doesn't give you hope, I don't know what will. And the good news about watching all these DVD's is that my toenails and fingernails look quite pretty.

-Robyn...french manicured
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 8:36 AM 1 comments

 
proudly brewing cynical thoughts
Went to a local church last night to see a band. The church was celebrating the opening of a new building. I could swear it was a gym, but they called it "The Cube". Not to worry, they had an explanation of why it's a "cube". Because a cube is complete (huh?), just like God's love for us is complete. They had a scriptural reference, I think it was in Ephesians 3, but I didn't catch the verse. And all churches celebrate new buildings by letting secular bands play, right?

I have attended worship in this particular church in the past. The church recently acquired a new, younger pastor when their senior pastor of ten years left. Even though this church was easily identifiable in the past as a typical "Baptist" church (really it was about as Baptist as they come) now it is ultra-modern and not unlike some of the other non-denom churches I've been to. Seems as though churches are becoming as *Generica* as everything else, and we all know how Robyn feels about a Wal-Mart approach to anything. However the Baptist church now proudly brews Starbucks coffee, and hey that is just the thing to make me sign up.

more religion cleverly combined with tv update
New tv gets TBN or the Trinity Broadcasting Network or Totally Big Nutjoblookinghairdos. Nathan and I spent some quality time at home today. Nathan turned on the big tv and said hey mom, look this station is talking about Jesus. That's good, right? I was mesmerized as some program hosted by Kirk Cameron started. The premise of the show was 1. how many people do you know who are not saved 2. what are you going to do about it.

First Kirk and his co-host (I have no idea who this other guy was) were on Alkatraz giving us a history lesson on the prison. Then they talked about how sin is like a prison. Then they went to a bar and talked to people at a bar, because you know stuff like booze can be a prison. They talked to this guy who was quite a drinker. I think they were wanting to portray liquor as a prison and a bad thing, but honestly this guy looked like he was having quite a bit of fun. Given the choice of hanging with tattoo mohawk guy or Kirk, not sure who I would have picked. Kirk and co-host hung outside of the bar and asked people if they were "good enough to get to Heaven". He interviewed two girls, one wearing a playboy bunny jacket, and asked them if they were good enough. They thought so, then Kirk went through some of the 10 commandments to ask them if they had any violations. Sure nuf, they did. I quit watching. It really was a train wreck of a program.

I dunno. I certainly don't have all the answers. I think Jesus wants us to go forth into the world and spread the news, but I don't necessarily feel that it's our job to "save people". We can't even save ourselves. WWJD - I think Jesus would totally go hang with mohawk guy and playboy bunny girl, I think he would just have a different approach than Kirk. But hey, no judgment here, whatever Kirk wants to do with his "Growing Pains" residuals is none of my bees-wax.

must change subjects
In addition to religious programming, when Nate and I were at home, Nate spent some time giving Mommy a make-over. Nate had bought me a giant makeup set for Christmas and made it his goal to apply every single cosmetic to my face this afternoon. Once I looked like a common prostitute, he thought it would be a great idea for us to go to Blockbuster and was quite upset when I insisted on washing up first. I mean, you never know when you might run into Kirk Cameron and a television crew.

-Robyn...looking pretty darn cute on a Saturday

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 5:53 PM 1 comments

 
slim not shady and can't snap on a lid
why I am not fit for manual labor

Attempted to clean the carpet at the condo. Borrowed Dad's steam cleaner. Mom got real irritated that Dad was just letting me borrow it. She was of the thought that he should just come over and do it for me. No! I have a college degree! I am a very important woman. I manage people for cryin' out loud! Surely I can use the 12 volt Silver Black & Decker steam cleaner! So I schleped the steam cleaner upstairs. (This was after I had schleped the sweater wearing accoutrement of a dog and all my other stuff upstairs. I haven't made it home until I've had a couple of trips up and down the stairs.) Now back to our story already in progress. I filled it with cleaner and hot water, as instructed. I steam cleaned my floor, so I thought, but then I went to empty the supposed dirty water out of the reservoir tank, and it was empty. So I called parents. Mom answered the phone and I said ok what'd I do, shouldn't there be water in here? Mom got Dad on the phone. Dad sensing the wrath of Mom, as he had not just come over and done it for me in the first place, quickly said "I'll just come over!!!". Dad came over and basically SNAPPED THE LID ON TIGHTER for me. Sigh. So close. Almost.

Do feel really, really good about the weekend and upcoming week though. The condo is immaculate and the laundry is done, so maybe I can get in some much needed beautification of me me me - brows, mani, pedi and catch a movie and get a new book go to the gym. Yea for me. Nate is totally fixated on this local band and we are going to go watch them tonight. That'll be good - let the kid watch the show and learn some new guitar faces to practice.

In case you are wondering about what's been going on with my TV's. No doubt you are. As you will recall the last time we talked about it I now had 3 televisions for my 900 square foot condo. The television which is now in my bedroom has not been plugged in and has sat, unplugged, on my dresser for a couple of weeks now. So you can see that it is vital that I have a tele in my bedroom. I was also shocked and dismayed to discover new tv gets MTV2. I found this out when they were having a "best of Eminem" special. Thank goodness it was a short program and not an all day marathon, because I was totally sucked in. I think Eminem is a total genius and the fact that I like him is a dirty little secret I am sharing with you . Yes, just you. They also show Beavis and Butthead on the MTV2 which could be a real problem for me.

-Robyn
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 8:16 AM 1 comments

 
slick in spots
I am so looking forward to getting up and going to work every day for the rest of my life.

It is cold and icy outside so the world has practically come to a standstill. Some things I don't like about the cold. I don't particularly like bundling up. It makes me feel all fat to have on say a t-shirt and a bulky sweater. But today I have on a sweater and socks that match so I am all matchy-matchy and cute. Old Navy rocks. Anywho, I'm also tired of my hair having the static. I'm using anti-static stuff and hairspray "product" and what not, but I still get the static.

Baby Names

In the news today. The top 10 baby names of 2004 (vs. 2003)
(You can also refer to these lists as what you should NOT name a kid)

Girls' names
Emma (Emily)
Madison (Emma)
Emily (Madison)
Kaitlyn (Hannah)
Hailey (Hailey)
Olivia (Sarah)
Isabella (Kaitlyn)
Hannah (Isabella)
Sarah (Olivia)
Abigail (Abigail)

Boys' names
Jacob (Jacob)
Aidan (Aidan)
Ethan (Ethan)
Ryan (Matthew)
Matthew (Nicholas)
Michael (Joshua)
Tyler (Ryan)
Joshua (Michael)
Nicholas (Zachary)
Connor (Tyler)

Assembling my OWN list of top baby names.
in no particular order
Reese (girl)
Keegan (boy)
Keely (girl)
Quinn (girl)
Larry (but only for a girl)
Carl (boy)
Jennie (girl)
Addie (girl)
Carmen (girl) - this is probably my favorite
Justice (either)
Pearl (girl)
Rose (girl)

Dinner with the parents again last night. Mom made fried chicken. I was assembling a plate for Nate and had the audacity to attempt to put a chicken leg on my child's plate. Mom said "NO"..."he doesn't LIKE fried chicken, I made HIM chicken nuggets". I find this terribly amusing (NOT) as I was raised in a home by two parents, one of them who strangely resembled this nugget-woman, who would not let me have my 5th birthday party until I finished ALL of my scrambled eggs (guess who no longer eats eggs) and prepared such lovely concoctions for us kids such as liver and onions. My how times have changed. And Nathan WILL eat fried chicken. I've seen him do it on many an occasion. And and and I am not a short order cook. I fix it, you eat it or starve. Or more like, I get take out, you eat it or starve.

Always be prepared (that's probably why I have assembled aforementioned list of baby names). My birthday is exactly 4 months from today. I won't give too many more warnings about my special day.

-Robyn...yes please
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 6:03 AM 0 comments

 
startling revelations in the church foyer
more Nazarene underwear

Went to church with nice church boy, preacher man, significant other, special friend, romantic interest. Right before Sunday School, yes Sunday School, nice church boy pointed out that my purple bra was showing. Yeah, so what's it to ya?

There is something so non pastoral about me.

man-icure

Can't believe I forgot to share this little story the other day.

Mom and I kidnapped niece Kitty Kat on Friday. I asked former spouse if I could borrow Nathan at the same time, since he was under former spouse's care, custody & control. Of course former spouse agreed.

Right after we picked Nate up, former spouse called on the cell phone. Actual conversation. "Would you please take Nathan to get a manicure while you are out". "Nathan says you take him to the manicure place, and now he won't let me cut his nails because he says I hurt him and it doesn't hurt to get a manicure." (No, it doesn't *hurt* as long as you are secure with your masculinity.) OK! If you insist! So that's how we ended up with pretty nails for the new year.

We won't mention this little story to romantic interest, boyfriend, etc. etc. I already have a few strikes against me: the sweater wearing accoutrement of a doggie, Nascar, my beauty and power intimidates others, blah blah blah. However my membership at the Church of the Jumbotron expired at 11:59 p.m. December 31st, so I do have that going for me. Must be on best behavior with the man because if it's gone on for this long I may as well try to make it til Valentine's Day.

Got my period on New Year's. That seems like a crap way to start the year, even though it is nice to know I am in reproductive good health. I'm not sure who I should be angry with? Mother Nature? Eve? I dunno. But I am pissed at somebody.

-Robyn...no I don't have any farm clothes

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:38 PM 1 comments

 
Non-Alcoholic Sparkling Cider
Mom got me pj's for Christmas. Mom either (1) doesn't realize I don't wear pj's to bed or (2) hopes that I will start wearing pj's to bed. I am blogging in them though and rather like them. They are red with coffee cups all over them. Pictures of coffee cups, that is.

My niece Kitty Kat (age 10) was in town for Christmas. I enriched the quality of her life by taking her to Starbucks and the fabulous mexican restaurant here in town. She was impressed to no end that the people in Starbucks knew me. I explained to her the sheer importance of developing these kinds of personal relationships.

When Kitty Kat and I were running around, we pulled up next to a police officer. Kitty Kat said a friend had told her to never get involved with a police officer because they are involved in a lot of violence and can get violent. So I asked Kitty Kat what kind of man should you get involved with? A rich one, she said. She'll do fine.

Kitty Kat and I both pulled our hair back in pony-tails and she was quite the mini-me. I tried to teach her a couple of new catch phrases, one being "we are not fit for manual labor". I guess I'll find out from my brother here in the next few weeks if any of them stuck with her.

Starting the new year off by blogging. That's good, right? Also, have a manicure and the condo is very very very clean. There is something to be said about starting the new year off with a freshly scrubbed toilet. I have also done almost all of my laundry. If you still care about this post at this point, bless your heart.

It was good to clean the condo. I was very reflective as I cleaned as I have lived here for almost a year now. It was nice to think about how blessed I am and how much I have enjoyed living here and how content I am with my surroundings.

I could not wait to gleefully rip down all of the Christmas decorations. What was I thinking? I mean it's not like anyone saw them! Did you come over? Noooooooo!

The last couple of Christmas's before I left my marital home were so bad. One year, I put up no decorations because Nate and I went out of town on one trip while my former spouse went on a complete and separate va-ca. Hmmmm, sign of things to come perhaps? Another Christmas towards the end I swear I left the decorations up way longer than I should have. I finally put everything away in the boxes, but I left the boxes piled in a corner in my living room until sometime in March. Twas not a happy camper.

This Christmas was not bad. It did not suck. Which is more than I can say for the past several years.

I love New Year's. It's a brand new fresh start. This past year had a whole lotta crappy in it. So I am excited about 2005 even though some people think things like watching the ball drop and drinking sparkling non-alcoholic cider is completely silly. I don't care. I know that I can have a brand new fresh start anytime. I did resolve that earlier in 2004 - July 1st. I was at On the Border and I was writing out "rest of the year resolutions". I started a blog. And you know what? The 2nd half of the year was WAY better than the first.

I'm going to make resolutions. Not right now though. It's two in the morning people! I'll probably take a notebook to Starbucks tomorrow and sit around and drink coffee and sketch them out. So I guess it's safe to say that no more Starbucks is not a resolution.

-Robyn...I did NOT get the Hello Kitty toaster for Christmas

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 11:44 PM 1 comments

 
I want fudge year round! Not just at Christmas!
holiday update

Christmas is over. Thank the Lord. Thank you for baby Jesus, but thank you that this magical Christmas season is finally over. No, there were no small blue and silver Tiffany boxes in my stocking so the big diamond ring continues to elude me. Damn diamond diggers.

Nate could not go to bed on Christmas Eve. It was one in the morning before he finally gave it up. He had been with my former spouse that evening, and was no doubt left with minimal supervision around high sugar content items at a Christmas party they went to. By his own admittance, he had consumed at least two Coca Cola's. Nate was convinced Santa would not come because he could not fall asleep. I think that Nate thinks that Santa is a bunch of hooey but he is too afraid to admit that he doesn't believe on the slight chance that Santa is for real.

Two of the items Nate got were a K'Nex roller coaster set and an Icee machine. The K'Nex set said ages 10 and up. It came with approximately 10,000 pieces. My 31 year old brother spent about 8 hours trying to put together something that resembled a roller coaster before he finally abandoned the process. The toy box did not state that it required an engineering degree, but it apparently does. The Icee machine box said "easy to use! easy to clean!" Lying bastards! I have never in my life wanted to file a class action lawsuit, but after I assembled the 42 pieces for this Icee machine, and after we prepared a sub-standard Icee beverage, I was nearly at the point of contacting legal counsel. My son loved it, and that's all that matters. I did let him take the Icee machine to his dad's house, and we won't worry too much if that particular toy doesn't find it's way back to my house.

If you didn't get a Christmas card from me, don't feel slighted. It's because I think they are stupid. You are more likely to get a card on Arbor Day or Groundhog day. I got an assortment of cards given to me, and the majority of them had my name misspelled. I can't tell you how little it means to me that you care enough to give me a card but don't know that Robyn is with a y. Also please never get Mom a card. She saves every single card everybody ever gives to her. They are in a very large box in one of her cabinets. I've assured her when she dies I'm going to chuck the box in the garbage, yet she still saves them. Probably just because she knows how much trouble it will be for me later.

Every year I send the Christmas cards I receive to:
http://www.stjudesranch.org/Content/cardprogram.asp

I contemplated doing a Christmas letter, but it would have said something like I got a dissolution of marriage, paid too much for a car, lost my job, etc. so I didn't bother.

I got a Madonna CD for Christmas. Feel oh so happy listening to songs from 1984 at max volume on the car stereo.

Came home one evening last week to find that the Television Fairy (parents) had visited and had left a brand new, rather large television in my living room. My former television had been put in my bedroom. I am grateful for the gift, but I don't recall verbalizing to anyone that I wanted a new television set. In fact, I had just had a conversation with Mom that I very rarely watch television. I don't think that people, especially married people, should have a television set in their bedroom. I certainly do not think that me, Nate and Okie Dokie need three television sets in our 900 square foot condo. Freaky though....the new television picks up way more channels. I was only getting half a dozen or so channels because I think cable is evil and don't have it, but now I get more with the new tv.

Another weird electronic thing. One of Nate's electronic Christmas presents came with a card for us to fill out and send in to register the product, and it stated that if we registered and the thing ever got lost, they could track it for us. I don't want Magnavox to have that kind of power with my son's cordless microphone.

Okie Dokie doggie got a sweater for Christmas. It has a hood. He is now a sweater wearing accoutrement. He has been staying with Dad every day, you know, so I don't get evicted. He comes home at night completely exhausted from chasing around their dog who doesn't want her ass sniffed, thank you very much.

meaning of life update

Feel terrible about the Tsunami. Want to leave and become a relief worker. At Starbucks this morning looking at pictures on the cover of the New York Times. Piles of dead bodies, lots of kids. Feel as though my life has little meaning as I am waiting on my macchiato wearing my nice work clothes and Nine West high heels smelling like Tommy Girl perfume getting ready to go to my job in a nice, safe, warm office.

Thank goodness, I think the benadryl is finally kicking in.

-Robyn...somewhat of a sweater wearing accoutrement myself
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 11:06 AM 2 comments

 
bic stick disappointment but hey there are tortilla chips
Job fair at work tonight. That means a crowd of unsuitable applicants rather than just one. But there will be cookies. I normally have to interview without cookies and juice, so that's a bonus.

Sweet-n-Low Daddy. Uh huh baby. In addition to no longer having to put gas in my car or take out my trash, brings me mexican food when I have to work late! mmmmm mexican food!
(There's a line in Shrek 2 where the Donkey says mmmmm mexican food. If I could insert sound clips, I'd do it here.)

Total Bic Stick disappointment.
I love Bic Sticks. They are my favorite pens in the whole wide world. I prefer the black over blue, but blue will do in a pinch. Recently purchased a pack. Instead of the 10-pack, they now come in a 7-pack. Clever. The odd number of pens in a package bothers me. I prefer the nice, even 10 pens. Also they are no longer white, but rather a transparent, frosted plastic. This bugs me. I have a preference for the plain-ol' white pen.

It really is the little things that make me happy. Delight me. Like the trash and the gas and the Bic Sticks and the tortilla chips. See how easy I am to please!

I'm probably on the verge of being evicted at the Condo because apparently my 8 pound dog barks incessantly when I'm away. My choices are: 1. get rid of dog. 2. move back in with parents. 3. move. 4. not ever leave dog home alone. Not sure what I'm going to do about this one. Okie Dokie went over to stay with my dad today while I was at work.

In an effort to continue to be as weird as I can at work, have yet another silver frame on my desk with pictures of non-real people in it. It's a picture I cut out of a magazine of old Barbies dressed up at a house party. It's right by the sock monkeys.

-Robyn.....everything is better with cookies and juice

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 3:09 PM 1 comments

 
fairy godburglar says to drink lotsa water and stay away from the marigold walls
1. I should be sleeping but I am not. A strange man (a man I do not know) was standing by my stairwell when I got home, and it scared the crap out of me, so I'm blogging. He's probably my guardian angel or my fairy godfather, and here I am being ungrateful. You think I could feel secure with the guard rat dog I have here, but nuh-uh.

2. I feel like crap. Emotionally. Somewhat physically too. I think nutrition is a big part of it. Mexican food Friday night, mexican food last night, and miscellaneous Christmas party food in between. I'm sick of party food. I'm a real big believer in you can't change things overnight, some things take time, but what can I do right now, right this very minute to make a difference? I heard a little thing a few years back and it really stuck with me. If you want to change your life, don't try to change too much stuff at once. Just pick one thing. In one day, what one thing can you do different. Like a couple of days last week, that one thing was NOT going to Starbucks (oh if only I had said that on the panty day). Tomorrow my one thing is going to be drink tons and tons and tons of water. I was really good about this for a while. It is totally a habit you have to get into, because who really enjoys sitting around and drinking a bunch of water unless it has been filtered over delicious coffee beans and served with flavored syrups and nonfat steamed milk? Not I.

3. You've probably figured out by now this is not when I do my best work.

4. Nazarene Christmas party tonight. Wore: black a-line skirt, just below the knees. Fuzzy off-white sweater...deep v neck, ties at waist with satin bow. And since I did not want to appear too boring, catholic schoolgirl in not a good way with my black skirt and white sweater, wore bright blue Barbie shoes and big sparkly pin. Because I have a motto. You know that whole "what would Jesus do?" thing? Mine is sorta like that. Except it is "what would Sarah Jessica Parker wear?" And that's how I get dressed. Naturally I was the only person at the party in a skirt. And heels. But I don't care.

5. I cried when I saw marigold yellow walls today. Right before I left home, I started painting my entry hall marigold yellow. I always loved yellow walls. I have no idea why I felt the need to paint except maybe I thought the paint fumes would make me happy and forget about my miserable existance. I never finished painting my entry hall. I left it un-done. Just like the relationship. Just walked away. After I moved out, my mother in law practically moved in for a bit and repainted my whole house. She loved the marigold paint, and from what I hear painted practically the whole house in it. I find that so funny, because she never liked anything I did. I never got to enjoy my marigold paint. Why did the marigold walls have to upset me? Instead why couldn't I have just been able to think about that Sponge Bob episode where the teacher is in the yellow padded room and all the walls turn into Sponge Bob?

6. Last Christmas sucked. I was living with the parents and they bought my son a bunch of stuff/toys because they felt sorry for him because his parents were getting a divorce. There was one particular day when my Mom and Dad and I were wrapping presents and they decided I had not bought him enough, so they went out and bought him an X-Box. And I hate those things. Ugh.

OK, going to sleep. For a few before I have to get up and be boss lady. Bonus: I will already be cranky due to lack of sleep.

-Robyn...blogging in my turquoise blue plastic Barbie high heels but at least I took my makeup off

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 11:47 PM 0 comments

 
panties panties everywhere
The kind of story that is absolutely hilarious.
When it happens to someone else.

Got up Saturday morning. Threw on jeans from Friday. Went to Starbucks. Ran into someone that I knew. It's bad enough I have on no makeup. Just a chit-chatting away, and he points to the ground. I'm thinking I must need to tie my shoes. Please God, please let that be it. Maybe I dropped something. Nope, there are last nights knickers which have fallen out of last nights jeans.

Oh the horror.

At least I can be proud of my nice Victoria's Secret thongs and not .88 cent special underwear from Walmart. However, if the undies were a bit bigger, perhaps one could keep up with them.

I swear sometimes that someone must be following me around, getting ideas for the next Bridget Jones book. Perhaps, someday I will have achieved the certain number of Bridget Jones-isms in my life that one must reach in order to be rewarded with a Mr. Darcy.

Moving on.

Fej, my opinion on the hair thing. Must comment. No one should pay off a little girl to grow out long pretty hair.

I had long pretty blonde hair all of my life. I finally worked up the courage to cut mine this year. And make it darker. I felt ridiculous walking around being my 32, 33 year old self and still looking like Barbie. After the big chop off, I walked into my parent's house and Mom said
"Oh your hair!"
"It's short"
"And it's browwwwwn!"

