kim chi looks pale, has hair that smells like a stripper and is on the lookout for scary midgets
I got my hair streaked again this week. I had my brilliant hairdresser put more blonde in it and it just looks awesome. So I tell the poodle hater that I'm going to have pretty hair and he just HAS to take me out. So after my hair appointment, I go to pick him up (he has to take me out yet I am picking him up do you sense a problem already). He gets in the car, well first he makes me get out and get in the passenger seat because I drive like a crazy person, and he tells me...are you ready for this...

"You look pale."

Not your hair looks awesome. Not gee your hair smells terrific. Not you look pretty even though you worked an 8 hour day. But you look pale.

So then he takes me to a Korean restaurant. The restaurant was in a strip mall in a slightly seedy side of town. In the same strip mall was a business that sold caskets. Hmmmm. The restaurant had signs on the wall made out of construction paper. Aside from things on the menu like intestines a hair in a food dish, the meal was lovely. We had