Mind you, it wasn't even that short, and it wasn't even that brown. Just the fact that it wasn't the whole white bleached out look anymore. Ugh. Anyway, I thought Mom was going to cry over my hair. She finally mustered a compliment "well it's your hair, you can do what you want". It took her a while to warm up to it but I think she digs my low-lights now. And the darker hair does make my blue eyes just POP right out at ya.

I do have a point here. I never felt like I could or should cut my hair because people make such a big deal over long pretty hair that you feel like you would be unattractive without it. A couple of people wanted to make some sort of correlation between getting the big D and cutting my hair when that had nothing to do with it. I could have cared less what my former spouse thought about my hair. It's all about me me me! I had just finally worked up a level of self confidence I think comes with age and maturity to know that I am attractive and like the way my I look no matter if I have the Barbie hair or not. Still working on the whole self confidence thing having to do with I am attractive no matter how much I weigh. Yeah right!

So, back to you Fej...your daughter...I'm thinking of starting a pool for to give her $$$ to do whatever the freak she wants with her hair. Let's not let 'em start thinking at such a formative, wee age that hair = pretty and that you should let a man tell you how to fix your hair. ; )

Had this whole laundry thing going on. I would wash clothes and not put them away. So I had scads of clean clothes just thrown about in my closet. And I have been working like a mad-woman, cracking the whip at the office and too tired to do much when I get home. I spent considerable time on the condo/closet yesterday which is good to get one's clothes organized. It is especially important to be responsible with one's underthings.

-Robyn...is it really wrong to eat my weight in tortilla chips

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 6:24 AM 1 comments

 
nice girls finish last
Man World
I am in trouble, yet again, for being too nice. Cursed niceness!

Boss Land
It's doubtful anyone thinks I'm nice. I guess this is the universe's little way of balancing things out. Wouldn't want stuff to start falling off the planet or anything.

Kid Planet
Sunday night had a make your own pizza party and eat cookie dough with Nate the Great. Good Mommy. Made birthday party invitations without consent/approval. Bad Mommy. Read "Series of Unfortunate Events". Good Mommy. Honked horn at child when he forgot his backpack and scared the beejeebus out of him. Bad Mommy. I could go on and on, but you get the point.

H.R. pup-n-stuf
Okie Dokie apparently likes to bark when I'm not home. He NEVER barks when I am at home. In fact when I first got him it was a good while before I ever EVEN heard the dog bark and I was beginning to wonder. The first time I heard him bark it was when Nathan doned the Darth Vadar costume. But apparently a "neighbor" complained. I have a significant other, special friend, romantic interest, yadda yadda yadda who doesn't like my dog, and then suddenly my condo gets an "anonymous" complaint? Coincidence? Hmmmm.

Note to Fej:
1. Round brushes are scary. It has taken me years to master medium to long hair and the big round brush. Combine hair, blow-dryer, round brush and 5:00 a.m. and the result can be an emergency call to your hairdresser. We must take these things seriously.

2. You would not be the first man who's downfall was the direct result of this blog.

-Robyn

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:41 PM 1 comments

 
Spackled, Sparkled and Sprayed Smurfette
Christmas Party. Ehhhhhhhh.

People, we are grown-ups. This is not the prom. (Even though some of us can still wear our dresses. Gosh I love to keep pointing that out!)

My dress was lovely, elegant...understated. It was black sheer overlay, with a gold slip-like thing underneath it. Not sparkly tacky gold, but satiny gold. It was very retro, 40-ish looking. Mid-calf length. Not too long, not too short. Not too fancy. Not too casual. Juuuuust right. Will be suitable for future Nazarene social events.

I did apply the three S's of party style:
-Spackle
-Sparkle
-Spray

OK, one more...stringy panties.

Now I will admit I did get a dress - $30. Pricey for me as my usual wardrobe item costs $7 for some reason. (The tag says it was made in India so it probably cost .40 to make and was sewn by a 4 year old working 20 hours a day who has a second job digging for diamonds.) I also got a mani and a pedi - did 'em myself thank you very much free free free! I did get my makeup professionally done, but that was free too. I had given Mom a gift certificate to a salon for Mother's Day and Mom re-gifted it to me so I could get makeup done for my party.

Oh my escort. I was very upfront with him that I am seeing someone, have a special friend, a good friend, a romantic interest, someone who calls me April and hates my dog. I already have one non-committal vertiginous (bet you didn't know blondes knew such big words) person in my life. A significant other. A Sweet-n-Low Daddy - you know, not quite a Sugar Daddy, but pretty dog-gone close. He will take out my trash and put gas in my car! And that I merely needed an escort to my party because I didn't want to go alone. What I meant by this is I am not interested and and I do not want to go to this office party alone because I am new and it is going to be awkward because I am boss lady and nobody likes me. What I really meant is I don't want you, I would really like the kind of guy who has a Smurf collection and I will be his Smurfette.

OK. Anyways, escort brought me roses. Very sweet, but seemed like a creepy way to start the friendly, platonic, escort, non-date of an evening. I don't know if he was being polite or if it was a romantic-type gesture. And I happen to personally associate roses as pretty special, as my former spouse of ten years only got 'em for me once.

One night, two dates!
I had another date after the Christmas party. Hey, if you are going to look that pretty, one date is simply not enough! I got to go eat my favorite Tres Leches cake. It was my favorite of the evening. The date, that is. Well the cake too.

And since we are in the season of gift giving, or re-gifting, I took Escort's roses and re-gifted them to a little girl today. Smurfette's gotta spread the joy around.

-Robyn...I am no longer afraid of my round brush.
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 4:39 PM 1 comments

 
scrooge-ette
I am at work on a Saturday morning. Again. I have been here since 7:00 a.m. That is unholy.

I found an escort for my Christmas party. It dawned on me that I did not know 1. the guy's last name and 2. I did not know what he did for a living. There's this street guy I give money/food to from time to time, and I know that his name is Johnny and he lives on the street and he stands on the street corner and collects money. So I know as much about the homeless guy on the street corner as I do about my escort to my office Christmas party. I guess I could have just asked Johnny to go with me, then I could have combined charity with the obligatory office Christmas party.

Let me just reiterate this one more time. Don't know the guy's last name nor what he does. I am either 1. incredibly open minded. 2. have amazingly low standards.

Anyways, sitting here arranging my my new cube and trying to move everything around very feng shui like so there will be no sharp corners pointing at me. The color red has to go on the south wall. Oh my, once I'm inside with no windows I don't know which way is south. Lemme think...

-Robyn...1. why do I keep making these 1/2 lists? 2. I don't know.
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 5:56 AM 0 comments

 
oh magic conch shell
The lamest Christmas list ever.

I made a Christmas list for Mom. Are you ready kids?

1. shower curtain
2. bath mats
3. electric blanket

How sad is that? The strange thing is...(aside from the objects actually on the list) when I sat down and made the list I specifically put the word new in from of the items, like "a new shower curtain" and "new bath mats". Like my Mom would wrap up an old shower curtain and old bath mats in pretty paper and put them under her perfect Martha Stewart Christmas tree. I have a couple more things I'm thinking of adding to the list, but they are equally pathetic so I won't go into detail now. I'll let your mind wander.

Let's make a better list.
1. clear skin
2. An asian baby - hey, I like babies, and little asian babies are quite cute.
3. An e-z bake oven. I always wanted one of these things. Finally, a few years ago, Mom bought me one so I would shut up. Guess what? When the big dissolution happened, it is one of the things that magically disappeared from my former house. So the e-z bake oven continues to elude me. (note to Mom: if you'd have bought me one of these sooner, maybe I wouldn't go to Pei Wei so much)
4. an unlimited Starbucks card
5. a clean car
6. a laundry fairy

Santa, I promise I have been a good girl this year.

Nice girls finish last.

I am way too nice. Sadly, it is not the first time I have heard this. People are unable to find flaws with me (aside from the bad skin) so that is perplexing to them. It would apparently be way easier for people to trust me, to form relationships with me, feel more comfortable with me if I was not so nice, if there were not so many perfect things about me. Must I resolve to be a bitch? How does one go about doing that? Maybe I should consult with the evil sock monkey. I bet she knows. Yes, some people read their horoscopes. Some people consult the magic eight ball. I have a sock monkey.

My hair is done. My toes are done. My nails are done. My eyebrows are done. I'm not horribly fat right now. Folks, this is as good as it is going to get...this may be the prettiest I am all month. Aside from the bad skin that is. But I have just resigned myself to the fact that it is never going to get any better. Sigh.

-Robyn...soon to be Sleeping Beauty

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 9:25 PM 1 comments

 
ghost in the machine, part II
Yet another giant mis-step. Huge. Enormous. About the size of the Grand Canyon.

Person in my life, we will call him R.I. for short. Nice date on Friday night. The last thing R.I. said to me was that R.I. would call first thing in the morning after getting around. Saturday morning am laying in bed asleep and my phone starts buzzing with a text message. It's from said R.I. What a lovely way to start the day. I was rather surprised but pleased by the content of the message. And somewhat foggy from just being roused. It takes me a couple of hours and a trip to Starbucks to be clear-headed. Not only was the message sent to me once, but again and again and again. R.I. sometimes sends me messages in this rapid-fire manner.

I laid there in bed and I thought about it for a while. I thought I'm not going to respond. But, never one to not respond, I sent a reply. Then I spent a blissful couple of hours, mostly by being lazy laying in my bed, thinking how lovely it was that someone thought such nice things about me. Me, me, me! Yes, me! Because I totally deserve it. Right?

What goes up must come down.

Approximately two hours later, another text message. Again from R.I. This one stating that R.I. was glad I had enjoyed those messages from his child.

Ouch.

Oooouuuuch.

Thank you. That information would have been useful about two hours earlier.

I responded something like nooooo, generally I think messages from you are from you. And how was I to know?

But alas I am resilient and I can frame this any way that I please. Let's begin, shall we:

1. Oh well. At least I had a nice couple of hours.
2. It's great that kids today are so skilled with technology and electronic messaging considering I cannot find job applicants who can even type 20 words per minute.
3. It's probably not the dumbest boy related thing I've ever done, nor is it likely to be the dumbest boy related thing I will ever do.
4. Hey, it is great that I can still continue to wax optimist with the romantic fantasies.
5. After prior experience being dumped via e-mail, and now this, perhaps one can finally learn lesson about romanticism and electronic media. They do not mix. So, we can write it up as educational. A learning experience. And those are always good.
6. I always, always always always always have my sock monkey and my little rat dog. They love me no matter what.

The rest of my Saturday? I got to go to a wedding and watch the ultimate romantic fantasy: two people pledging their lives to each other for all of eternity.

At least I didn't have to work today.

-Robyn...silly robyn, trix are for kids





- posted by rottenrobyn @ 2:49 PM 1 comments

 
fun-due
Back by Popular Demand

Missed me? Silly question. Of course you have.

Lots, lots to blog about. Just been a busy girl. I'm sooooooooooo popular.

Thanksgiving.
Had Thanksgiving last Sunday with the folks. Holidays like this are good. They do give us reason to stop and remind ourselves what we are thankful for. They also give us the opportunity to ponder how stark raving crazy our mom's are.

My mother had a massive headache on the night before we celebrated thanksgiving. Yet, she was in the kitchen, baking pies. Why? Because somebody has to make the pies. God forbid my brother or my dad would have to go purchase a pie, or make a pie.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking I could make the pies. Are you crazy? I am a little bit discouraged though. The gay men at work can make pie and I can't. That hardly seems right. That probably explains why they are in committed relationships and I am destined to walk the earth alone. The key must be in the pie.

So Thanksgiving on the Sunday before Thanksgiving didn't really seem like Thanksgiving. We had ham so there was no turkey or dressing. Not that I eat turkey or ham, but it still doesn't seem the same to have ham and hash brown casserole (I made that by the way).

Today, official Thanksgiving, we celebrated in the traditional way. We went to a nice restaurant, complete with turkey ice sculpture. I mean, isn't that what the pilgrims did?

Also new Thanksgiving tradition. Fondue. Or Fun-due. Yum.

The difference between Santa Claus and Jesus.
Pastor said it is wrong to tell our kids about Santa. Why? Because we tell our kids to believe in Jesus, Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Then we eventually tell them that none of that stuff is real, we then have no credibility, but they should still believe in Jesus because we are telling them the truth about that. I have spent considerable time reflecting upon this because I have forced the whole Santa thing upon my child and needed to feel better about being deceitful Mommy. Here's the deal. We teach our kids with Jesus there is grace and forgiveness. However, with Santa, very plain and simple, there is NO grace and forgiveness. You are either good or bad. You either get good stuff or coal. And that's it. Big diff.

Since it is thanksgiving, I will take a moment to reflect on a few things I am thankful for:
-toilet paper; indoor plumbing
-tweezers, because left to our own devices we would grow a full beard
-haircolor
-contact lenses
-Starbucks
-sock monkeys, especially evil ones
-Taco Bueno
-little rat dogs who love you unconditionally
-little boys who steal your heart
-big boys who break your heart
-still being able to wear prom dress

It's all good.

-Robyn...man I wish Pei Wei was open today
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 3:08 PM 2 comments

 
Super Girl will save helpless rat dog from swooping hawks and falling leaves

I am the worst mother in the world, part 19, 395

My son had to miss recess today and stay inside and write sentences. Why? Because he was bad? Nooooooo. Because mommy forgot to sign his assignment book. Sigh. I just can't get it together.

The Human Head Weighs 8 Pounds

Okie Dokie got his hair cut. He weighs 8 pounds. His body is itty-bitty. He looks like a rat. However, the groomer left his head all fluffy with fur. So he looks like he might topple over. Nathan has taken to calling him "Owl Head" or "Owlie Howlie" instead of Okie Dokie. 1. Because they've been studying owls in school. 2. He does kind of look like an owl. He does look rather ridiculous and when I take him outside he shivers from the cold because he has no fur. I would get him a sweater, but that would only serve to make him look more ridiculous. My dog has no survival skills. I took him outside this morning and he became startled twice: once when a leaf fell out of a tree practically right on top of him, and again when a bird swooped precariously close. Thank goodness it wasn't a hawk trying to snatch the rat dog away!

Employee told me I have no conscience because I continue to drink Starbucks coffee. That seems like a pretty broad statement based on my beverage choice, but ok. Whatever. I guess if I have no conscience, I can start doing all sorts of stuff. Let's get ready for some fun.

At the office on a Saturday morning after my all-carb breakfast: hashbrowns and toast. I had grape jelly on my toast so maybe that counts as a fruit?

Girls should never wear baseball caps. No, they don't look cute. I just don't get the whole "rolled out of bed" look. No thank you.

I saw Bridget Jones Diary, Part II. Good. Colin Firth - excellent. It was a fabulous night out. Dinner at Pei Wei followed by Bridget Jones. Followed by nighty-night in my Old Navy pajama bottoms, pink with froggies.

I have on my Super Girl panties today. I saw "The Incredibles" last weekend. Excellent movie. My body is eerily similar to that of Elastic Girl. If they would have made her blonde, the resemblence would have been uncanny.

-Robyn...no conscience and trashy panties but I won't sign your assignment book

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 11:22 AM 0 comments

 
execu-trix cord-o-roy
Let's sum things up, shall we?

Krispy Kreme - took them to my staff working on Saturday. Observed when I was picking up the donuts that everyone in Krispy Kreme was fat. I thought "Oh my, what am I doing here?" ???

Pei Wei. They will give you a side of the wok-seared tofu for $2.95. And if you can get someone else to pick it up for you, then it's free. That's even better.

Took my mom to church this a.m. Mom will give the pastor license on a lot of stuff, but today he went too far. He said we should not tell our kids the Santa Claus lie. Gasp. I saw my mom shift from side to side and start to boil in her chair. Notice I said chair and not pew.

Serious eyebrow issues. I was noticing at work last week that one of the gay guy's eyebrows were very neatly groomed and it made me feel bad. Must get to plucking. Ugh. I hate that.

Another e-mail thing-a-ma-jig - guy at work who asked me out...sent me an e-mail on Friday explaining how he has a mental condition that makes him twitch and stuff. Seriously this guy told me he had a mental condition and twitches. Yea sign me up for that. Sorry, buddy, but I get to be the screwed up one in a relationship. It's all about me baby!

Tick-Tock
My half year birthday passed yesterday without any fanfare. Darn. So now I am 33 and 1/2. I always think about my half year birthday, and here's the other goofy thing I do. I always think on August 6 it is 9 months until my birthday. He is my train of thought on this once a year passing. I think to myself..."Hey, it's August 6. If I get pregnant right now, I will be another year older when I have a baby". Like I'm 33, if I get pregnant right this minute I'll be 34. And you know that's not going to happen. Then I start thinking about the fact that Nathan is almost 9 and how I've waited way too long between kids. And if I got pregnant right this minute Nathan would be "x" age by the time the baby got here. And then I start thinking about how easy it is to not cart around a whole babies-r-us with you everywhere you go and how simple my life is. OK, I know it's weird, but that's just me.

Why it is great to be me. Here is one reason. I've eaten three meals today, and have not had to pay for a one of 'em.

Well here it is Sunday night. Are there groceries in this house? No. Is the laundry done? No. But the nails and toenails look fabulous and I've got lots of other stuff goin' on.

-Robyn...just a series of numbers in a spreadsheet
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 6:53 PM 2 comments

 
hey, there's more to life than being cute
Whoa, nelly.

I just did something very strange. Very weird. Not at all like me.

I ate leftovers.

Weird, huh?

Don't be too impressed. I'm mean, it's not like food I actually cooked. It was leftover Pei Wei.

When I was married, my former would not do the whole leftover thing. When I was growing up, I lived in a house with two boys. Pahhhlease, there were never any leftovers.

Anywho. Yea for me.

Hooray for Airbake

I am so excited! I got Airbake cookie sheets! 3 sizes! It's a 3 size combo! Is this not the best present ever? My former spouse took my former airbake cookie sheet when we divided up our former possessions and dissolved our former union. Outta all the things he kept - do ya think he really bakes a lot of cookies? I love to bake cookies, and everytime I have baked them since I moved into the Condo 9 months ago, I have burnt the bottoms and cursed my former spouse. Now if I burn cookies I will have no one to blame but me!

How sad. This entire entry is about food. I bet you people liked it better when they were about panties. Bunch of sickos.

-Robyn...want some cookies?

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 11:22 AM 1 comments

 
Wow. Two posts in one day. I'm on fire. Stop me.
It's a two-fer! It's a two-fer! Another post!

OK, it's either 11:40 or 12:40. I hate daylight savings time. It's stupid. I prefer RST - Robyn Standard Time. Everyone should submit to my body clock.

I have a purpose. First I rid the trick or treat candy bowl of those little bitty tiny snickers. How can they make them so small? That's ok. Nate doesn't like those. Now I'm movin' on to the little Twix bars. Nate doesn't like those either. OK, this is the last one I'm going to eat. I swear.

Exiting, glamorous life (feel free to hum "glamorous life" song if you know it while you read this....who sung that - Sheena E.?). Anyway. We all need a glamorous life:

1. Church.
2. On the Border. Yummity, yummity, yum.
3. Housecleaning. Folding laundry. Putting away laundry.
4. Brushed Okie Dokie.
5. Painted my finger nails for about the millionth time as I watched "Love Actually" for about the millionth time. Color of nailpolish chosen: It's Sheer Luck.

Just checked. All the twix are gone. Thank goodness. Now I can safely go to bed. I kinda feel like getting all deep and blathering on, but not tonight. A girl's gotta get up and go to work tomorrow. Bring home the bacon. Even though I don't eat it. Maybe another night. Awww.

-Robyn.......please make the candy go away.

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 9:35 PM 2 comments

 
Soy Goodness and Nate the Great Prom Date
Happy Fall Festival
I did dress up Friday night. I wore one of my prom dresses, circa 1987. It's pink. Not pink like today's pink, but 1987 pink and if you were there you know what I mean. Taffeta. Not a fabric that comes from nature. Oh, did I mention pink with white polka dots? Giant sleeves. And a huge, ginormous bow so big it only could have come out of the 80's. Why did we feel so compelled to put these giant bows on our heiny's? Now-a-days I try to only minimize the size of my backside.

I was a bit down on myself Friday. But then I put on the prom dress and thought, hey.....it's been 17 years since I wore this, and I can still fit into it. Score one for me! OMG, it's been 17 years since I wore the prom dress. I had to giggle to myself thinking the last time I wore it I at least got a nice, fancy dinner and got to kiss a boy and wear a corsage. Now Nate was Nate the Prom Date and we ordered pizza at 9 o'clock at night. He will still kiss me, although begrudgingly.

My parents were having dinner at "the club" so Nate and I stopped by prior to taking in the festivities. We were quite the hit amongst the old people eating at the club on Friday night. Then we went to two halloween carnivals....oh, pardon me - fall festivals - on Friday night. Nobody said look at that sad old woman wearing her prom dress, so that was good. I did receive some positive comments on my attire, mainly from the teenage crowd who thought my dress was the coolest thing ever. Coincidentally, most of them were dressed in the 80's garb complete with legwarmers, etc.

So after the two carnivals and trick or treating and one "trunk or treat" at another church and various and sundry other ways to collect candy, my son now has a huge bowl of it on my kitchen counter. I did go through it and carefully inspect my son's candy. Not necessarily to look for open packages, etc., but more to look for the good stuff.

I've done this before. I know how it works. He will eat virtually none of the candy. I will pick out the good stuff that I like - butterfingers, almond joys, blow pops, and I noticed some white chocolate in there. I will eat that stuff, which I really don't need even if I can still fit into the prom dress. Then sometime around Easter I will throw away the rest of the crap before we get all the candy from the bunny. Then he doesn't eat the Easter candy, I pick at that, throw it away around Halloween-ish. It's a vicious cycle.

Someone did have the good sense to give my son a huge handful of dove chocolates. I thought what a wonderful person. I was singing the praises of the nice house who gives dove chocolates. Nathan said, "oh, that was grandma". Good, that means she's probably got the rest of the bag at her house.

One of the festi-falls was at a Baptist Church. For our attendance we received a booklet by Billy Graham and a pumpkin prayer. You are supposed to recite the prayers as you carve your pumpkin and it tells you what shapes to carve things in - for instance you are supposed to make the jack-o-lantern nose into the shape of the cross. I think it's great that churches are ministering to the nice children and families who happen to be at church inside the church participating in this church activity.

Breakfast this a.m.
Shhhhh.....I made hot cocoa for my kiddo out of soy milk. I watched him take a drink. I thought maybe his bein' raised on the whole milk from a cows teat suitable for baby cows might have made him overly sensitisized but he did not notice. Score one for mom! But don't think I am entirely evil because I also made him those Pillsbury rolls and I always cut them in half and make them itty-bitty because everything tiny is not only cuter, it's more delicious.

-Robyn...more delicious and did I mention I can still wear my prom dress


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:15 AM 0 comments

 
top of the mornin' to ya!
Well it's 4:30 and I'm up on a Saturday morning. Blogging. Sadly, you have no idea how long I laid in bed before I got up.

If I hadn't just passed a drug test, I'd think I was on crack.

Went to the Greek Festival last night. I was with a rowdy bunch, and think we might have come precariously close to being kicked out. Did we consume large quantities of ouzo and act up? No, we decided to open the door to the sacred altar while the Sunday School teacher was watching who specifically told us to not touch the doors to said sacred altar. Sunday School teacher also said the large icon was a picture of Mary. That was one ugly looking Mary. I thought it was a guy. Sorry Jesus.

Sorry, not feeling very inspired at this wee hour. There is no coffee! (gee Robyn, I wonder why you cannot sleep) Going to french tip my nails. I may have insomnia, but I'll be quite pretty.

-Robyn...would someone please bring me a white chocolate mocha, non-fat with whip?
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 2:32 AM 3 comments

 
it's lonely at the top
why I make such a horrendous single person

1. For dinner, I can eat peanut m&m's.
2. I can't get the lid off of my Starbucks commuter cup, and that just pisses me off. I need a big, strong, burly, lid-removing man. Or woman.

But on the plus side, I get to have all the shoes I want and the whole closet is just for me me me!

Yesterday was my first day at my new job. I will just have to assure all that I looked very cute. It's too bad someone couldn't have taken my picture, with you know, a digital camera, to commemorate my day. Like those "first day of school pictures". Nobody gives a rats ass about you when you are a grown up.

I made my first decision today. I told an employee she could work through her lunch. It's lonely at the top. But I knew that it was likely people wouldn't like me.

I have never been very good at the whole taking my lunch thing. I try to be well organized in the mornings, and this is just one thing I can do without. I try to make all decisions the night before because lets face it I don't start to think until I've had coffee. But I'm thinking hey....fresh new start....fresh new job.....I'll start taking my lunch! So I packed my yogurt and my granola bar and I walked off and forgot it. Damn....so I had to go to Pei Wei.

I used to save all my "fortunes" from fortune cookies. I can no longer do that unless I intend to start wallpapering with them. I also have a nice supply of soy sauce and hot mustard packets. That very well may be my emergency food stash. The whole Pei Wei thing is completely out of control. Someone stop me please. Stage an intervention or something.

I went to Beth Moore bible study last night with Mom. You learn cool stuff at bible study. Like the holy spirit is represented by oil in the Old Testament. Some people say this is crap though. My Mom (thankfully) doesn't go to the part of bible study where the ladies sit around and talk - just the part where they play a video of Beth Moore. That's good, because I don't care much for the sitting around and talking part. There's always one person in the group who won't shut up, and one crazy in the group. Sometimes they are the SAME person, and that's too much.

Bananas for the Homeless

Thinking of starting a charity. Here's what I do. On the rare occasion I go to the store, I always buy bananas. Then they turn brown/black on my counter. Wouldn't it be cool if I could arrange to donate my banana money to the market, and they could just give the bananas to someone who needs them and will eat them and not let them sit around and rot?

off to work on my halloween costume

-Robyn

p.s. tomorrow is the Greek Festival! Opa!

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 4:32 PM 1 comments

 
nugget mania asian food frenzy hocus pocus good friend
The marquee at Wendy's says it's "nugget mania". I had no idea. I bet the chickens don't think so.

I have a real sickness. I have eaten at Pei Wei every day but one since it opened last Monday. And on that day, technically I could have eaten Pei Wei leftovers, but I didn't. I did reheat them up for a friend though. My fortune cookie today (even though they are not really fortunes but more like philosophical saying cookies) said people find it hard to resist my persuasiveness. Ha!

I got a job! I got a job! I got a job!
I was unemployed for exactly 6 days.

I am so glad to be done with the whole interview thing. It is so corny. Those silly questions:

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
Gee. I don't know. If I could go back five years in my time machine and answer this question, I certainly would NOT have said in five years I hope to be divorced, sharing my kid, renting and unemployed.

"What is your dream job?"
"Dream" and "job" are two words that just don't mix. When I "dream" about work, it is generally not a good thing that working has invaded my sleep pattern. Someone paying me to sit around and drink lattes. That would be lovely. Pay me to be with my kiddo. Paint my fingernails. There is absolutely no "dream job" in the insurance industry. It simply does not exist.

"Do you like to work more in a team environment or by yourself?"
Well, that depends. If I like the people, and/or if they are pleasant to look at or bring me food I like to eat, I like to work in a team environment. If the people are crazy sociopaths, I more prefer the whole lone wolf thing. Sometimes even if the people are psychopaths, I do prefer to work with them ever so briefly so that I might pass work off to them. Delegate.

"Why should I hire you?"
Because I really don't want to go dance at the Red Dog Saloon or live with my parents again.

So what are you really proving in the interview process? Yes, I can think of clever responses which sound good, very quickly. I am able to say things which I really don't mean and you know I don't mean in a fast and coherent manner in order to hopefully convince you to hire me. Also I have proven that it is WAY easier for attractive people to get hired. Te he he.

As I was getting dressed for church this morning, struggling to get ready in time for an 11:00 service since I didn't get out of bed til 9, I thought gee I'm going to have to be on-time, even early, to work because I am a boss. Holy moly.

When they called to offer me the job, they went into much detail about the benefits. They apparently have a wellness program, and will pay employees $5 for every pound they lose. The HR lady who was explaining this to me apparently had not seen me when I came in for the interview. For 80% of the local population, yes, you should be explaining this. But I am in the sick/twisted .000001% of the population who has issues with eating and you have just further encouraged me to starve myself so that I can buy myself a new outfit, size 4, financed from losing weight! Anywho, they don't pay this out in cash, the HR lady said they pay it out in the form of Target/Wal Mart gift certificates. I told her that probably made more sense than say a restaurant gift certificate. "Congrats on losing 10 pounds, here's your Outback gift card!"

I had to go get drug tested. Apparently this company feels like their employees work better when they are not under the influence of barbituates, etc. I slightly resent this, as I have never taken drugs, I don't know what my work product would be like - it could be better if say I smoked crack. Plus, that's one way to keep your employee's weight down!

I learned a lot about myself in the few short days I was unemployed. I didn't like what I found out. Turns out, I am a big spoiled baby. But my former husband probably could have already told you this. Giggle giggle giggle. All kidding aside, I live my life way too comfortably. Yep, I was concerned that I needed a job because there is no one to take care of me and I need to pay my bills, but I was also thinking about how lush my life is and how I wasn't going to get to continue to drive around in my brand new car and be able to do stuff like get a manicure, eat at Pei Wei's, go to Starbucks. How sad is that when there are so so many less fortunate in the world and how blessed my life is.

I'm glad the whole job search thing didn't have to go on for too long. Definitely would have required zoloft. As part of my week of interviewing/job search blitz, I went to a "job fair". Don't let the "fair" part fool you. There was NO cotton candy. At this job "fair" I had to take a typing test and another sort of data entry test. I made zero errors on the data entry part. The recruiters were amazed. I typed 85 words a minute. While it was somewhat fun to observe the other "applicants" watching my fingers fly on the keyboard, it was also very sad. The minimum requirement was 25 words per minute, and some people were having to take and re-take the typing test to try to get their speed up to the minimum required.

There is nothing in my refrigerator. I have cheese slices, the same cheese slices I've had in there for a very long time. Milk, which is sort of questionable. The date is ok, but it doesn't smell good. But I don't drink milk, so I don't think it ever smells good. And when I get up from this computer and put my leftover Pei Wei in the fridge, that'll be in there. I think I'm actually going to go to the grocery store.

Hocus Pocus
My son is TOTALLY into magic. He has a magic set which came with a video and he knows several magic tricks and card tricks. I cannot tell you how painful it is to watch an 8 year old do magic. He is trying so hard, but if he messes up on a trick, he has to start over. And tricks can be long and rather involved. Then when he is done, he wants to tell me how the trick works. I don't want to know! I keep telling him he shouldn't tell the audience, but he seems to think I should know because I am the magician's mom.

How long do you have to date someone before you are no longer introduced as "friend"? Is there any other term besides "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" that sounds a bit more appropriate when you are a grown up?

-Robyn...typed by your good friend at 85 words per minute while drinking Chai Tea from Pei Wei
- posted by rottenrobyn @ 2:20 PM 4 comments

 
hi
Hi. Here I am. It is I.

Apparently when you have a phone number, like 555-0000 it is better to say five-five-five-zero-zero-zero-zero instead of five-five-five-oh-oh-oh-oh. More professional sounding. But I only have one zero in my phone number and I said zero instead of oh so I didn't screw that up.

I don't like negative sounding things. Like "divorce", so I say "dissolution". Or "ex-husband" so I say "former spouse". Or unemployed. So we will just say I'm on sabbatical or holiday or in a transitional period or on hiatus.

My hair looks fabulous, so I've got that going for me.

Hooray for Pei Wei

Pei Wei opened up Monday. So far I have gone Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. It will take me a while to work through the menu and figure out what is my favorite thing. I had edamame today which I totally dig because I am so tacticle and like to touch stuff and you get to eat with your hands.

Finished my book: "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time". It was a good read. Quick.

www.stupidvideos.com
go to shirt folding
this is what I'm going to learn in my new-found spare time.

love you bunches

-Robyn...off to pluck my eyebrows

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 1:23 PM 1 comments

 
unemployed, no ice cream & I smell like a skank...
Random things I think about as I find myself suddenly unemployed:

1. more time to focus on my charity work
2. no $$$ = no food = great way to lose a few extra pounds
3. I can always join the Army. Wait - the pretty girls go Air Force. I'm way too hot for the Army.
4. unemployment is one more thing I can blame on George W. Bush
5. no rushing to work means I'll save tons of $$$ on speeding tickets....wait a sec...I NEVER rushed to work....so how come I get all those tickets?
6. can get job at Starbucks and I'll get my coffee for free and probably come out ahead
7. finally have the freedom to go back to school and join that sorority I always want to join
8. there's always Hooter's
9. More time to blog! Hip Hip Hooray! Hip Hip Hooray! Bonus: blogging is totally free!
10. it'll be fun to dress up for all those interviews and I'm especially excited about the pantyhose
11. I will never, ever, ever again have to sit on hold with American General Insurance Co. for 20 minutes listening to their crappy hold muzak
12. let's face it....no coffee pot, no fridge, no food on-site - it was a crappy job
13. who cares, I got a poncho
14. great opportunity for me to "eat up" the surplus of food in my fridge & pantry te he he
15. so what, I've still got plenty of Zoloft left over from the divorce
16. helllooooo.....no job - do ya think I can finally get some child support here? huh???
17. it's too difficult to submit to a sugar daddy as long as you are working...and it's way to hard to type with a big diamond ring on your finger
18. Live life with no regrets. Seriously.
19. still have a room at my mom and dads
20. my car already looks like a homeless person might live in it
21. can now become praise singer for Oral Roberts ministry
22. finally will have time to house train the puppy

I'm sitting at home drinking a Mocha that I made with my very own espresso machine, thank you very much, because that's what poor unemployed people do. I also went to church this morning, and that's free. I did not get there early enough for the free donut holes, and that's a shame.

McDumbasses

I went to McDonald's yesterday. My son and I were having a fun day together, and for some reason it seemed like a logical thing to do with a small child. I mean, why else would you go there, if you didn't have a kid? We were hungry and drawn in by the $1.00 double cheeseburgers. And that's what poor people do. They eat crappy, processed, unhealthy, cheap food.

Here's what we ordered. Two small drinks. Two small fries. OK pretty simple so far. Here's where we totally jacked around with McEmployee's. Two double cheeseburgers with NO MEAT and NO ONIONS. And two double cheeseburgers with KETCHUP and CHEESE ONLY.

Our receipt 100% accurately reflected our order.

Here's what we got. Two small drinks (technically we did make these ourselves so the McEmployee's could not have screwed this up with the exception of not giving us our McCups) and two small fries. So far, so good. Four double cheeseburgers with MEAT AND CHEESE AND KETCHUP AND MUSTARD AND PICKLES. So they left the onions off. I had to go back to the counter. And explain it again. These were white, blonde girls with ponytails. I was BETRAYED BY MY OWN PEOPLE! I walked away from the counter and I overheard one of the girls say..."oooooohhhhh, she must be a vegetarian!"

Quote from Nathan, "I hate McDonalds". So I may be a big unemployed loser, but at least I have raised my child properly.

And to top it off, their ice cream machine was broken.

Oops I did it again....I smell like a skank.....

Went to the mall yesterday (to see Shark Tales - ehhhh). Cut through the perfume counter at Dillard's and was accosted by one of those perfume sample people. Wait maybe I can get that job. The fragrance: Britney Spears Curious. So I acted like this was just the BEST THING EVER. I acted so very excited, not only did she spray some on me and give me one of those cardboard smelly things, she reached behind the counter and gave me a FREE SAMPLE too, and anything free at this point is good, right? I hate to admit this, but it actually smells very good on me and not at all skanky. And hey, maybe if I wear it, I TOO can be married twice in one year.

-Robyn...welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 11:36 AM 2 comments

 
bootylicious

breakfast is the most important meal of the day

Needed a little pick-me-up this morning. So in addition to the sugar-free-vanilla-non-fat-caramel-macchiato I got the pecan diamond bar. A treat "loaded with pecans" according to starbucks.com.
490 calories.
37 grams of fat.

oh. my. goodness.

The nice little girl at Starbucks helped me to justify this. She said, "oh, you have the whole day to work it off"! Nuh-uh! I'll be sitting on my fanny at work all day! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, there's a lot riding on it, because when you start out like this it's potentially all downhill! No doubt by day's end I will be a big, fat heap on the couch eating macaroni and cheese and crying into a bag of potato chips. I might as well start eating meat again! Just go get a big mac and large fries already! OK, I just went and looked - a Big Mac has 560 calories but only 30 grams of fat. And maybe if I'd had that I wouldn't be so hungry right now! But hey, no cow had to die for my pecan bar.

confession

I like Destiny's Child waaaayyyyyyyyy too much. Bootylicious. Bug-a-boo. Survivor. Independent Woman. Really cheers a girl up.

purse

Not so much a purse, but rather a bag I use to haul around lip gloss. I have 7 different lip products in my purse right now. Sadly, not even my personal best. I think I've gone as high as 11.

cheese makes everything better

Contemplating my weekend plans. http://watonga.com/cheese/

The last time I went was in 1987. I had just recently gotten my driver's license, my grandparents had a brand new gold Ford Taurus. I think they wanted me to go so I could drive. My cousin Chase went too. My Grandpa screamed at me the whole time I drove. And encouraged me to pick up hitchhikers. It was so much fun I haven't been back but the cheese curds are delicious and Nathan would probably have fun...but he's a kid and doesn't need me to drag him around to this kind of stuff to be entertained.

woo-ing

boy story #1
Smoker boy just informed me on my way back into the office that he is taking me out to lunch next week and he is NOT taking no for an answer. That' s always a great way to propose any sort of interaction between a girl and a boy don't ya think?

boy story #2
Got flowers. That was very, very, very nice. They are just beautiful. I've only had roses twice in my life, and that was preceded by jackass-like behavior. It's very nice to get flowers "just because". Now if only I weren't such an ill-behaved witch...

That's all. Oh - one more -
apparently no one is responsible for their actions
http://www.downedbikers.com/faq.html

-Robeyonce'



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 1:00 AM 1 comments

 
untitled
Just slightly cranky. Sometimes I think I sleep too much...like last night I probably fell asleep about 10:15 and I didn't get out of bed til 6:30. I woke up once during the night - 2:30 a.m. Had a text message on my phone. I read it, tried to decipher what time it had been sent. Military time is confusing at 2:30 in the morning. Went right back to sleep. So I had 8 hours of sleep yet I am still groggy and in a fog.

Today is donut day. That's good. French Cruellers* make things better.

Tiger Woods got married. Shucks. There goes my brown sugar daddy. He married a nanny/model. I want to be a something/model. Can you be a case manager/model? Office manager/model? Insurance worker/model? I could perhaps work on this if 1. I had an actual job title to put with the /model. 2. I could actually be a model (I'd have to give up the French Cruellers* and exists on air, coffee and cigarettes and remove about 18 years from my actual age.

*Note: When you spell check "cruellers" it brings up "crawlers". Ick.

I am allergic to everything outside. This is the time of year when you just start praying for a freeze. Dear Jesus, please freeze all the crap outside to kill it because I cannot breathe. I am cheap and poor so I sleep with my window open and then I wonder why I cannot breathe.

Today is Oct. 6 which means 1 month til my half-year birthday. Which means 7 months til my actual birthday. In case you want to start shopping now:

http://www.tiffany.com/
http://www.prada.com/

I always go to the Greek Festival. Cannot remember a time in the past 11 years or so that I've missed it. Anywho, there are 15 days til the Greek Festival. However, I discovered a Greek restaurant this week which means technically I could eat the Greek Festival food anytime I want, which kind of takes away some of the fun out of the Festival. But anything with the word 'festival' in it is a good thing. Plus the Greek restaurant doesn't have the greek pastry sampler pack (which I usually scarf down one or two of these during the festival weekend) and I'm pretty sure they didn't have the Greek coffee - small cups of burnt coffee, full of grounds and sugar.

It is a bit chilly. I dragged out a long sleeve t-shirt and full length jeans but I do still have on the flip-flops.

I rented Romeo and Juliet at the Library last week. The original movie, from the 70's? It was due back yesterday and now it is late. I'm not happy unless someone is charging me late fees. I am not taking it back until I watch it. I also got Pride and Prejudice because Colin Firth is in it. How sad is that. Not because it's a classic, but because Colin Firth does something for me.

Here are some random sites. I figure if you are out here reading this blather you really need some sort of entertainment. Like I should have to be responsible for you! Go!

http://www.globalrichlist.com/
http://www.joebravo.net/tortilla/tortilla.htm
http://www.arandamusic.com/
http://members.tripod.com/talk_jewish/id19.htm

-Robyn


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 2 comments

 
Slaughtered animal flesh and manicures

the things we do for like

I went to the Bar-B-Q place to get take-out for a boy. Not for me. Hmmmmm. I am a vegetarian. I thought maybe I was going there because I secretly have a desire to eat a big 'ol bar-b-q beef sandwich and maybe I really wasn't being nice and thoughtful. But once I got there, and saw the clerk take out a big 'ol side of beef and slice it up, and then serve out some chopped beef, I decided it must really be like because no, I did not have any desire to eat the slaughtered cow even though the bar-b-q place is olfactory-ily pleasing to me. In my effort to be nice I also managed to spill cole slaw juice all down the front of my dress, but oh well. Also flirted my way into a free Mountain Dew, even though I do not drink Mountain Dew. Hmmmm! So either the strange feeling in my stomach is (1.) butterflies or (2.) queasy-ness over the whole beef experience.

I figure:
1. If your choices are to either be nice to someone, OR go the gym and work out, it's much more fun to be nice. Save the gym for when you are really pissed off at someone.
2. By attempting to fatten others up, you can feel thin in comparison, a smug non-meat-eater, therefore you need not go to the gym.

attacked by pumpkins

My son and I went to Small-Mart yesterday to pick punkins. My mom always puts a jillion of these orange orbs on her front porch even though they will no doubt be destroyed by pumpkin-smashing hooligans. She bestowed upon Nate the honor of picking the pumpkins. My job in the process was to (1) take Nathan to Small-Mart to do this. (2) be the one to crawl around and dig through the pumpkins. So, when Nathan pointed his little finger, I would move pumpkins around til we could get that one. When you start moving pumpkins around, other pumpkins start rolling around and piles of pumpkins start collapsing when you pull a pumpkin out. So, there I was, in my Old Navy Linen capri genie style pants and my pink flip flops with my mani and pedi being attacked by pumpkins and hoping to god I wasn't going to see a mouse amongst the pumpkins and hay.

please allow me to drop everything and work on your problem

Lovely interaction with the former spouse this weekend. Now that I can look back and reflect, let me put a positive spin on it. Because that's what I do. Once you have made a decision, one that was perhaps difficult to make, it's very nice to have things to reinforce/reaffirm that you made the right decision.

Style

My son took the dog for a walk yesterday. When he was walking out the door, he told me he was going to wear my poncho (which, by the way, I am wearing every chance I get). I was in the other room but could see him put my poncho over his head and mutter under his breath "stylish". Yep, WAY, way way way way way too much time around Mom. This is also the sort of thing that happens when you allow your 8 year old son to have a mani.

Yep, when I went to the Asian manicure place on Saturday, I dragged him along with me. Let me preface this to say it was special, extenuating circumstances that predicated my doing this. I would normally not take him to do this with me even though I have made sure he dang well knows how to behave at the Nail Salon, Starbucks, restaurants, etc. etc. etc.

He asked if he could have a manicure. I said sure. His nails were long and in need of a clipping, which I end up having to do with much trauma & drama involved. So, it was TOTALLY worth the few bucks I spent while I was sitting in the pedicure massage chair, for someone to wisk my child into another room where I could not see him or hear him and clip his fingernails. Plus the nice Asian lady apparently doesn't clip the nails as close as mean, mean mom does so this method appears to be favorable to Nate as well. All involved experienced happiness. I'm sure once his dad finds out we were getting our nails done while he was at the OSU football game, well, I'm sure he'll experience happiness too.

-Robyn...reeking of rancid cole slaw juice but hey, the sun ALWAYS shines in my world.






- posted by rottenrobyn @ 1:00 AM 0 comments

 
Nick Nack Paddy Wack
Nice Church Boy has been hanging around quite a bit. He went to church with me last night, even though my Disneyland of a church freaks him out a bit. He must either a. really like me or b. now that he has been to church with me it's all over. He did make a tragic mistake though. He came over today and touched my Sunday paper. What was he thinking? There are very few things in this world that I find holy and sacred. The Sunday paper is one of them. I cannot stand for anyone to touch it before me.

Smoker boy #1 at my office got up the courage to ask me out to lunch. Smoker boy #1 and Smoker boy #2 realized it was unlikely I would ever be bringing them a cold beverage. I gave them my sob story about how I would like to, but I don't have a nice, cold fridge in my office. But apparently THEY do, so now I have turned the tables and they will no doubt be supplying me with beverages. Smoker boy#2 is actually married even though he flirts with me. Shame on him. Smoker boy #1 looks like he is about 25, so I am old enough to be his....well to be his older sister.

Stuff:
1. Crickets freak me out.
2. A ponytail is a genuine style, not a cop-out.
3. No bake cookies
a. made 'em.
b. tried to see how many it is possible for me to eat.
4. Starbucks at Barnes and Noble doesn't really seem like Starbucks. The beverages aren't as good. The workers are not baristas. When they filled up my water jug they used water from the sink. It is not the same.
5. Why are iced coffee drinks 10 cents more than regular drinks? What the freak is up with that?

As if they don't charge enough for a friggin' cup o' joe...
Starbucks to Boost Coffee Prices by 11 Cents
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
SEATTLE — Starbucks Corp. will raise its beverage prices by 11 cents a cup on average starting Oct. 6, the world's largest coffee-shop chain said Tuesday.

I should take my coffee money and start buying shares of stock in Starbucks instead.

My Christmas wish-list -
Neiman Marcus 'Christmas Book' Lists $10M Zeppelin, $16,000 Potato Heads
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
DALLAS — Baby Boomers, this Christmas season unleash your inner child and empty your bankbook with jewel-encrusted Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head toys at $16,000 a pair.
Retailer Neiman Marcus Tuesday rolled out its annual parade of seasonal excess and eccentricity in its Christmas Book, which is chock full of luxury gifts that harken to the childhood joys of years past.

That's all.

-Robyn...give the dog a bone

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:45 AM 0 comments

 
Green Party is lookin' mighty fine
Yet another reason to not vote...

Jackson Joins Kerry Campaign As Adviser

Wed Sep 29,11:04 AM ET Politics - AP

WASHINGTON - Civil rights activist Jesse Jackson joined the campaign of Sen. John Kerry (news - web sites) on Wednesday as a poll showed support for the presidential candidate slipping among black Americans, a critical Democratic constituency...


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 6:41 PM 1 comments

 
clippin' recipes

DTR

This is guy-speak for "defining the relationship". It is apparently not a good thing, not something that boys like to do. I have my own three letters about relationships: BDR, girl-speak for "big diamond ring". Te he he.

I got yet another article on why diamonds are bad:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/040903.html

to quote from the article:
"(diamond) prices are kept high by a cynical cartel that preys on vanity and stupidity"

Uhhhh...what's wrong with bein vain and stupid? What's wrong with liking pretty, shiny, sparkly things? This makes me 1. Feel bad. I'm genuinely sorry for the poor diamond workers and 2.Want to pout and stomp my feet and say "that's nottttt faaaaaair! Everybody elllllllse has a diamond, whyyyyyyy can't I???"

What about James Avery? Can I have something from James Avery?
http://www.jamesavery.com/index.jsp
Or is that morally wrong too? Are there also poor exploited silver workers in the world? Why doesn't somebody send me an article about that? I'm just one girl in the world and I already don't eat cows or pigs or chickens or vote for W. Must I be personally responsible for the diamond workers too?

or what about a replica of the ring Ben Affleck gave J Lo?
http://store.evesaddiction.com/rgz10066.html

But if anyone really knew me...
they would know that maybe, just maybe I just don't want to be like anybody else and yes everybody else does have a diamond.

be the bear

I’m just so sleepy today. I usually do fine without much sleep, but then I guess it finally catches up with me and I want to go into hibernation. Saturday morning I fully intend to see exactly how long it is possible for me to sleep. The sleep of the dead. That means I will wake up wide-eyed before Starbucks even opens. Anyways, plan to sleep and then watch Saturday morning cartoons. Oooo and maybe breakfast at Jimmy's Egg even though my body tends to reject food before 1 p.m.

Denise

Smoker boys outside my office finally worked up the courage to start speaking to me. They have realized that not only am I beautiful, but approachable and nice and conversational. They had apparently been discussing what they thought my name was. They came to the conclusion it was “Denise”.

I don’t know if it’s good, bad, indifferent that they thought my name was Denise. My uncle was married to a woman named Denise once, we called her “Aunt Flannel Shirt”. She had a teeny tiny tattoo of a very simple cross on her pinky. I really liked her. Note: Aunt Denise had a heart-shaped diamond ring. Me and all my makeup and girly-girlness liked my lesbian of an aunt. Then Aunt Flannel Shirt decided she would rather be with a woman than a man. I guess that’s no shocker given the nickname “Aunt Flannel Shirt”. It’s not like we were surprised. And my uncle decided he’d rather be married to a 400 lb. black Mormon lady he met on the internet who filled one whole room of his house with canned goods. My uncle and Aunt Flannel Shirt had about a half dozen chiuahuahs they had to divide up custody of….. I wish I was making this stuff up. After the black Mormon, my uncle married someone who was half his age and I believe mildly retarded.

Also have an “Uncle Charlie Manson” and a former uncle who’s name was Joe Fomo. Not a nickname, but does have a certain serial-killer ring to it.

cartoons & recipes

I am the world’s worst at cutting out, clipping cartoons and recipes. When my great uncle passed away in 1995, my dad was executor of the estate and I helped clean out his house. His wife, Hazel, had kept recipe upon recipe upon recipe. Every drawer, cubby, etc. you explored in the kitchen, there was another recipe or 10 or 100 tucked away. I remember thinking how nutty that was. That really made an impression upon me, but every week when the damn food section is in the newspaper, there I am with the scissors. And I think of my Aunt Hazel every single time. But they also kept every single phone book they’d ever gotten in their attic, I’m not quite that bad. I don’t have an attic. If I did, I’d probably use it to store more shoes. Please don't tell me there are impoverished, abused shoe workers. I don't want to know.

-Robyn…where is my mascara?



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 1:00 AM 2 comments

 
read a banned book

read a banned book!

http://www.ala.org/ala/oif/bannedbooksweek/bbwlinks/100mostfrequently.htm

I checked out "Song of Solomon" by Tony Morrison at the library last night.



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
do the dew

clever pick-up lines

Have had two gentlemen try to approach me with the same clever line in the past two days.

There are two guys who stand right outside of my office and smoke pretty much once an hour. Chances are if I step foot outside of my office I will have an encounter with them. Yesterday I was walking to the mailbox for the 4:17 pickup (yes it is exactly 4:17 p.m.) and decided to get my large Sprite with lotsa ice on the way back. So I'm walking back to my office and one of the guys says:
"Uh, you didn't get us anything to drink?"

Clever.

This morning I am walking into my office with my Starbucks cup. Shocker. One of the many construction workers in my building gets the door for me and says:
"Uh, you didn't bring me any coffee?"

Clever.

At least he held the door for me. The smokers of the previous day didn't jump up and get the door. Score one for construction worker!

Hold on, maybe they weren't thinking of something devilishly clever to say to me. Maybe they genuinely had some sort of expectation I would bring them a beverage.

clever former spouse

My former spouse brought our child to my house on Sunday afternoon. I was in my kitchen cooking. My former spouse stood at the entrance to my kitchen and made the following remark, with much humor intended:
"what are you doing there in front of that big white box (stove) gee I've never seen you do that"
guffaw guffaw guffaw

Needless to say I did not find the comment the least bit humorous. Cooking is not a laughing matter. Yes I did cook when I was married. And I'm sorry that I couldn't meet your expectation of cooking and raising your child and working a full-time job and doing all your laundry and and and and and...

I digress.

Anywho, last night, former spouse brought Nate home. I was cooking. Former spouse left. Nathan came into the kitchen and said "what are you doing there in front of that big white box (stove) gee I've never seen you do that."
Comment even less funny when you hear it from the mini-me version of former spouse.

So I made fettucine alfredo. Yum. Nathan decided it was a wonderful flavor combination if he took a bite, and then took a drink of Mountain Dew. He kept trying to get me to try it. Note: people trying to get me to "here you've gotta try this have a bite just taste this" is one of my biggest pet peeves. I finally said "Nathan, I don't like Mountain Dew. Stop asking me." To which Nathan replied, "Mom, if you don't like Mountain Dew, why do you keep buying it?" That, my dear, is an excellent question.

-Robyn....uhhhh, no, I didn't get you anything to drink, especially a Mountain Dew










- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Say my name, say my name when no one is around you...

up-date

Date Saturday night. Good. I got to eat at the Sushi place. Yea for me!
http://www.sushineko.com/

I have a lovely picture of me and the black dress. But the guy in the pic too and we must protect his identity. Sorry. You will just have to take my word that I was very, very pretty.

this is April

Follow up encounter with the gentleman on Sunday. I made enchiladas. He introduced me to another couple we were having dinner with... he introduced me as "April". Oops. Bad.

You can flub up on a lot of things but my name probably shouldn't be one of them. Am I being unreasonable here? After all, I cooked enchiladas! And salad and rice and dessert. A complete, well-balance meal. Hellloooooo!

drugs please

Bikini wax. The worst pain known to man. Bad. Very, very bad. I keep thinking that after a few ripping off of the hairs with the boiling hot fiery molten wax that your nether regions would become numb to the pain but they don't.

reflexology

Just random stuff here. I had this friend who was married for a long time, almost ten years. She divorced and started dating. She was pretty new into a relationship and was on the phone with her "boyfriend". The end of the conversation came and she said "Bye, I love you". Mainly out of reflex more than anything else. They hung up and she realized what she had done and that was followed by moments of intense panic, did he hear me should I call him back should I say something should I just let it go? She was mortified. Anyways, after you've been in a relationship for so long I suppose doing this sort of thing is reflex, more of an automatic mechanism than anything else. Saying "I Love You" has nothing to do with meaning it.

movie pass

I have the wonderful movie pass from Blockbuster. I can rent all the movies I want, keep them for as long as I want for the low, low price of $14.99 a month. This basically means that I pay $14.99 a month to rent movies, put them in my car, drive them over to a friend's house. Not watch them there. Drive the movies back home. Walk the movies upstairs. Take said movies back to Blockbuster, unwatched. Even if I did attempt to watch at this point it's unlikely I know how to work my three remotes, tele and dvd player. Especially if my son is not around. I'm not sure why I pay $14.99/month to drive Blockbuster movies around in the car, but at least the evil minions at Blockbuster are no longer charging me "late fees".

One more movie related note. Made my son watch "The Titanic" with me this weekend. We were going to watch something and I got to pick. I happen to have this movie in my small collection. I got about half a dozen movies in the dissolution of marriage, obviously the really bad ones my former spouse cared nothing about. Anyways, Nathan did not want to watch the movie but he was riveted. Completely fascinated. Asked about a million questions. It's a two movie set and I just always watch the first half of the movie. The first half is a really good movie . Lots of fun til people start falling off the boat. Then it takes an ugly turn. So that's when we turn it off.

Carrie Sue

Sick of all things political. Changing political party.
http://www.votecarrie.org/

Just a note...my mom was actually going to name me "Carrie Sue". Thankfully, one of her friends had a baby before her and stole her name. Bitch. Well, actually stole my name. I should really send a thank you card.

miraculous

1. I was on time for church yesterday. Wow. I had no idea they sang 4 songs. For all I knew, I might as well have gone to a Church of Christ.
2. I cooked. Cooking involves a lot of hard work....aside from the cooking you have to do things like go to the store and do dishes and clean up. What a frickin' pain in the rear.
3. Saturday I made my own coffee at home.
4. I slept.

-April

countdown: 24 days til the Greek Festival. Opa! Baklava!
http://www.saintgeorgeokc.org/festival.html






- posted by rottenrobyn @ 1:00 AM 1 comments

 
dehydrated crack-er addict with no power windows but my uterus is in the right place

Goodbye 2004 Red Chevy Aveo

My car is fixed. Turned the rent car back in this morning. It's a good thing too, me and that rent car were developing a certain kind of closeness that I needed to nip in the bud. I'll treasure the good times we shared.

It's weird how driving another vehicle for just 5 minutes can totally screw you up on your own car though. Where are the wipers? The lights? Huh? And don't EVEN get me started on trying to figure out what car I am looking for in a parking lot. I went to the drive through at the bank and was shocked to find out I no longer had power windows. I will miss this clever little compartment in the Aveo that was just the right size for my cell phone. In the absence of surgical implantation for my cell phone, this seemed to be the next best place.

Hertz asked me if I wanted a driver to take me back to the car shop. Yes please! Much to the delight of the all male staff at the Hertz rent-a-car I requested not just ANY driver but a cute and single driver who would stop the crazy train at Starbucks. Sometimes it is very, very good to be a demanding customer. And hey...I had filled up the tank and adjusted the stereo for optimum sound quality, why SHOULDN'T they accommodate me? One more thing about my car...totally worth it to have gotten into an accident as the auto body shop vacuumed my car. I spend absolutely no time on vehicle care/cleanliness,etc. so this was a nice bonus.

Giant Goldfish Crackers

Got some of these HUGE goldfish crackers. Note the use of the word "crack" in "crackers". This is due to their addictive qualities. Besides, eating the huge ones is WAY more satisfying than shoving a whole handful of small ones into your pie-hole at once. Probably more ladylike too.

thirsty

I have a water jug I carry around with me and for the past couple of days I can't for the life of me keep up with it. Geez, glad it's not something important like my purse or wallet. In my advancing dementia that stuff will be next. Just my source of hydration for now. Anyway, I carry this bottle around with me and try to drink a lotta water and it just ain't been happening. Guess it's a good thing I'm not responsible for say carrying around a baby's bottle if I can't keep up with my own bottle. Thankfully, for his sake, my child is now able to fend for himself.

Lately it just seems like I have been worrying about irrational things. What if this, what if that. Here's a for instance for you. My car was in the shop and I was worrying that it was going to cost more than I had planned on to get it fixed. But the thing is...some other lady hit me and her insurance was paying for the whole deal. Huh? WHY am I worrying about this??? Anyway, I guess I write this just to get it out of my system and to remind myself how pointless this is. I think that is probably one of the biggest differences between being single and married. When you are married, when it comes to money, bottom line, it just feels better monetary wise to not be alone. I think even if the other person doesn't contribute financially. When you are alone then you truly feel like the responsibility is completely upon you, well, because it is. Nobody to help out.

Had my annual exam this week. OK, I know this is rather personal to share, but I just cannot believe what I had to have done to my body and the fact that I had to pay somebody to do it to me.

-Robyn...my sock monkey can kick your sock monkey's ever-livin' ass



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:43 AM 1 comments

 
hours of entertainment...
random web sites -

http://www.uglydress.com

http://kyndal.blogspot.com/
my friend Kyndal's blog

http://www.myirony.com/
my cousin Chance's blog

http://www.americancatholic.org/Features/SaintofDay/



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
in the name of all that is holy and good...
I'm back! I know how exciting it must be for you, to be able to read my blog after days and days....wondering, hoping, praying, wishing, sky-writing...

I did write one post last week, and I accidentally made it disappear from the computer. That's what happens at 1 in the morning. It was dreadful though, so it's just as well. It sounded like a 7th grader wrote it. I know what you're thinking, doesn't all this jibber-jabber sound like a 7th grader wrote it?

I don't know what to say. I'm really happy right now, and I think that I'm a much better writer when I'm sorta tortured and anguished. Sorry. But yea for me.

Great weekend. Let's sum things up, shall we.....

1. Fall issue of Vogue! Yes! 882 slick magazine pages of sheer bliss .
2. Fall issue of Vogue, combined with pedicure massage chair, toffee bar and Venti-nonfat-light ice-Sugar Free Vanilla-Caramel Macchiato.
3. Teds Escondido Mexican restaurant times two! Yes! On the down side though, now am feeling horribly fat since I have actually eaten. Not only did I eat, but I somehow always feel compelled to eat my weight in tortilla chips. They really should cut you off, you know. Say no more for you lady! Another downside to being happy...I actually eat. So it appears when I am tortured and anguished not only am I a better writer, I'm thinner.
4. Shopping. I got a poncho! I got a poncho! I GOT A PONCHO! It's black and it's just beautiful.
5. Made guacamole. I cooked! I swear I probably gained 10 lbs this weekend. Even if the vanilla syrup in my caramel macchiato was sugar-free.
6. Convertible ride.

Shabbat Shalom

I went to Shabbat service at the Jewish Temple Friday night. I had never been to the Temple before but I was glad to finally have the opportunity. Every time I've every driven by the place I've always wondered what it looked like inside and what the service was like so I've always wanted to go. It was nice to be invited. I'm weird like that - driving by churches, wondering what they are like. That's what made me actually want to go to the church I regularly attend. I kept driving by it and was fascinated about the outside look of it and wanted to see the inside. It's not any more spiritually deep than that. How superficial am I.

Back to Temple, I was fascinated when they got the Torah out of the secret cubby. It takes two guys...the Rabbi opened the cubby and this whole other dude had to hold the Torah. It was very big and heavy looking and I was afraid for him that he might drop it. The congregation we visited was very warm and welcome and they invited us to punch and cookies after service. As opposed to attending the catholic church for years and years and no one ever giving a rats ass if you were there or not. Overall the Temple was a very good experience even if the old fashioned movie theatre pew type chairs weren't very comfortable. I'd totally go back so call me if you want to go to Temple. Friday night baby.

So in the past week I have been to: the non-denom church x 2, the Nazarene church, the Nazarene church potluck, and the Temple and cookies and Punch in the Temple afterwards. I also went to a Methodist wedding. And there was one constant, universal theme amongst all these worship experiences I want to emphasize to you. No matter which church I went to, I looked fabulous. And there was only one of these church experiences which involved stealing but I will save this info for a trip to the catholic church where I can attend confession.

Major subject change.

Several years ago I decided that I wanted to learn to crochet. Millions of elderly women can do this, but I become mildly retarded when I pick up some yarn and a crochet needle. I recently became obsessed with this again, as I do every fall/winter, when I decide I want to make everyone I know an ugly scarf for Christmas. So I was back on the crochet kick again, and a friend observed that it was painful to watch me do it. I agree, and I am never going to try again. I'm giving it up. Freeing myself from the pain and bondage. I shall go to The Gap and buy a scarf like a normal, sane person.

Bumper sticker seen last week. It's still haunting me, so I have to write about it. "I think, therefore I am pro-life". Well duh! Of course you are! People who think first seldom get accidentally knocked up! This bumper sticker irritated me to no end, so needless to say, this car was in front of me seemingly forever. On other side of vehicle: "I heart babies. Born and Unborn". I can't hardly argue about this one. I heart babies too. But I heart lots of things. Too numerous to list on bumper. I heart babies, but I generally prefer ones that are born and have been cleaned up a bit and smell like baby magic and are approximately 4 months old and just woke up from their nap and are giggly.

OK, spinning off political here. The whole pro-life/pro-choice thing irritates me because we have put this into two broad extreme categories. The pro-lifers seem like crazy christian types who would make me not ever want to step foot in a church, and the pro-choicers are extreme in their own it's your body it's your choice nobody tells us what to do way. Neither of these options seem good to me. Gotta be something else people.

-Robyn...did I mention I GOT A PONCHO!



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Are diamonds a girl's best friend? How the hell would I know?
Ladies and gentlemen, I am on a roll today...

A friend of mine sent me this link:
http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/data/2002/03/01/html/ft_20020301.1.html

Apparently it's bad to have a diamond because of the diamond diggers in Sierra Leone. The villagers are tortured for diamonds which are in turn sold by organizations like al Qaeda.

I must take a stand. So even though I know there are those of you, perhaps dozens, clamoring to be the one to get down on one knee with the turquoise blue box from Tiffany & Co., I cannot accept your big, princess cut diamond ring. Or, for that matter, your tainted proposal if you think the only way I will accept it is accompanied by said princess-cut diamond in a platinum setting.

This is very funny to me because I am perhaps the one person in my circle whom the diamond ring escapes. Well, I do have my Grandma's. But that's not really the same. I'm sure my Grandfather wasn't aware of the plight of the diamond diggers. And it's not like any man has ever said to me "Hey, I care about you so much, I want a diamond digger in Sierra Leone to face a life of torture". Or it's not like I've even gotten some sort of certificate that says "A donation has been made in your name to a diamond digger in Sierra Leone, please accept this certificate in lieu of a receiving a blood diamond". Sigh.

Like at this point I have any hope, hope the size of a diamond chip, left. Why would I hold out any hope that anyone wants to give me the diamond and the promise that goes along with it? Me and my $3 cups of coffee and my $100 highlights and my always messy car and my long skinny fingers and my big zit and my pretty toenails and and and...

I did have a diamond ring once, and it was a big diamond - marquis with baguettes - but I traded it in for the shiny red sports car. My dad said if I gave the ring back he'd buy me a car and I did and he did. So I did not keep the "blood" diamonds of the Sierra Leone people, AND I benefited the United Auto Workers Union 257. Plus I saved one guy the tortured existence and sheer agony of being a guy in my life.

Seriously, I do feel bad about the diamond diggers.

Why I hate Wal Mart - one of about 75 reasons

OK, went to the Small-Mart (Wal Mart Grocery Store). Here is exactly what I bought: pancake mix, eggs, fat-free milk, coffee and children's Tylenol. I mention the milk is fat-free, because I'm thinking it's got to weigh less than regular milk. They put my groceries in 4 plastic sacks. This drives me insane, especially since I have to schlep the stuff all the way upstairs. I feel particularly bad about this since there are probably impoverished plastic sack makers in Sierra Leone as well and I am a bad person because the evil bastards at Wal Mart put my 5 items into 4 sacks. Geeez.....glad I didn't actually buy a cart-load of groceries. I'm really not familiar with this whole "grocery shopping" experience, but how do people carry 75 sacks into their home and individually unwrap each item? It's just like the damn pantyliners, all over again.

The Elves are gone

The evil Keebler E.L. Fudge double stuff cookies are gone. Finally. Ding dong the elves are gone, the wicked elves are gone gone gone! I just ate the last two because I needed them to be all gone. Some people don't believe in elves but I totally do. They were haunting me from the fridge, saying "eat me", "eat me". This is why I don't buy cookies. That and the fact that Wal Mart feels the need to individually gift wrap each grocery item I purchase.

8 years later, still having post-partum depression

My son had surgery today. He is so big that they could not put him in a little kid gown. They had to get an adult gown. With the oversize gown and the whole rock-star hair thing he has going on, he looked like one of the disciples. When they came in and put that shower cap thing over his hair, he just looked so pathetic. Then they wheeled him away to surgery. This is one of the worst parental feelings I have experienced. He's had the surgery thing before, and granted it is much easier to explain to an 8 year old why you can't eat and drink after midnight, than it is to explain to a 4 month old you are nursing. Makes my boobs hurt just thinking about it.

Former spouse came. He was as helpful today as, well, as he was during the tenure of our marriage. And we are extremely grateful for the contribution he is able to make. That's all I'll say about that.

Anyways, alls well that ends well, and Nate is milking surgery for all it's worth. So far he's gotten a pizza, a large Sprite from Sonic, a Van Halen CD and the new Scooby Doo movie on DVD. He asked me what I was buying for him, apparently my paying his co-payment was not enough.

And no worry about going on "Fear Factor" if we can't even down a teaspoon of bubble-gum flavored Tylenol.

Hertz hurts

I got ran into two weeks ago and my car is in the shop. Tried to take the car into the shop yesterday, but Hertz didn't have a rent car for me. Apparently EVERY SINGLE CAR in the greater Oklahoma City area was rented indefinitely. It was touch and go there for a while, but they did manage to round up a car for me today. And when I went to pick it up, they made this big deal over how I was getting the only available car in the city. Yes, me. You had no idea what a powerful woman I am. Whatever. It's red and it has a CD player, so I'm a happy girl. Power windows too. Woo-hoo! Also when I went to pick it up, the Hertz rental car computer system was apparently a giant mystery to the Hertz employee. When he got everything entered into the 'system', it was charging me $1.60 for my insurance-provided rental car. Then they tried to 'fix' it and the system was then trying to pay me $1.60 each day for driving the rental car.

What I have eaten today

It is too numeous and too shameful to list. It was all downhill after the elf cookies.

I've had one. busy. day.

-Robyn....driving my upgraded rental car with 82 grocery sacks but no diamond on my hand and getting a big 'ol fat ass...

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 2:06 PM 0 comments

 
I'm secure with my masculinity Mom!!!
What I wore today:

• Navy blue pinstripe pencil skirt
• White blouse
• Black high heels. Close toed. This is a rarity for me. Why would I wear shoes that don't show my pretty toes, unless there is snow on the ground? Even then, when would I wear shoes that don't show my pretty toes? At least I knew there was a french-pedi underneath.
• Pantyhose. Ugh.

This outfit was appropriate for:
a. a job interview
b. a funeral
c. a trip to the Nazarene church

Since I accessorized with a bible, I'll let you guess what the right answer is.

Resisting......urge...... to......describe.....what.....I..... wore...... underneath..... conservative...... outfit. Especially for you, Fej.

PRODUCT TESTIMONIALS

OK, I have the biggest zit of all time. So I decided to try out one of those clever patches. It's all well and good until you have to remove the darn thing the next morning, and you rip off several layers of your skin. Not sure what good that does, especially if you are planning to actually leave your house and appear in public that day. OK, now that I've explained all this, there will be no surprise about this next product. These two products go hand-in-hand...

I bought new pantyliners. You know these things cost like $1.00 a box. Not an expensive item. The outer box is wrapped in plastic. Take that off. Break into the box and the pantyliners are wrapped in tissue paper and sealed with a gold sticker. By this time I'm very excited because I've actually forgotten what this is I'm opening. Oh, yeah, pantyliners. Then each individual pantyliner is individually
wrapped. So I'm thinking with all this wrapping that the pantyliners must have actually cost about .02 cents and the rest is packaging and mark-up.

I've been to two church pot-lucks the past two weeks. I like these...I like the socialization. But I have issues about food. It's no offense to you, but if I haven't personally been to your house to know that you don't have 27 cats climbing all around, I don't want to eat it. It's not about you, it's about me. They are still fun though.

Dragged out the bucket full of Barbie clothes from my little-girl days. Got it out for a friend's daughters to play with. Turns out the biggest fan of this is my son. Now the little girls are no where around, and Nate is in the living room with the big bucket of Barbie clothes. Hey, he's secure with his masculinity.

-Robyn...on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm at about 8.5



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 5:38 PM 1 comments

 
cursed, pretty panties & lucky tidy whities
Oy. Got slightly prettied up for a "date". Not full blown pretty. Just a change in the wardrobe and a freshening up of the makeup. Fingernails pretty too. Turns out maybe I shoulda stayed home and just read my bible instead. Oy again.

My son told me once a year or so ago that he had "lucky underpants". Oh, the things kids come up with. How he made this determination, what distinguished one pair of tidy whities from another, I will NEVER know. Or for that matter how he knew which pair was the lucky pair. Maybe he thinks all of his underwear is lucky, and that's why it's so blissful to be a kid. I am completely convinced I have not one single pair of lucky underpanties, but I know of at least one unlucky pair. And I wore them yesterday. I specifically recall the last two times I wore them I was not pleased with the outcome of my day. Since I have like 80 or so pairs of panties, I guess I should take them out of circulation, regardless of how pretty they are.

Oy. I love that word. I could so be Jewish. Just what Oklahoma needs, another single, Jewish girl. Except for the fact that I've got those piercings. Is their forgiveness in the Jewish faith for piercings if you let them grow back in? I've never gotten a tattoo, so I'm not completely a lost soul. Can you be Jewish and have a surname like "Riley"? Don't you think Jesus looks, as he is most often portrayed, like the type of guy who would have worn an earring, you know, back in 1987?

I'm all over that Kosher thing. No meat in the same bowl with anything else. The whole no yeast thing. No meat with cheese. No pork. Let's kill the animals differently. Damn, all this talk about food is making me hungry. I don't even know what a matzoh ball is, and yet it really sounds good right now.

Oh - one more thing. Two movies start this weekend - "Cellular" and "Resident Evil". Both of these movies look unbelievably bad and completely corny. So I only have one thing to say. Double feature.

-Robyn...machen a tzimmis (yep, go look it up)

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 1:00 AM 1 comments

 
I don't care if it comes with a tiara...

prince & princess

BANDAR SERI BEGAWAN, Brunei - The future king of the oil-rich sultanate of Brunei married a 17-year-old half-Swiss commoner Thursday at a wedding attended by royalty and dignitaries from around the world...

OK, I don't care how much money the dude has. Look at what they made this poor girl wear!!!
Lotsa money....check, I get to be a princess....check, must walk 10 steps behind you at all times...check, you want me to wear this ugly blue material that matches your suit? Uhhhh, no thank you! Plus you shoulda seen her bridesmaids....bunch of the oldest, wrinkliest ladies I've ever seen. Not exactly maiden-like. Guess that's all the prince had to pick from - old raisin ladies or adolescents.

They reported the bride was more than an hour late. This I can respect. Always important to make an entrance. No doubt she was thrashing about in a palace room, begging for something else to wear or perhaps demanding freedom from the bondage of being a child bride. Even in Utah where they marry 'em off young, they don't make you wear this crap.

-Robyn...ok, secretly wish I was a Princess Bride

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
hot fresh donuts & bubble wrap euphoria
We had a cat for exactly 2 days this past February. My son had a horrible allergic reaction, so the cat had to go back to the animal sanctuary. : ( The cat's name was Itty Bitty. Now, we have a dog - Okie Dokie. No, I did not give either of these animals their devilishly clever two-word names.

I promise I'm getting to a point here....my dad came over to deliver Krispy Kreme donuts Saturday morning. Yum. The ones with chocolate icing. One of the many reasons it's great to have a kid. Donut delivery service! This has been going on since my son turned one year old. I'm watching my dad walk out the front door and he says to Okie Dokie "bye Itty Bitty". So my dad can remember the cat's name I had for 2 days, but can't remember the dog's name I've had for several months now. My dad's funny like that........he used to always call Bennigan's restaurant McMulligans. We've eaten at Hideaway Pizza about a million times and he can't ever remember the name of the place.

They are doing construction in the office building where I work. They put this plastic runner on the carpet down the hallway. I guess they decided that wasn’t good enough, so they took this giant plastic sticky stuff, and put it over the already in-place runner. This created a wonderful effect. There are air bubbles between the two pieces of plastic, so everytime you walk down the hall, it’s like walking on a giant sheet of bubble wrap. I intentionally walk in such a way that I get to step on as many of the air bubbles as possible. The construction workers look at me as though I am deranged. I don’t care what they think about my walking-on-bubble-wrap euphoria.

Speaking of euphoria I got to jump in a moon-bounce last night. Total fun. I swear I am getting one of these for my next birthday party.

I ate in the school cafeteria today with my son. Cheese pizza day. That's good, you know, cuz these kids just don't get enough pizza in their lives. So I'm going through the line and two of the cafeteria workers point out to me that there's a salad bar in the cafeteria! Woo hoo! So I get my cheese pizza and my two orange slices and my grape juice. Cafeteria worker lady tried to get me to drink milk. No way!

So I excitedly went to the 'salad bar'. It was a bowl of lettuce (frozen) and some italian dressing and a bowl of apple slices. Gee, I wonder why it's so hard to get our kids excited about things like salad and vegetables????? Score on the apple slices! But I ended up giving those to Nathan.

They had corn too. I passed on the corn. Canned corn is ick. So in all the years since which have passed since I went to elementary school, they are still having the same lunch menu on pizza day - pizza, corn, salad...except they no longer have the delightful chocolate brownie which was the best part. The kids in the cafeteria, well they seemed fine with the days choices, but they just don't know what it was like.

Two of the girl at my table asked if they could go get MORE salad and MORE corn. The lunch lady told them NO! I'm thinking the kids are asking for CORN and SALAD here. This is one of those things that should be encouraged. Eat all the salad and corn you want for cryin' out loud! And go to the library and check out another book while you're at it!

I have not been to the movies since August 9. That's got to be some sort of record for me. Hmmmm- where has the time gone? Anywho, that's all for now.

-Robyn...lunch lady

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 7:23 AM 0 comments

 
Mom v. the Strong Willed Chilled, episode 8567
I would be remiss if I did not point out to the world that TODAY, yes TODAY is the day is the day I won a battle with an 8 year old. We shall record it for all of history, here in blog-land.

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon. We come home after church and a trip to Target. Not sure what it is about the time either before or after Sunday service that makes family interactions so difficult. But it does.

Anywho, I tell Nate to practice his guitar. 30 minutes. I remember the EXACT moment. It was 3:58 p.m. I told him he would be done at 4:28 p.m. He replied, "Buuuutttttt Mommmmmmmmm! You only make me practice for 20 minutes!" Whatever!

Then he said "I'LL be through at 4:18 p.m."

To which I replied "OK, 4:35"

"Buuuuuuuuttttt Mommmmmmmmm!"

"OK, 4:40!"

"Buuuuuuuuttttt Mommmmmmmmmmmm!"

"OK, 4:45!"

So by know no doubt you have recognized a pattern. This went on until it was going to be over an hour. Nathan finally started to practice but was unable to stop mouthing off. Then he told me "his finger hurt". I told him to take his guitar off, and go to his bed. I was ever so calm about this.

He goes up stairs. STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! all the way up. So I very calmly said "Nathan, please come downstairs". I'm sure he thought he'd won and he came downstairs all smug. That's when I told him "you may go upstairs the right way, no stomping!"

So, I sent the kid off to time out, but was the time out really for him or more for me? I unloaded the dishwasher and took deep breaths in and out.

I finally told him that, if he could come downstairs and practice his guitar for 30 minutes, he was welcome to come back downstairs. He came downstairs and started to practice. My mother called, because we were going over there to eat ice cream. She asked to speak to Nathan and I told him he could speak with her ever so briefly because he was practicing. So then he asked me what ever so briefly meant and I said speak to your grandmother quickly.

I swear to God, he gets on the phone and tells Grandma I sent him to time out because he had a sore finger and couldn't practice the guitar.

You have never seen a phone yanked away from a child so quickly. I explained to him (with Grandma listening) that if he didn't know why was he was in time out, he should go back and spend some time contemplating his offense.

Back to time out. A while later, again, told him he could come downstairs if he could practice his guitar for 30 minutes.

He comes downstairs and starts to practice.

I swear to God, I walk past him and the kid is wearing a sign around his neck that says
"don't talk to me!"

I had to walk out on my patio because I was laughing so hard. Tears were streaming down my face. Then I went into my bedroom and fashioned my own sign, which said
"I'm not talking to you!"

And I waited.

Sure enough, after a few minutes, he started talking to me.
"Mom!" "Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"
"Mom, why are you ignoring me???"

He finally caught on to the fact I had a sign around my neck. He read it, and immediately removed the sign from his neck. Then, about an hour and a half after we started guitar practice, he practiced his guitar for 30 minutes. Score.

-Robyn...damn, I forgot to get trash bags at the grocery store.



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 10:37 PM 1 comments

 
100% juice
OK, so apparently some are wondering just how my date with the nice church boy went.

Well the fact that there has been NO mention of it whatsoever on my blog should give you an indication of how just how fabulous I think this guy is. I am in serious like with him. I never kiss and tell, or rather, kiss and blog. Unless, that is, it goes very badly and I have some horrific story to share. : )

My son turned on the television last night. No doubt to stick in Star Wars to watch for a few minutes before bed. We don’t have cable so we only have like four channels. He made the comment “look Momma! The same thing is on all the channels!”. That’s GOT to make it exciting, right? Yep, the Republican National Convention. He sweetly patted the spot next to him on the sofa and said “come watch it with me!” How could I resist? This or Star Wars again? It’s a tough call. Both are sheer fantasy. Star Wars being the more realistic of the two.

I had just explained to Nate the night before how mommy feels about W. This is one of those “yes I am the worst mother in the world stories”. I’m certainly not a one issue voter. But the pro-choice thing is something I am interested in and I have examined both candidates stand on this issue (as well as other things). So I told Nathan…warning….this is the bad mommy part….that George W. does not believe that a woman should be able to choose what kinds of doctors she goes to. I didn’t explain any more than that….
And I never miss an opportunity to point out to Nathan that our soldiers are dying in Iraq every single day.

Somebody has apparently gotten to Nathan. I can only assume hard core W fanatics are patrolling the playgrounds and brainwashing small children and they are secretly plotting to work me over. We watched the convention for maybe 5 minutes. That Zell, Hell whatever person was on. I don’t know. Fancy that, the one time I go by the Republican National Convention, it’s some old white guy. What are the chances of that??? But it reminded me more of watching the Reverend Charles Stanley preach than anything else…as I matter of fact when I first walked by the t.v. I thought it WAS the Reverend Charles Stanley. We watched it just long enough for Nathan to pick up on the fact that this Zell Hell guy was trash talking John Kerry. Nathan said it wasn’t nice to say bad things about someone else.

I had NO coffee yesterday. That’s right, no coffee. Probably explains why I was in bed by 9:45. No caffeine whatsoever. I was going to try to make it through again today, but when I woke up with the whole pounding headache thing, I thought screw that! Besides, today is Thursday and everyone knows that Thursday is donut day and I always go by Dunkin Donuts and get a French Cruller. And if you are going to have a French Cruller you’ve got to have a caramel latte with it. And it’s totally out of my control! I no longer have a say so in this. I go in and the nice little man who works at Dunkin just starts making my order. He has apparently spotted a pattern. We’ll see if I have the strength of character to forego the coffee tomorrow morning…

I always eat just the one French Cruller, but every time I do I wonder exactly how many of those things I could eat in one sitting. One day, I’m going to find out. I seriously bet I could eat 10 of ‘em. I’m also really freaky about the Krispy Kreme donuts…if I buy a box I will usually willpower myself into eating just one and then I lick the chocolate frosting off of another, or just lick the glaze off of another. Why am I telling you people how weird I am?

I have lots of food issues. I am a “layer” person…if I get something that has multiple layers…I like to eat the layers separately. Give me your basic slice of key lime pie (yes please from Bahama Breeze mmmm) and I will first eat the whipped cream topping, then the key lime part, then the crust. This can make eating a simple piece of pie turn into a half hour ordeal. And the chocolate French crullers – totally a two layer thing. First I eat the chocolate icing off. When I was married, this (amongst other things) drove my former spouse batty. I’m pretty sure it’s the reason we are no longer together.

Here’s another one – you know how I like the coffee beverages. I will have steamed milk or foam or froth or half and half in my coffee, but I would never ever just pour regular milk into my coffee. Oh the horror! The thought of that just grosses me out, because I don’t drink milk. But for some reason, the whole “steaming” process makes it ok. And I will rarely & occasionally think its ok to use one of the little pink packets of sweetener, but I would never actually put real sugar in my coffee. Flavored syrup, hey, that’s ok too. But sugar – no way!

Geez. What a freak I am! Is it any wonder that I’m alone?

I’m also a very mean mommy. I’m one of those mommies who says “no you can’t have that because it’s not 100% juice!!!”. Poor Nathan. I felt really guilty about this last weekend when I took him to buy stuff for his school lunches. I was going to be the cool mom and let him buy the Capri-Sun crap, and he said “that’s ok, I will just drink milk in the cafeteria”. Yep, I would too, but apparently only if it’s steamed.

-Robyn…mother of future republican delegate who only drinks 100% juice





- posted by rottenrobyn @ 6:00 PM 0 comments

 
dream interpretation
Nathan had a dream about an antique store. I love to look at the dream dictionary, so here is what is says about "antiques" -

This often relates to the experiences in your life that have become deeply buried, or even forgotten, such as childhood experiences, or the person you were in a past relationship of work. It can also represent the deeply unconscious wisdom you hold in your body, or in your racial memories or family traditions. A part of self relating to biological knowledge of the cells, instincts, that are older than the personal self. Occasionally it suggest aspects of self from previous lives. In general it is knowledge, or wisdom of life gained through long experience

Wow, I have one deep kid.

Specifically, he was lost in an antique store -
Being lost: This links with feelings of confusion, lack of direction or conflict, of not understanding what is involved in the present situation you are in. The dream environment you are lost in will define what the confusion or conflict connects with. Sometimes this lost feeling arises because there are issues or changes in your life you have not acknowledged or do not want to acknowledge

Holy crap. Didn't realize the 3rd grade was so tough on a kid.

Couple of nights ago, I had a dream I was taking a shower. So naturally I thought I must have a guilty conscience about something, because I'm generally up to no good in some aspect of my life. BUT I looked up water on the dream interpreter and was pleasantly surprised to learn that dreaming about water is a good thing. Feelings of relaxation. Feeling more presentable and acceptable. Process of healing and change. Water can also symbolize faith, fearlessness, purity of feeling, hope and joy.

Maybe the dream dictionary isn't completed whacked.

-Robyn...dream a little dream of me

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
mac-n-cheese
Guess the kid doesn't see me eat much.

The other night I made mac-n-cheese and Nathan said "who's that for?" And I, in my smart-alecky way said "It's for me, is it all right with you if your Mom actually eats something?"

Nathan said "Yeah, I'm just not used to seeing you do that."

-Robyn...ok, the diet's finally over



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
random mish mash
Just a bunch of random mish-mash...

Went to the gym today. Nothing like going to the gym to make you feel better about yourself. Whenever I go to the gym and see some large-chested lady on the treadmill with her boobs flopping around, it always makes me feel good about my tiny chest. No large sagging breasts here! Nope, mine don't move when I'm on the treadmill. This is the only time another woman looks at me and has boob-envy.

Anyways, at the gym, sign on the treadmill:
"this is NOT a toy"
that's very helpful information
I mean, seeings how I am a grown woman, I frequently get things confused as to whether or not they are toys. Especially men. Te he he. Not really but that was just too funny to not throw in...

Just tired. Hey I can handle the exercise thing if it actually helps me to sleep better. Thought it was supposed to make me feel better too. I have never found that to be true about exercise. Would probably sleep better if I didn't drink so much espresso. Ah...espresso, the convenience of an entire pot of coffee conveniently condensed into a single shot of a drink. I should give it up but then the whole tone of this blog could take an ugly, cranky turn and I can't do that to you. This isn't just about me.

Seriously starting to re-think my position on facial hair. On men that is. I still pretty much feel the same about it on women.

Also, seriously thinking about updating my list of favorite things to include large diamond ring in small turquoise-blue box from "Tiffany & Co.". Hey, it couldn't hurt.

-Robyn...I want to kiss hello on both cheeks.



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 6:45 PM 0 comments

 
Nazarene Underwear
As I know many of you have been refreshing your browser like mad, waiting for my next relational update, the moment has arrived.

OK, I had a "date" last night. With a nice church boy.

Went to the nail salon yesterday afternoon - pre-date of course - it was a mother/daughter bonding experience. And my nails look really pretty by the way. Anyways, the discussion at the "spa" turned into "what shall I wear on my date?''. Of course, this discussion followed the very important discussion of "what color should I paint my nails?" So my mother and I whiled away the minutes by mentally perusing my wardrobe. Turns out I have SCADS of inappropriate clothes. It was apparently much easier for Mom to tick off the outfits I SHOULDN'T wear.

People who don't know me don't realize that I LOVE to dress up. Always have. I HATE to wear pants. Jeans are OK sometimes, but slacks...nuh uh. Bleeeeh. I am 100% girly girl.

Anyway, back to the "date". I know you are biting your nails, wondering what I wore. So was it to be the red dress, the sundress that laces up the back, the black and pink dress with a bow on it that I bought because it reminded me of my grandma's nightgown, my geometrical print skirt...??? ???

Mom decided after the nail salon we HAD to go shopping. We went to Gordman's, which is by the way, my new favorite place to shop. Mom has obviously not read my blog entry on how if something looks like it's for a 15 year old/from 1985 I want it. Mom apparently thinks I should dress much more conservatively. What kills me is sometimes Mom will say how cute I look, but if we had seen the same exact thing hanging in the store, she would have rejected it. She just doesn't realize my ability to pull some things off. Style.

Mom chose a black shirt and grey slacks. Hellloooooooooo! I said "that looks great Mom"! "Looks like I'm going to a funeral! Where's the color?!? I need color!" !!!

We looked at one shirt and mom said - and this cracks me up - "you'll need a black bra to wear under that. Do you have a black bra?" Yes, Mom. I have a black bra. The only color of bra you should wonder about me NOT having is a plain white bra. I get to wear lots of colorful, fun bras. It's my compensation for having very small breasts. Big boobs = boring bras. They figure us small-chested girls should have something. I guess bra manufacturers figure we might be able to fool the world with all the lace, padding, colors, patterns, etc. so they won't notice how tiny our boobies are.

I finally said f&%K it. This is who I am and yes I wear a skirts and dresses and am way over the top, but that's me. And Mr. Date should know that by now, and if he doesn't like it, well that's just. too. damn. bad.

It was finally determined that NONE, not one single piece of my clothing was the least bit Nazarene. You will never see me sporting the no-makeup, natural hair color, long straight denim skirt and keds with bobby socks.

And there is definitely nothing the least bit traditional church-like about my underwear. Very non-denominational. Charismatic.

The context of the date was to go hang out with a small group of church-goers. Turns out, I did overdress, just like I always do for every other situation of my life. But because I wear what I want to wear, I feel completely comfortable.

Also turns out that church people are just that..people - just like everybody else. Less stylish than Robyn.

-Robyn...the nail polish is called "20 candles on my cake". that'll work.



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 2:17 PM 2 comments

 
Kentucky Fried Craving
For those of you who had to listen to my tirade on Kentucky Fried Chicken...here is a follow up.

I got a letter back from the Public Relations department. Apparently, KFC is just like me...they buy their chicken just like I go into a supermarket to buy my chicken! Only I don't buy chicken. Helllloooooooo KFC! That's what the whole "vegetarian" part of my letter was referring to. Seems KFC's correspondence to me is about as genuine as John Kerry's. Anyway, KFC was also quite surprised to learn that the people they bought their chicken from were mean to the chickens.

So nice of them to respond to my concerns. Wondering now if I can end my boycott of them & Taco Bell & Long John Silvers, etc. I do enjoy the occasional biscuit, cole slaw, mashed potatoes, etc.

KFC does hold a special place in my heart though. Strangest thing...when I was pregnant with Nathan I actually CRAVED Kentucky Fried Chicken. It's the one thing I can remember having a specific craving for. I absolutely HAD to have extra crispy and original recipe. And you know you have to feed the baby wants what the baby wants! I have never wanted the stuff since. Anyway, that's just bizarre to me.

-Robyn...can't think of anything clever to put here

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
I feel pretty
Today on the way to school my son said "Momma, you look pretty today!"

What? Is this kid crazy? 2nd day of school and someone's already selling him crack? I have on not one speck of makeup. I have my wild, wavy hair because this morning precedence was given to sleeping instead of blow-drying. I have on my capri carpenter jeans and my blue flip flops...

But, I also happen to be sporting a very bright orange "Lake Park Lions" t-shirt. Because Friday is the day that you wear the school t-shirt. So Nathan and I are totally matchy-matchy today. I guess in a 3rd grade world, this is all it takes for your mom to be pretty. They will never tell you this at the Clinique counter though.

Thanks Nathan. If only grown-ups were this easy to impress.

-Robyn...now I will be singing songs from West Side Story all day...



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
jitterbug
Another milestone. Nathan's first day of 3rd grade was today.

When he came over this morning, we prayed about school. I had a special breakfast for him (no I didn't cook it).

We got to school and were getting ready to get out of the car and he said "Mom, I'm nervous!"
And I thought I know, sweetie, I'm nervous too because you are getting too big. I can wear your shirts and your shoes and you have long hair and want to be a rock star and what has happened to my little boy? I remember when you were first born and you were so tiny and my dad took one look at you and said you looked like a "drowned rat".

We snapped the obligatory pictures, met the teacher and saw the desk. All the kiddos with their new stuff and new clothes are always so cute. Nathan is bummed that Jessica and Austin aren't in his class this year. He has been friends with Jessica for a long time...they were born in the same hospital one day apart. I'm thinking they must have spent some time in heaven together. So once you've been in heaven with someone, it's hard to be apart from them in the 3rd grade. Nathan has agreed to meet Austin everyday, by the "Spiderweb". The "Spiderweb" is one of the jungle gym-looking things on the playground. These little Spiderman obsessed boys have aptly given it this nick-name.

I explained to Nathan that although he was nervous, he has been going to this very same school since Kindergarten so he is an "old pro". There are many kids who will be there who have never been to school or have not been to that school, and to look out for them and be kind as much as that is possible. (My mother had also rightly pointed out to Mr. Big Head that he didn't need to tell everybody that he is in the gifted & talented program.)

Me...I made it all the way to the car before I started to cry.

Stuff like this always makes me think about the time when Nathan was not even three, and I switched him from Putnam City United Methodist where he had always gone to daycare, to Council Road Baptist. I was so nervous about transitioning him from one place to another...couldn't imagine what this would be like for the little guy. I took off early a couple of afternoons so I could take Nathan by Council Road and introduce him to his new friends. I remember the first day I dropped him off...it was a beautiful spring morning in April. I took him into the room and I was all prepared for the clinging and trauma. He went and started to play right away. No big deal mom.

I cried. I'm not sure what's worse - the tugging at your heart when your child clings and doesn't want to let you go...doesn't want you to leave OR the breaking of your heart when your realize your child doesn't need you.

Later that day, I called to check on him to make sure he was ok. I never will forget what the teacher told me..she said right now he is standing by the window with another child and they are looking outside. He did not cry that day, and he had no problems whatsoever. I wish I could say the same for me.

-Robyn...just a sentimental, weepy, misty-eyed Mommy today






- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
more scriptures...
more fav scriptures...

Thou hast put gladness in my heart.
-Psalm 4:7

When I am afraid I will trust in you.
-Psalm 56:3

Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble and always be prayerful.
-Romans 12:12

For I am about to do a brand new thing. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
-Isaiah 43:19




- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
another Jedi sighting
My son came over this morning...

He immediately went to the television and started up the Star Wars movie from where he left off yesterday. I later walked in the room to see him sitting on the couch holding his light saber watching the movie.

here we go again

-Robyn...I'm definitely on the dark side


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:01 AM 1 comments

 
Sentimental Nail Polish
OK, no clever name for this post. It is complete shallow. While others out there on the web are writing of politics and religion and deep, intellectual-type things...I am writing a missive about nail polish. But you know what's worse? You are reading it. At least I'm writing!

I absolutely have to look at the name of a nail polish. The color is only part of the process. The name is equally as important. The clever marketing people have obviously figured this out.

see what I mean:
"her fabulous-ness"
"it's all greek to me" pink
"I'm not a waitress" red
"light my tiki"
"clear" ....I know! This is one catchy name!

I have a bottle of dried up pink sparkly polish that I am keeping solely for sentimental reasons because Nathan bought it for me. I used to paint my toes with it all the time and it's called "this little piggy pink".

-Robyn...her fabulous-ness



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
favorite scripture passages
My favorite scripture passages...

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
-Ephesians 4:29

Do all things without complaining.
-Philippians 2:14

Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else.
-Galatians 6:4

casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you
-1 Peter 5:7
(this verse is especially meaningful to me because Nathan brought it to my attention during a period in my life when it was exactly what I needed to hear)

more to come
-Robyn


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
I told you so
The best quotes and phrases and bumper sticker and sayings etc. etc. of all time:
(in no particular order, except the order I am putting them in)

"Do not forget that true love sets no conditions; it does not calculate or complain, but simply loves."
- Pope John Paul II

"You did what you knew how to do. And when you knew better, you did better".
-Maya Angelou

"Every idiot we date is one less idiot we risk marrying."
from the book "Kiss My Tiara"

plants and animals die every day to make room for your fat ass (bumper sticker)

not all who wander are lost (bumper sticker)

"what's the one thing that makes us feel better no matter what?"
(why it's manicures & pedicures!)
from the movie "Legally Blonde"

"It's nice to be nice to the nice"
-Frank Burns

more to come
-Robyn


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Utah AGAIN
I'm telling ya... Utah is a BAD freakin' place to be!

Boy Scout Missing in Utah
Monday, August 23, 2004


SALT LAKE CITY — Search teams and volunteers on the ground and in the air scoured a 36-square mile area in the Uinta Mountains Monday looking for a 12-year-old Boy Scout.
Garrett Bardsley of Elk Ridge was last seen Friday. Police said he was fishing with his father when he was sent back to camp a few hundred yards away to change his wet shoes...





- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
the "Force" is back with us
My son pulled out the well-worn copy of the Star Wars movie again. No doubt this is just the beginning of a renewed obsession with this movie. Don't know what it is about kids and videos, but given the opportunity they will watch the same thing over and over and over and over again.

He's been off the Star Wars thing for a while. Since he wants to be a Rock Star we have watched "School of Rock" about a million times now. I knew the "School of Rock" thing had to be coming to an end because last week we had grown so tired of it we actually began to watch the bonus features on the dvd. Still, better than the "Extremely Goofy Movie" - not one I'd recommend.

We have actually managed to combine the Rock Star and Jedi obsessions - he has learned to play the Star Wars theme on his guitar.

Back to Star Wars, two summers ago it was non-stop jedi action. You know those automatic doors, like at the supermarket? Whenever we approached one, I had to stand back and wait for Nathan to open it with the force...two fingers in a sweeping motion...

We also constantly used Jedi mind tricks on people. That was total fun. Yes please...more of that! Secretly, even without my son, I still constantly do this. I doing one on you right now. You must be weak-minded, why else would you be reading this?

With the prior Star Wars obsession, there were light saber fights and I was continually having to buy more eyeliner because someone kept using mine to draw jedi features on their face. Last year, he was Darth Vadar for Halloween, the year before he was the Bounty Hunter Jango Fett. Sadly, this year he wants to be OSU mascot Pistol Pete ugh but maybe with enough renewed interest in Star Wars we can gently sway him from the dark side.

-Robyn...the good news about playing Star Wars is I always get to be Princess Leia or Queen Amidala



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Sentimental Lip Gloss
just a bunch of random thoughts...because random thoughts are on my mind...

OK, I am such a fashion victim. I want a poncho. I know it's wrong, but if a piece of clothing looks like it's either 1. from 1985 or 2. suitable for a 15 year old, I want to buy it and wear it. It's probably a good thing that I don't have a daughter because I'm sure that I would live vicariously through her and insist that she wear the latest fashions. Knowing my luck though, I'd be the one to have the little girl who totally doesn't care about what's in vogue. That's too bad. I'd say get in there missy and put on your converse high-tops and your cave-woman-flintstone-looking hemline of a skirt and your t-shirt with a clever saying on it. You are going to look cool dammit!

So anywho, bought my niece a poncho for her b-day. Since she is my brother's child, I can freely buy her clothes which are unsuitable for a 10 year old girl. When she was here this summer, I sent her home with my Aeropostale lifeguard shirt which said on the front "Saving Hotties Daily" and "sweetie" on the back. It's equally inappropriate for a pre-teen girl or a 33 year old woman. I'm sure that it has since "mysteriously disappeared" in the laundry. he he he (also of note here: should a grown woman really be able to wear and swap the same size clothes as small children? I think not. There's something wrong there and I probably need to cover up my stomach.)

One more random thought on clothes. OK, two more. Last year I was a sponsor at church summer camp. I was a sponsor to the "tween" girls. On of the girls in my bunkhouse and I had the same Paul Frank shirt. I am very much aware that it was entirely inappropriate for one of us to own that piece of clothing. Her! Ha! Couple of months ago, I went to my friend Paula's wedding. I had on the cutest little suit, and I swear, this 60ish year old woman had on the same outfit. Again, inappropriate for one of us. Her! But I realize that I am so cool and everyone wants to be like me. I'm sooooooooo popular. blah blah blah

OK, just one more. I am the proud owner of camo capri pants. Had to have 'em. Brings back a fond memory. I was in high school. It was a father/daughter bonding moment. My dad took me to the army surplus store. Not sure why. Dad bought me a pair of camo pants. I put them on and was so proud. My mom took one look at me and said "you look just like Patti Hearst!". But alas I am a big girl and now I can wear whatever I want, and that includes fashion faux paux and camoflague.

Also of note, since I really oughta talk about something other than clothes. I'm not completely superficial. I cooked this weekend. Yes, I was domestic and I am not ashamed to admit that it felt good. I've really been out of the cooking mode so that was nice because I love to cook. Everything (the 2 things I cooked, being overly dramatic here) turned out, didn't burn anything or have any mishaps so that's good. Nobody appeared to have gotten food poisioning, etc. Guess I'm not completely out of it. Maybe I just think it was good because of all the allergy/sinus meds I've had.

I'm a grown woman, have a job, a child, various responsibilities and I am completely and totally unable to get myself out of bed in the mornings. About half the time I swear I sleep through my alarm. For a while I went to bed with my cell phone and would have it vibrate me awake (I know, that sounds really bad), but now I think I'm becoming immune to that too.

Since I am not yet immune to the shrill ringing of the telephone, I received a wake up call from my mother this morning, only amazingly enough, for some strange cosmic reason, I had already managed to drag my lazy sleepy ass out of bed. So mom's wakeup call came when I was in the shower and then blow drying my hair, and she was beginning to think I had overdosed on Benadryl (always a possibility) and was getting ready to come and knock down my door. I've never od'd on the stuff before...did have that weekend where I was with the parents and having an allergy attack and got confused on children's dosage and adult dosage and took too much. I normally take several benadryl, but I normally take Children's Benadryl. Anyways, I got my hands on a package of Benadryl and popped the normal amount but it was adult formula. Needless to say it induced a very nice hibernation/coma like state which I would greatly welcome right now. Mmmmmm good times.

That's it for now, btw I totally have on my retro 80's looking black and pink striped shirt....I know you are jealous.

-Robyn...I feel just like skipping



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
non-repressed memories
OK, I've had excessive amounts of benadryl today, so I guess I'm being reflective and not the least bit funny. So that's the big disclaimer on this corny sentimental blog.

the best childhood memories...

My Mom made us cherry turnovers to eat while we were watching the Wizard of Oz...you know, back when it was cool because they only showed it on t.v. once a year and you couldn't get instant electronic gratification by video/DVD.

My mom makes the best pie. She would make a cherry pie and it would be divided into 8 pieces, distributed as follows: 1 piece each Mom, Dad, Ken, Robyn, Justin, and the next morning for breakfast, 1 piece each for Ken, Robyn & Justin. Pie for breakfast - mmmmmm.

Saturday mornings I would go eat breakfast with my Dad and his work friends while my brothers stayed in bed asleep. I always loved getting up early and going with him. If we didn't go out to breakfast, Dad would go to Clark's Pastry Shop and buy us cookies to eat.

Going to eat at My Pie Pizza with my Grandma.

My Dad would take me to Street's to go shopping. My Mom said he could by me a dress, but he bought me two.

My Dad always took us to the movies on Christmas Eve. To the theatre that only showed one movie. We always got dressed up. Once he took me to see Snow White and I got to wear my Snow White dress.

Getting to spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa's house. On the way, got to stop at 7-Eleven and get a giant Butterfinger and an icy. In the morning, there would be donuts.

I got to be Princess Isabella in a school play.

Playing Barbies and swimming at Libby Quaid's house. Riding my apple-green bike.

Reading my Nancy Drew books. This was before the days of the giant book superstores and the internet. It was hard to find all the books to complete my collection. But my dad traveled, and wherever he went he would find a bookstore and bring me back a book I didn't have.

The very best birthday parties. There was one party...I was probably about 6. This was before the days of "Party Bazaar". My mom made all of us princess crowns out of construction paper. We had jewelry of candy necklaces and bracelets. My mom made me a cake that had cinderella and the royal coach on it. The party was in my backyard on the picnic table. There was another party, a pizza party, where my mom made invitations out of construction paper that looked like slices of pizza. At the party we all made our own personal pizzas. No Chuck-E-Cheese - what a concept!

After church, when my parents were both socializing in the fellowship hall, telling my dad that my mom wanted to go out to lunch and innocently asking where he wanted to go, then finding my mom and telling her my dad wanted to go to lunch...etc. Worked every time.

Our family vacation at Yellowstone National Park. Me and Mom and Justin would walk down to the "General Store" everyday. They had an old-fashioned ice-cream parlor. (note to self...amazing how many of the happy childhood memories involve food - obsessed much?). I also remember our trip to Mount Rushmore. We traveled in a camper. My Grandparents had a camper too and we met up with them. I liked to visit my Grandma in their camper and we would play Old Maid and make Rice Crispie treats. I think about that every time I see Rice Crispies.

My Grandma sneaking me off to get my ears pierced without permission. Classic.

Family Christmas parties where there would always be cold kraft mac n cheese made by my Aunt Debbie, and my Aunt Hazel's pea salad with chunks of cheese in it. I wish I had the recipe - for the pea salad that is...pretty much have the whole mac n cheese thing mastered.

The Christmas where I got a silver evening bag from my grandparents. My brother Ken wrote my name on the outside of it with red lipstick.

Me loosing my avon bunny necklace in pre-school, and Jon T. Heath finding it for me. I still have that necklace. The ears wiggle. I should totally wear it.

-Robyn...I want a poncho so damn bad I can hardly stand it.

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
proof is in the pudding...or the olives
There have been two times when I knew, I just knew, that my son was indeed my son.

For the most part, the little guy walks around looking and sounding like a mini-me of his father, like I had little or nothing to do with him and was merely the vessel that brought him into this world. He does have my devastatingly gorgeous mesmerizingly powerful bewitching blue eyes though. Lucky him, and too bad for the rest of the world who has to look us in the eye...
anyway...

The other day, we went to Blockbuster Video. The newly re-arranged Blockbuster video. Here's how it went:

Nathan: "They've re-arranged Blockbuster!"
Me: "yep"
Nathan: "Just look at how feng shui it is in here! You can feel the chi flowing!"

I swear to God.

He did not hear this from his father.

Positive energy flowing at the Blockbuster! You'd think this meant we rented a really good movie. Nuh-uh.

The only other time I just knew, Nate was about three. I walked into the kitchen and there sat the cute little guy, sitting criss-cross/apple-sauce smack dab in the middle of the kitchen tile, eating green olives out of the jar with a spoon. That's my boy. I grabbed my own utensil and said "scoot over buddy".

-Robyn...sharp corners are pointing at me

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
By the way....

The guy who dumped me in the email....well he decided we DID have chemistry after all. What did I tell ya? Here's what happened. Apparently, fearful that I was too good to be true (yes gentlemen, I am practically perfect and perhaps the nicest girl you will ever meet and would be more than happy to bake you cookies or whip up a batch of rice crispie treats 4 U anytime) he had decided to do the pre-emptive breakup. Then after I sent him my very nice reply....you know OK, oh well, thought we got along alright, do what you need to do blah blah blah e-mail he wisely decided I was too precious to let go of and there was IN DEED chemistry and he did want to proceed forward with dating me.

Too. damn. bad. !!!

-Robyn...adored by the masses

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:15 AM 2 comments

 
today is the best day ever

hello....is anyone out there? Can you hear me? Just wanted to let you know I'm experiencing skirt-twirling, spinning around and around and around until you are dizzy, driving in a convertible with the top down, having pistachio almond ice cream, snow falling on your tounge, hearing a baby's laugh, sand between your toes, sleeping in, finding a $20 in your coat pocket, winning a free medium coke with next purchase kind of giddiness. That's all. Goodnight.

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 1 comments

 
The Sky is Falling!
Signs it'll never work with a guy.....

1. He can't figure out that your name is Robyn, not Robin. Or even worse, constantly calls you something like Sweety, so as to not confuse your name with someone else's.

2. He can't quite grasp that your birthday is not on May 12.

3. He has a playstation.

4. You can wear his jeans. Don't ever hang around a guy the same size as or smaller than you.

5. His parents live within the same state border or a neighboring state.

6. Two words: pet snake.

7. Your sock monkey doesn't like him.

8. Memory loss: he frequently forgets HE has the balls...

9. When you are 9 months pregnant & wearing a red dress, tells you you look like a giant red tomato (this particular relationship won't work because he'll be dead and you'll probably be in jail. Never cross a girl with baby hormones).

10. He likes Jeff Gordon.

11. He doesn't read anything not printed on magazine paper.

12. He wraps all presents for you in newspaper....or even worse, leftover Christmas paper.

13. Only gets you flowers or cards of the "I'm sorry I was a jackass" variety.



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Church Lady

This is my church home...

http://www.lifechurch.tv

click on OKC campus
"Best of Life Church" on the left hand side of the screen
to watch past messages

"Growing to the Chapel" is a great series. I avoided it for a long time, didn't go to church when he was preaching the message, because I was going thru the big dissolution and didn't want to hear anything marriage-related. Ugh. I was completely wrong though....this message has so much more to do with man/woman relationships in general and has really spoken to me. I have now gone back and watched it several times.

other messages I think worth watching...
Joy
It's All in Your Mind
Religion Bites
Pain Killers

c'mon....give it a try.....what else are you going to watch? That re-run of Friends for the 82nd time?

Also I go to Sunday School at a different church...
http://www.crossingsokc.org

this is the Singles ministry
http://www.crossingsokc.org/ND/ministries/adult/singles/index.html
I have been going to the Walk On Sunday School class.

-Robyn








- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 3 comments

 
God Save the Queen
My favorite British words and phrases, in no particular order:

1. wanker
2. pram
3. sod off
4. bum
5. bugger off
6. fag
7. bollocks
8. puff
9. loo
10. trainers

This is an ongoing list....feel free to make suggestions and I will be adding more as the come to me.

-R....Bridget Jones wannabe, in search of my Colin Firth




- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 4 comments

 
The Search for Strawberry Soda: Quality Control Division
Memorandum: the search for strawberry soda, by me, has officially been discontinued. No more random taste-testing of various mysterious cans, wrapped in plain brown paper...not knowing what you are drinking. After extensive (lie) research, our team of experts has concluded you don't have to actually look for the best strawberry soda. It will come to you. That's right...

Not necessarily when you are at your thirstyest, but rather when the time is right, God will see that the strawberry soda is the can that magically comes out of the soda machine, having little to do with what button you pushed or if you had correct change. If you have just the teensiest bit of faith...strawberry seed size... it'll happen, and it'll be the best strawberry soda you've ever tasted.



Robyn....not coca cola, but it's the real thing

p.s....why don't teensiest and thirstyest show up in the spell-checker?




- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
smart girls vote
I signed up to help with John Kerry's campaign here in Oklahoma. It was very exciting at first, that day I opened up my e-mail and had a message from John Kerry himself! Then I got one from Mr. Edwards, and then I got one from Bill Clinton (side note...his was probably more due to my single status and not so much about my political involvements).

At first it seemed kind of special. I kept John's messages (yes, I feel like we are on a first name basis now) in my mailbox for a few days so every time I signed in, there he was. But then he sent another one, and another one, and another one... You don't possibly think that each and every one of these messages isn't personal and special to him??? Anyway, the deluge of e-mail messages is starting to irritate me so much, it's making me wonder if I should change my political affiliations.

-Robyn for president

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 PM 1 comments

 
bad hair day
Olympic Gymanstics - I understand the complicated, technical scoring. I understand all the various moves, dismounts, techniques, routines... But would somebody please explain to me what is going on with those barrettes? Not only do have have to meet certain competitive requirements in order to earn a place on the team, apparently you must also wear a hairstyle involving a ponytail and many silver barrettes. I have worn my hair in a ponytail many a times, and not once have I had to secure it with 50 little silver barrettes. Have these girls not heard of bobby pins....hellllloooooooo...invisible! Or hair gel? Is there some chemical in hair gel that the rest of us don't know about that perhaps causes athletes to test positive for steriods, therefore they avoid it? Could it be that the added weight in the barrettes has the ability to alter their performance....??? the olympic judges may want to look into this conspiracy theory. It is so distracting, I can't even watch their performances. Hmmmmm...this may be the case for the judges as well!

Or if you are afraid of hair products and would rather wear so many of the silver clippy things that you would be unable to go thru a metal detector....uhhhhhh what about a different haircut? I'm thinking something short or which doesn't need to involve layers which you will obviously regret and need to clip and clip and clip?????

-Robyn...gold medal in style

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 PM 0 comments

 
Suggestion Box
As you will recall from a previous posting, I was unceremoniously dumped via email after four dates. I thought we'd spend some time to formulate some possible responses to the electronic message. Here's the message I received, and various witty responses follow:

Hi Robyn, Sorry for not getting with you sooner. I had to work on Saturday. I know Thursday might not have been all that it coulda, woulda, shoulda, have been.I just wanted to get some
feedback from you. I am enjoying your company, but even though we get along
intellectually I am feeling that there is a certain lack of chemistry between us. Let me know if you see it different and I am way off base and just not reading it right.L8r, name withheld

1.
Dear Name Withheld,
Bite me.
I can't take credit for this one. Suggested by Boss.

2.
Dear Name Withheld,
Sorry we weren't forming great chemistry. I'm sorry that, out of our four dates, the two dates we had at the movies where we sat in a theatre and were unable to speak to one another did not bring us closer together.

(note to self: This is a great example of why "what YOU want" is extremely important. I didn't even get to see the movie I wanted to see! Should have thrown a fit, stomped my feet and held my breath, until I got "The Village" instead of that stupid "Bourne Supremacy"!)

3.
Dear Name Withheld,
Sorry we didn't have great chemistry. I will learn from this experience and next time I will wear my white lab coat over my stunning red dress. Do I need to get some safety goggles too? Does the whole lab coat/lab/mad scientist role playing fantasy do anything for you?

4.
Dear Name Withheld,
I can't believe you are breaking up with me. After those four meaningful dates we had. I was so looking forward to meeting your Mom, and our wedding this fall. Would you consider couples counseling? Please e-mail me back as soon as possible to let me know, or I'll call you. Every 15 minutes.

5.
Dear Name Withheld,
I am completely shocked you have used e-mail as the medium in which to break up with me. I must say I never saw that coming. Even after you used e-mail to ask me out on our last date.
I will never look at my in-box the same way again. Frankly, I blame Microsoft for the failure of our relationship.

6.
Dear Name Withheld,
I am saddened to learn you didn't think we had chemistry. I often find I have great chemistry when I communicate in relationships solely using e-mail rather than than something that involves close physical proximity, tangible human interaction or involves a voice.

7.
Dear Name Withheld,
I'm sorry your computer does not have chemistry with my computer. I'm calling the help desk immediately to try to get this resolved. I don't care how long I have to be on hold!

Suggestions are welcome and appreciated. I obviously need all the help I can get with this whole man/woman thing.

I can't do this any more. I am so through with dating. I swear. I'm done. I'm going to buy 18 cats and a unicorn collection and start buying my clothes at Wal-Mart and wearing sensible shoes on unpolished toes. Maybe even move back in with the folks.

-Robyn...I kissed dating goodbye



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:01 AM 1 comments

 
this ain't no strawberry soda...
the following is based on actual events....

I went on four dates with a guy, then got this e-mail:

Hi Robyn, Sorry for not getting with you sooner. I had to work on Saturday. I know Thursday might not have been all that it coulda, woulda, shoulda, have been. I just wanted to get some feedback from you. I am enjoying your company, but even though we get along intellectually I am feeling that there is a certain lack of chemistry between us. Let me know if you see it different and I am way off base and just not reading it right. L8r, name withheld

And it was an e-mail. Not even an instant message where we might actually have to engage in an on-line conversation about our lack of chemistry.

First of all, I've never, ever had a lack of chemistry with anybody. Oh, except for that man I was married to for 10+ years, but that's a whole other story. Anyways, chemistry is normally not a problem. It's usually just the opposite, lots o' chemistry and not much substance. So I guess we can be pleased with the fact I'm making progress and people find me intellectually appealing. Maybe pretty doesn't matter and I don't need to worry about getting those pedicures so often.

Do you remember the days when people actually had to pick up the phone to dump you? Granted, he had to type this out, but it could be a macro, an automated response.

Guys can be such babies. And advances in electronic media are just making it easier for them...first they didn't want to see the look on your face so they used the phone, now they don't even want to hear your voice. On the plus side, you don't have to hear their voice either, so you don't have that tape to play and re-play in your head. Just hit the delete button. You'll just have to stick to listening to the other voices in your head.

date #1, dinner $10.00
date #2, pancakes at IHOP, $4.00
date #3, dinner $10.00
date #4, movie $8.00
getting dumped in an e-mail, pricel....wait a minute, it was actually worth about $32.00.

and I can assure you I looked drop-dead gorgeous, not the least bit intellectual, every single time...

What is the big deal about chemistry anyway? Isn't that achievable with just about anybody?

I may not be any sort of relationship expert, but I know that chemistry is not the thing that lasts.

-Robyn...dumped by the ghost in the machine



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Insert Clever Title Here
Did you ever have one of those moments of clarity when you realize your life is completely normal? I had that most glorious moment this morning (the sun was shining, birds were singing, my cute little skirt was flappin' in the breeze, blah blah blah) when I realized that my life was 100% completely back to normal and relatively crisis-free.

And even 100% normal means that I forgot to put my mascara on this morning and my car is a pit and I still haven't cleaned my bathroom and my fridge is still empty and I'm just a big disorganized frosted flake who lost her keys this week and misplaced the cellular....it's good. I've known for a while that I was going to be ok no matter what....it's just that pivotal moment when you realize the "no matter what", the particular circumstance, is totally behind you....looking at your cute little fanny. Because stuff that happens doesn't define who you are, it's just stuff that happens to you.

-Robyn...insert witty comment here

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Potato Follow Up
I don't know which is more astounding. The fact that I actually took the time to write and post an entry on a baked potato, or the fact that two other people felt compelled to comment on my ode to the potato. I went back yesterday and got another potato, it was almost worthy of a follow-up posting, but I was suffering writer's block so it's not going to happen. Editor's note: we are exploring the possibility of adding postings for tater tots, steak fries, french fries, twice-baked potatoes and my personal favorite - mashed - due to the popularity of the potato post. You might want to refresh your internet browser every 5 minutes or so to see if we've made an update.

-Robyn

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
I am Emma

I bet you were up tossing & turning last night, just like me, wondering which Austen heroine I am most like. Now you know.

My friend Kyndal had this on her blog so I thought I'd give it a whirl....

here's the description...
it's your duty to help those less influential than you. You often meddle in the affairs of others, though you do it with a pure heart. You are often deluded in your flights of fancy, but your good intentions and creative spirit make you someone anyone could like.

-Emma

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Another On-Time Delivery
Another sleepless night. I went to bed at 11:00, just dog-ass (what's that mean anyway?) tired. I fell asleep initially, but then I woke up and there was no hope. Thank goodness for blogging or I might actually be forced to watch that stupid movie I rented. It's so embarrassing I'm not even going to tell you what it is. It's not my fault though, it was slim-pickins at Blockbuster.

I know why I can't sleep tonight. I promised Boss I would be at the office by 8:00. So I have been tossing and turning and looking at the clock. Well, actually, I can't see the clock without my contacts in, so it's more like turning my head in the general direction of the clock. Tossing and turning sounds more dramatic though, doesn't it? I want to get there at 8 so I can make a big deal about it. Don't you love it? I want to make a big deal over the fact that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing...my job! How sick and twisted. I'll be all theatrical and exasperated that I'm there nearly on time. And he should be grateful for that and how I pretty up the place. I mean, it wasn't my idea to open the silly office at such an ungodly hour! Especially when the nearest coffee is 1/2 mile away at the Starbucks. Like I'm going to go to Conoco next door and drink - gasp - gas station coffee????? Oh the horror!

-Robyn...the best part of waking up is Folg....uhhhh, I'll get back to you on that one, after I awake

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
That's right - just cheese, ranch, butter & olives...
Are you sitting down? I got a baked potato today. I called in my order, and I just knew I was going to have to repeat it several times when the girl asked me to "hode on" instead of "hold on" before she slammed the phone on the counter.

When I got to the restaurant to pick it up, they didn't have it ready yet because they were confused over the simplicity of my order: a baked potato with butter, spicy ranch dressing, cheese and black olives. How could this be? This is not a choice on our menu!!! No, I don't want the one with bacon or chives or turkey or dressing or meatloaf or whatever weird-ass stuff you want to put on a friggin' potato! I could overhear the cashier discussing my order with the chef....she repeated it to him three times. He kept repeating it back to her, like it was the strangest, most unbelievable thing he had ever heard. An alien ship just landed in the parking lot. Elvis is alive and well. Michael Jackson wants his old nose back. And this woman only wants what on her potato?

On the plus side, this did give me plenty of time to pick out which cookie I wanted. On the dark side, it brings out a slightly mean streak in me. Every time I repeat my order it makes me want to change it, make it slightly different and even more complex.

Geez, it gets harder and harder every day to eat carbs.

-Robyn...havin' it your way, as long as your way isn't with butter, spicy ranch, cheese and black olives

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 2 comments

 
National Do Not Call Registry
Recently, thanks to our lawmakers, the "National Do-Not-Call Registry" was enacted. This is where you enter your telephone number and telemarketers are not allowed to call you. It is a big no-no.

We should not be terribly surprised or impressed that our lawmakers thought of this. After all, our government is still mostly comprised of males. And men have had their own do-not-call registry for years. It is called the entire female population.

It is a grand conspiracy of males to tell females they will call. Then they don't. I have a theory that they have all banded together to do this. Then, when a guy truly and deeply cares for a girl, he will actually call. That is how everyone knows he is serious, much like the Batman signal flashed in the sky. It goes something like this....."You are never going to believe what happened! He said he would call me on Tuesday night...and guess what! He did!". (And shame on us girls for thinking a guy is all that just because he actually does what he says he is going to do.)

There is one other possible scenario. It's rare though. The guy was raised properly. A gentleman. Has manners. A man of his word. I know, shocking. Utterly shocking.

I was completely taken aback when I started dating and learned that guys will actually tell you they will call you, but they won't. It took me a couple of first-hand experiences and watching every episode of "Sex in the City" to figure this one out. I am so naive. I had no idea.

I just can't do it. I just can't tell someone I'm going to call, and not do it. At my absolute worst, I will wait too long to call you, and I can assure you I will feel very guilty about it.

I know times have changed, and I can pick up the phone and call a guy myself, but I'm still kind of old-fashioned. I find this difficult to do. I don't own a copy of "The Rules". I will never go out and buy one. I will never be that ultra modern chic sophisticated worldly dater. If you call me up and ask me out, and I don't have a conflict, I'll go. I won't say no to a date on Friday just because you waited until Wednesday to ask me. I won't intentionally ignore your messages for days because I think it will make you want me more. I'm just not that kind of girl, and I never will be. I don't want to be.

And please don't think you are anything special just because I care if you call. If someone says they are going to call me, and doesn't, I become genuinely concerned. I will think you are stuck in a ditch, have been attacked by a wild dingo or have fallen and can't get up. I will wonder if I should bake you cookies, send you flowers, visit you in the hospital. Don't get too excited... just because I'm concerned doesn't mean I want to marry you and have your babies. It just means that I am nice. Don't forget I'm also genuinely concerned about the homeless guy on the street corner when I give him a dollar, but I have no expectation whatsoever that I will ever see him again or that we will have any sort of lasting relationship.

-Robyn....no rules, just right

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
The Actual Contents of My Refrigerator
1. water
2. butter
3. milk - yes, I actually got milk right now. Impressive. I don't drink it though.
4. ketchup
5. jelly, grape of course. Any other kind is for freaks.
6. chocolate syrup
7. cold gel eye masks, to reduce puffiness
8. Kraft cheese slices - these things are not from nature and have an infinite shelf life.
9. baking soda - you know, to keep the contents of my refrigerator smelling fresh

-Robyn

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
True Confession: Me No Understand Football
I don't understand football. I really, really, really want to though. I want to put on team sweatshirts, tailgate, make special snacks for halftime and throw Superbowl parties, but I just don't get it. Nobody has ever explained it to me.

I know I should. I was a photographer at football games for years. But I was always busy taking pictures...of what, I dunno. Mom is a huge OU fan. In fact, she wanted to name older brother Steve Owen. So you think something genetically would have rubbed off. It didn't though.

I lived with Mr. Sports for years. Obviously, our marriage was not strong enough for him to attempt to teach me the nuances of football. We never could just pick a game, a game that didn't matter, so he could use that to teach me. All games were of equal importance. I knew better than to interrupt to ask a question. I just watched and listened quietly.

When I was married, I even went to the OSU football games. I loved to put on my "gear" and the whole experience. But our season tickets were in the end zone, which is apparently not the best place to sit when you don't know what the *#^%$) is going on. Besides, OSU always looses, so what fun is that? I was really good at being the one to go fetch hot cocoa.

Once, I even picked a pro team. I chose the Raiders, and I must be a good picker because they ended up going to the Superbowl that year. I picked them because their colors were black and silver, pretty. They had a female owner. And I liked that whole pirate thing.

Last year, when I was watching a game, one of the announcers completely dumbed it down...he said "Offense, they blank and blank. Defense, they blank and blank". Whatever he said totally made sense, but I didn't write it down so I lost what they blanky blanks are. I need a cheat sheet. "Football for Blondes", "Football for Dummies", something.

Nascar I get. Baseball, basketball, I get. But somebody, please explain football to me so that I can finally go to Buffalo Wild Wings and watch Monday Night Football and not be such an airhead. Besides, we can play fantasy football and bet a steak dinner or something.

I also can't drive a stick and don't know how to play solataire, but one thing at a time.

-Robyn

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Utah Refugee Sighting
I saw an SUV pulling a trailer this morning. It had Utah plates. I can only assume it was another female refugee trying to escape the state...the Mormons, the wife killers, the kidnappers, etc. You go girl!

-Robyn


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Bill Gates - the anti-christ?
No, he couldn't be. People don't like him. People will like the anti-christ and find himher charming. Yes, himher is a word.

I'm just mad because I have been jacking around between excel and power point for two hours and all I managed to do is lose my data and not accomplish anything. Yes I know I should have been more dilligent about saving, but hey...I was busy working and caught up in the moment. Besides, it takes two to tango and excel was right there with me....what the $&%($ was it doing? Where's my auto-save? I'm obviously too tired to be working on stuff, so I thought I would make some sort of concerted effort to type coherent thoughts here. Doubt I'll be able to do that because a second ago when I was trying to type effort I typed a totally different word I didn't even mean and now I can't even tell you what it was.

Uh oh, Boss apparently reads these things. Boss, I owe you a humble, heart-felt apology. No more blogging at work. I will begin self induced torture and flaggelation right now. For punishment I will probably stay out of your candy drawer for the rest of the week. I will do things more in line with company procedures and acceptable workplace practices. I promise to make it my goal that I will learn how to play Solataire instead of blogging. I don't care if it takes extra hours at night or on weekends, or what kind of specialized training I have to get.

So since we know Boss reads these I will make a note to self to watch what I post out here....no ramblings on about unfit work conditions, like the lack of a refrigerator or coffee pot (I have to drive to Starbucks for cryin' out loud!), the lack of the the candy that I like (nevermind the fact that it's gone because I ate it all), etc.

I will also take a moment to point out to Boss that I do generally get to work in the mornings within half an hour of when he's asked me to get there....I mean, that whole 8 o'clock thing is really more like a guideline isn't it? In the months that I've had a key to the office, I've only lost it once. I do try to make the office a prettier place. I think we can all agree that my toes always look good. I only wore my camoflage capri pants that one time when I thought you wouldn't be coming into the office. Also, don't forget who brought you the donut today and who took the initiative to establish "donut day".

And one more thing, it's not nice to make fun of people when their lymph nodes hurt. Mine really do. It's not nice to not be nice. You will really be kicking yourself if I end up having a bad case of lymphnodeitis or something.

Gotta go. Have to go to bed so I can get up and be at work at 8ish tomorrow.

P. S. Didn't ever really think Bill Gates could be the anti-christ. I've long thought, since my son was a toddler, that it must be Barney the Dinosaur. I think Barney will gather his legions by singing the "I Love You, You Love Me" song.

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
blather blah blah
this is just blather blah blah about nothing...

There is a picture in today's paper of a Miss Oklahoma Teen contestant. The caption says "Miss blah blah blah blah wears 4-inch heels as she practices modeling and stage presentation at pageant prep..." Whatever! I would agree that walking in high heels is an important social skill. So I guess I practice modeling and stage presentation every day! (after all, I am a star ) Who needs to practice how to walk? I think I mastered that to the best of my ability when I was about 2. Granted, I'm not always that skilled at it, but I don't think practicing is going to help. I just have to remind myself to go slow and take my time.

I'm so tired today and all of my lymph nodes are swollen which always makes me think of Debra Winger in Terms of Endearment so I get just a bit panicky. I might even be more panicky if I didn't want to take a nap so badly. Plus ever since I went to the eye doctor my contacts have not been quite right and I have this weird vision thing going on... I put the......at the end of the sentence because I know it's not grammatically correct to end it with a preposition so I can't just put the one period, like this.

I have a shocking true confession. I really like bald guys. Smooth, shaved heads. I met a guy at church last weekend, and he introduced himself to me and we were talking and this is so weird to admit...I was thinking I like your bald head. Can you compliment someone like that? Can I actually say I find your bald head aesthetically pleasing? Aren't most men embarrassed about being follically challenged and if I pointed out their most embarrassing feature to them, that would be bad, wouldn't it? Most of the time I do have to resist my urge to feel of people's hair. If someone's got spiky hair I want to touch it to see if it's soft or crunchy. If someone is bald I want to feel it and see if it's smooth. I'm usually able to control myself. This goes back to my brother's GI Joe dolls...the one's with the felt hair. I liked to feel that too.

My brother has been all over my case about this no facial hair on guys thing. I just don't like it. My dad is 61 and still has a full head of hair and has had a mustache most of my life. I think it is perfectly normal that, in seeking out members of the opposite sex, I would lean towards guys with less hair and no mustaches. I mean, wouldn't it be the slightest bit creepy if I found guys attractive with the same physical characteristics as my father? But my brother says this must mean I think our father is unattractive, which is not true. He's just being annoying.

Anyways, for whatever reasoning, however psychologically deep you want to be about it, I like bald guys. And guys, I say embrace your bald heads. Don't cover them up with ball caps. We all know you are bald. You are not fooling anyone. Some of us think you are cute.

I found my keys but I knew I would because I had a new key to the office made yesterday. I knew when I was having the key made that was the one thing that would force my keys to turn up.

New word: carguement
definition: an argument occurring in the confines of an automobile
I'm going to trademark this word. It's mine. I invented it, don't even try to steal it.

Had lots of these when I was married. For a very brief period, my former husband and I carpooled to work. It was brief in the scheme of things, like ten months, but it seemed like an eternity. I will at this time take a moment to point out I am no longer married to this person. I also have a pretty clear understanding that carpooling is one of the top ten reasons for divorce. The last big cargument we had that I can recall with clarity was the infamous Silver Dollar City trip, summer of 2002. I actually lost my cool, my temper, with my husband-at-the-time, right in front of our son. Something which I had never done before. But he was going to make us stay in the car an extra three hours and I couldn't handle it any more. Plus at the end of the extra three hours, we were going to have to see his parents. I got my way and it was totally worth it.

I had a cargument with the last guy I dated. He car travels all the time for his job and I just had the assumption that since he travels all the time he must have a good sense of direction, know how to get places blah blah blah. The cargument started because we had a map and, unbeknownst to me, I was apparently supposed to be the one reading and interpreting the map and telling him where to go. Sadly, I feel like this was the beginning of the end. Once you've had a cargument, it's all downhill from there. When we had the cargument we were still at the point in our relationship, early on, when I was still worried about whether or not my legs looked too fat in my shorty shorts. Which is not something you worry about after you've been with a guy for a while. Ok, I always worry about it. Anyways, when it was all over, I mailed the guy a compass and wished him luck finding his way.

I was thinking about carguments because my son is exceptionally good at wanting to start them. I think I need to create a different environment for the car....that the car is a harmonious, peaceful place....some zen-like atmosphere.....and we should act almost temple-like, library whisperish, funeral parlor peacefulness, baby sleeping tranquility when we get in the car. What do I need to do to accomplish this? Candles on the dashboard? Incense? Those seem kind of dangerous. When you go through the checklist...you know, check the mirrors, adjust the seat blah blah blah, add some yoga postures?

I have one rule about music CDs. It's a very simple rule. You cannot take an original CD to school with you. We can burn 82 copies of the same CD and you can take all 82 of those copies to be lost, destroyed, stolen, used in craft projects, etc....but you may NOT take the only copy of a CD into school with you. No, no, no! Almost every day when we get into the car, my son asks me if he can take a CD into school with him. To which I respond "what is my rule?" and to which he responds "but I'll be careful" blah blah blah blah blah. But you would be proud of me. I never give in...

Someone asked me what my favorite number is the other day and I realized I didn't have one. Put this on my to-do list. I met a guy who's favorite number is 42. I just decided when I typed the above paragraph my favorite number must be 82 because whenever I exaggerate with a number, I always use 82. I can be ever so dramatic about things.

Better go, I have like 82 things to do...

-Robyn blah blah blah blah, blah to the 82nd power








- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 6 comments

 
The Search For Strawberry Soda, Part 5
I went to church with a guy on Sunday.

His three children were in town visiting him. One of his children is the same age as my child, so that's pretty exciting.

The plan was we'd meet for church and go out to lunch after. Me and my kiddo and him and his kiddos. However, my former spouse technically still had Nathan. We were all at the same service though, so I was able to introduce Nathan to his son and they went to the children's worship service together. (Note to self: could possibly hinder ability to meet men at church when you are at same worship service as your former spouse. Thankfully, it's a big church.)

In my personal opinion, I haven't dated very much in my lifetime. It's amazing...the more guys I'm around, it gets faster and easier to be discerning and spot the red flags. Or to just quickly have the feeling that, even if a person is at church, something just isn't right. On to the next one.

I declined this guy's lunch invite. I graciously explained that since I didn't have Nate and we couldn't have all the kids together, he could just go out with his kids and enjoy the time he has with them. Really, I didn't want to intrude on the little time he has to spend with his kids. Another plus of dating more: learning how to graciously decline an invitation - an important social skill but oftentimes hard to do.

Nathan sure was impressed though. He was ready for me to walk down the aisle. His comments:

• If you get married, can I be the ring bearer? Can I be the flower boy?
• That kid would be an awesome brother!
• You mean we're not going to go to lunch with them? Can he take us out to lunch some other time?

I had to explain to Nathan that Mommy may meet men, and we may actually reject a few before we settle on the right one. Or Mommy may stay single the rest of her life and die alone, but that's ok too. I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the point. Seriously, I explained to Nathan that I won't end up with anyone unless it's God's plan and God sends the right man for both me and especially for Nathan.

It's so painfully obvious to me why you have to be so careful about dating when you are a single parent. Who you allow your children to be exposed to. Above all, I have to make decisions that serve to guard him and protect him and are in his best interest because he is the most precious thing in the world to me.

-Robyn

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 1 comments

 
True Confession: How I Spent Saturday Night

1. Went to church with my Mother.
2. Watched Big Brother.
3. Cleaned.
4. Went to Blockbuster with my dog, Okie Dokie. Returned "Welcome to Mooseport" (ok) and "The Last Samurai" (stupid). Rented "Chasing Liberty" (ok, but not as ok as Mooseport) and the 1976 "Freaky Friday". (On a side note this gave me the idea of hosting a Film Festival/Movie Night featuring the works of Jodie Foster.)
5. Went to Braums. Had to go through several flavors of ice cream which they did not have - no the &*%($& did NOT have Pistachio Almond - before I settled on Butter Pecan.
6. Also popped a bag of microwave popcorn.
7. And the crowning achievement - I watched a 1940ish movie with Gary Cooper "Meet John Doe" on PBS.

It's what all the popular/pretty girls are doing on Saturday night. Try not to be TOO jealous of my glamorous life.

-Robyn

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Stuff I Can't Stand
1. mean people
2. worms
3. cold
4. messy purse, messy wallet
5. Claire Burke Apple Jack & Peel potpourri
6. the smell of fried eggs
7. when people mix peanut butter and jelly or peanut butter and syrup together
8. raisins in food
9. onions
10. facial hair on men
11. ball caps, they don't look good on anyone
12. the movie "Vanilla Sky"
13. conservatives and pro-lifers who don't even want to take care of their own kids, but feel secure in telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies
14. washing my car
15. putting gas in my car
16. going to the Post Office
17. chipped nail polish
18. the way it feels right before your period when you are fat, your face is all broken out and you have random feelings of homicide mixed with crying jags
19. panty lines
20. Granny panties & underwear that costs 88 cents at Wal-Mart
21. Wal-Mart
22. roots






- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
About Me
1. I have a son and he is the best thing about my life.

2. I was once the youngest person in the State of Oklahoma to hold an insurance license.

3. I once broke off an engagement because my dad bought me a new shiny red sports car if I'd give the ring back. And it was a big diamond ring.

4. I almost always think I'm fat, but I seldom judge other people's size and hate it when people are called fat.

5. A lot of the time, I sleep in the nude.

6. I was a fraud investigator for 5 years.

7. I was a researcher for a year.

8. I was an underwriter for a year.

9. I was the only girl in my family.

10. I lived at home until the day I got married.

11. When I had my son, I was only in labor for 3 hours.

12. I got my degree in Insurance.

13. I'm a vegetarian.

14. I'm registered Independent and I am very liberal.

15. I never wear a watch and I hardly ever care what time it is.

16. I took College Algebra three times before I passed it.

17. I was photographer on yearbook staff for 4 years in school and had my own darkroom. I took a picture of a drug dog once, and it won an award. Now I do good to take a picture with an automatic camera.

18. My waist is only 22". Nevermind what my bust or hips are though.

19. I have 17 pairs of jeans and they all fit me.

20. I can type really, really, really fast.

21. I have never mowed a yard in my life.

22. I have a conceal/carry gun permit.

23. I absolutely, positively think the death penalty is WRONG!










- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
My Favorite Things
1. Nathan
2. lipgloss
3. bracelets
4. sock monkeys
5. barbies
6. really, really high-heeled shoes
7. rice
8. coffee, especially Starbucks
9. hot, hot showers
10. movies
11. slick new magazines with lots of pictures & the way the paper smells
12. manicures & pedicures
13. listening to music really loud
14. flip flops
15. Dale Earnhardt Jr.
16. anything British
17. frogs (NOT real ones)
18. bears (NOT real ones)
19. fresh flowers - daisies & carnations & gladiolas & sunflowers
20. my yellow bedroom furniture and my antique vanity
21. my puppy
22. my brand new life
23. my cast iron dog
24. my grandma's engagement ring
25. sleeping
26. mexican food
27. the beach
28. the rain
29. school supplies
30. my mom's handwriting
31. french cruellers from Dunkin Donuts - bonus if they have chocolate frosting
32. the music at church
33. Sponge Bob Square Pants
34. candles
35. pretty panties
36. margaritas on the rocks with lots of salt on the rim
37. swinging
38. pistachio almond ice cream
39. dipped cones
40. my coin purse from Mount Rushmore
41. post it notes
42. really, really sharp wood pencils
43. Clark's pastry shop
44. the smell of the bakery at Silver Dollar City
45. hugs and kisses
46. books
47. the pistachio green cabinet I painted
48. birthday cake, especially the icing
49. the smell of clean laundry
50. my fuzzy pink bathrobe
51. the way it feels when you clean your ears with a Q-Tip
52. bald guys
53. the wind whipping my hair



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 1 comments

 
Movies I've Seen
Love Actually - 11.19.03 - this is probably one of my favorite movies ever & I love the scene where Hugh Grant dances

Along Came Polly - 1.25.04 - good

50 First Dates - 2.22.04 - good

Passion of the Christ - 2.28.04

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen - 2.29.04 - ehhhh
Leap years don't come along very often. Don't waste the extra days on movies like this.

Starsky & Hutch - 3.7.04 - ok

Secret Window - 3.13.04 - got scared and left

Agent Cody Banks 2 - 3.14.04 - ok, like the first one better

Taking Lives - 3.21.04 - ehhh

Walking Tall - ok movie, bad date

Scooby-Doo 2 - 4.17.04

Scooby-Doo 2 - 4.25.04 - much better than the 1st one!

Mean Girls - 5.8.04 - ehhh

NY Minute - 5.15.04 - ok

Shrek 2 - 5.31.04 - ok

Harry Potter - 6.4.04 - best one yet

Garfield - 6.12.04 - good

Around the World in 80 Days - ok movie, bad date

Dodgeball - good

Spider-Man 2 - 7.1.04 - awesome!

Anchorman - 7.11.04 - bad, left early

Napoleon Dynamite - 7.24.04 - funny

Catwoman - 7.25.04 - good

I Robot - 7.28.04 - good

Bourne Supremacy - 8.5.04 - OK

I Robot - 8.7.04 - date with Nate. He said it was good.

The Village - 8.9.04 - very good

-Robyn







- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
In Case of Emergency...
1. Pray.

2. Remain calm. Do not panic. Absolutely, positively, do not panic!!!

3. Go get a manicure, a pedicure, a facial....or even better, all three. You may be having a crisis, but this is no time to be running around with scraggly looking nails. Go to Supercuts and get your hair washed and blown-out. For goodness sake, don't get anything (eyebrows, bikini line) waxed. This is no time to start ripping hair of your body (see #2 above). Just maintain your normal shaving ritual and you'll be fine.

4. Buy yourself something pretty.

5. Call friend(s). This is no time to be alone. You will either get support you need, or you will give your friend(s) the opportunity to chuckle about your dilemma once you hang up. But that's ok, because it's important that you are a good friend too, even if that means you are simply providing entertainment.

6. Go to the gym. Does wonders for your mental health and hey....at least it's not making you fat. Plus, chances are you will see those less physically fortunate than you while at the gym, therefore making you feel better about yourself, therefore making you feel better about whatever crisis it is that is in your life.

7. Refuse to let your emotions take the lead. I know, easier said than done.

8. Uncurl from the fetal position, get your heiny out of bed and do something. Anything.

9. Put on a cute outfit and some lipgloss. Put on the pretty panties even if no one sees them. I fix myself up for me and not for anybody else.

10. Do something nice for somebody else. There's nothing that'll make you forget about your own sad little life quicker than focusing on somebody else's sad little life. Just remember, no matter how bad you've got it, somebody is worse off than you and wishes they had your life.

11. Clean something. Staying busy keeps your mind off your troubles and there is something very satisfying about having a clean, sparkling toilet.

12. Yoga.

13. Go to the park and swing. Swinging is fun. Bonus: especially when you can hog a swing from a small child : ) You are a grown up and don't have to take turns.

14. Smile. Chose to be happy. No matter what.

Pretty short list for now. Guess I need to work on my coping skills!

-Robyn


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Pretty Panties
"Mommy, why do you wear such pretty underwear? Nobody sees it!"

Thanks, kid.

-Robyn

- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Play-at-the-Pump
I was performing one of my least favorite chores tonight, filling up my car with gas.

I was the only person at the gas station. As I stood there waiting, a booming voice came over the loudspeaker: "Pump number 4 (that's me by the way), I think I love you". Hmmm....admiration from the gas station employees. I looked inside the gas station and saw two males just a waving away at me. So, I went over the the call button and pushed it. One of the attendants answered, and I said, "so, if you love me, why am I pumping my own gas?" The attendant paused and replied, "I wasn't prepared for that witty comeback, but I still think I love you".

I finished pumping my gas and thanked the attendants for making my day. I also took a moment of silence to thank God for pay-at-the-pump. Pretty will only get you so far, and it certainly doesn't get your gas pumped. Not even a free fountain drink or car wash.

-Robyn


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Our Schools - Providing a Disservice to Children!
Our schools are really providing a disservice to children.

I know this because my son, age 8 1/2, wants to be a rock star when he grows up.

I specifically remember a conversation I had with Wesley Hostler on the playground in 2nd grade. Wesley asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I answered an actor or a princess. Nevermind the chances for royal lineage were slim, Wesley simply replied, "you can't be an actor, you're a girl. You'd have to be an actress". So in the 25 or so years since I've been in the 2nd grade, nobody, nobody has gone to the trouble to educate children on the realities of grown-up jobs. They've taught our kids sex ed and diversity and environmentalism, but nobody has said when you grow up you will most likely NOT be a ballerina or an astronaut. Nobody is saying words like insurance, customer service, food service, assembly line, sales, actuary, call center.... Even worse, I'm sure they are not pointing out the fact that a great many of them will experience unemployment, downsizing and layoffs and preparing them for those seasons in their lives.

Now, I know the parents should have some responsibility. But I actually refuse to be the one to burst this bubble.

-Robyn



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
The Labelmaker
My dad writes his name on everything. His full name. Larry C. Riley. And not just his name. His name and the date. My dad even wrote his full name and the date on his broom in the garage. Apparently, even the thing he sweeps with needs to be labeled.

One day, I noticed he had written the date/name thing in his shoes. I had to ask him about that one. Apparently, you see, if he were to die in a plane crash, they would know who he was. I would think if you were in a plane crash, you might not end up with your shoes on, but o.k.

I would suppose though in this world where everything is so temporary and disposable, it would be nice to know how long you've had something, like your favorite pair of shoes. I had on this pair of shoes the other day. They are black satin kitten heeled mules with little flowers embroidered on them. I think I paid $7 for them. I was looking at these shoes and I decided I love them as much as it is possible to love a pair of shoes and that they are my favorite shoes. I wish I had written the date on them. At least I could have written the date I decided they were my favorites, but I didn't.

The other day, I was riding in the car and my son said "Great. Pa Pa wrote my name and the date on my light saber". Apparently, dad can't be controlled and his labeling extends to the personal property of others as well.

-Robyn



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Cute Shoes Cure the Blues
I have one pair of strappy black sandals I just love. They have really high heels, and I say the higher the heels, the better. I like to be very tall. Every time I wear them, somebody says "cute shoes". That just makes you feel good!

Today, I have on brand new flip flops. Black pattent bottoms, with clear straps on top. This morning, when I was in line at Starbucks (yes, I know, I spend a lotta time at Starbucks), this man behind me told me how cute my shoes were. He was either gay or totally feet flirting with me! Who cares, what a great way to start my day!

-Robyn





- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
The Search for Strawberry Soda, Part 4
Wow! I had a nice lunch date and it went great! He was really nice. No complaints whatsoever. He's a nice church boy too!

The only thing was....it didn't last very long. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. He did ask me to get together again though.

Oh well, I look really pretty today and I got my coffee for FREE at Starbucks this morning. Life is good.

-Robyn


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
The Search for Strawberry Soda, Part 3
At least someone finds me attractive...

My son, age 8, just got back from summer camp. Bless his heart, he was going to miss me so much, he had to take a picture of Mom with him. Not just any picture, but a 5x7 picture. In a frame.

The other day, we were swimming, and he mentioned to me that some kid at camp took my picture. I said "maybe I reminded him of his mom". My son said "no, he said he had a crush on you". I asked my son "how long did this kid have my picture"? My son said "practically the entire time we were at camp". Finally, my son said he told him...."gimme my mom back"!

Maybe he has a single dad....

-Robyn


- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Trucker Hat
I was standing in the que at Starbucks, waiting for my beverage. This guy in line next to me struck up a conversation. Said he was visiting from Kentucky. He asked me where he could go run and I gave him directions to the jogging trails at the lake.

Facial hair. Ugh. Trucker hat. And when I say Trucker Hat, I don't mean in a cool, trendy kind of way. I mean in a redneck kind of way.

After a few minutes of chit-chat, I wished him well on his visit. The Barista called my name and handed me my Caramel Macchiato and I headed out. I had to run by the Kinko's a couple of doors down from Starbucks.

Went to Kinko's, did my work and started to leave. Scary trucker hat man was right there at the door! He was smooth with the "fancy meeting you here" bit.... I told him I had to get to work and sped away as fast as I could! Ewwwww!

The next day at Starbucks, they told me a guy I had met at Kinko's had brought me a card and left it. I told them they could just put it in the trash! Guys....this is not the way to pick up a girl! Maybe this is how you STALK a girl, but this is not how to meet someone new!

-Robyn



- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 1 comments

 
The Search for Strawberry Soda, Part 2
I met a guy who goes to my church! A church boy! Yea for me!

We swapped e-mail addresses and instant messaged each other last night.

Sometimes the world is too small in a bad way. Turns out, his ex-girlfriend used to work for my boss. Once this common knowledge was exchanged, he could not get off the discussion of his ex-girlfriend. This went on and on and on.... I don't want to know about the ex-girlfriend. Hey buddy...I want to talk about me! I certainly don't want to talk about any of my former relationships. That only hinders my ability to forget about them, which is what I am trying to do! Finally, mercifully, he clued in on the fact that I wasn't interested in his ex-girlfriend. It's obvious he still has issues about her & the breakup. Let me share some "Jedi wisdom": let go of the anger before it destroys you. One great thing about God, sometimes he allows things, like relationships, to simply be OVER. Maybe God has freed you from the bondage of a bad relationship! One way to let go of the anger....stop talking about it! Let it go an move on, especially when you have just met someone fabulous!

Sometimes the world is too small in a good way. Because this morning, I could walk into my boss's office and get an unbiased opinion on this guy I had just met. My boss told me all I needed to know...

Ugh. So much for church boy.

-Robyn





- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
The Search for Strawberry Soda, Part 1
I met a guy Saturday night. Yea for me!

I didn't really want to hang with him, but once I found out he was a sheriff's Deputy....I felt kind of obligated. It's hard to brush off a guy who can potentially help you with your tickets (especially when you drive like me) or more importantly has the ability to cuff you and incarcerate you.

Let me paint the picture. Starbucks. Me: strapless Express sundress. Light blue, black pinstripes, flower embroidery. Laces up the back. Black 4 inch high heeled strappy sandals. I am feeling pretty good about me. Him: biker t-shirt, and get ready for this.....a camouflage ball cap. For those of you who don't know me...I have this thing about ball caps/manners. Especially ball caps in public places, most especially in restaurants and church. Take them off! It's bad manners! He also had a mustache. Gentlemen, facial hair is a bad thing. I conduct a relentless and daily hair removal process on about 90% of my body, you can shave your little face! Don't get me wrong...his appearance was fine. I'd just had to put him in a general category of "not my type". At this point, I'm not really sure what my type is, but he wasn't it. He had one thing going for him though...he drinks coffee!

We hung out for a while and chatted. Really, he chatted. I was held prisoner (but what can I say? The guy is used to dealing with a captive audience of inmates. He probably treats everyone this way!) and listened. Similar interest: Nascar. However, he likes driver Jeff Gordon. I like Dale Earnhardt Jr. For those of you who don't know anything about the sport, we might as well be from different planets.

He was kind enough to show me his three tattoos. One on his chest and two on his legs. Two of them involved skulls. Yes, he showed these to me right there in Starbucks, in front of God and the world. He told me how he'd made a promise to himself that he would get all the tattoos he wanted before age 35....two more years and lots of patches of skin left. I guess it is good to meet a guy with clear, defined goals.

He also said he had a dog who weighs 90 pounds. Said the dog is so sweet and has a heart of gold. So what! This is an animal who weighs approximately 20 lbs. (if you go by my driver's license) less than me. I'm not taking any chances!

I mainly sat in a chair, drank my water and felt my eyes glaze over as this guy went on and on and on about his job. It was interesting and all, but geez - every once in a while it's good to pause and let the other person talk. Ask a question. Take a breath. I found out this guy's entire life history, and I don't think he even learned the basic things about me - like what I do for a living, do I have kids, etc.

I did manage to mention I'm vegetarian. The guy looked at me like I was the biggest freak on the face of the earth. He said, "I've never met anyone who didn't eat meat". You could tell the concept of a meal that didn't include a slaughtered animal was genuinely shocking to him.

The good news. It's nice to know, at a time when I've been kind of down on myself, felt like maybe I wasn't good enough for anybody, there is hope. Hey - there are guys interested in talking to me. Even if they are only interested in talking about themselves!

-Robyn





- posted by rottenrobyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments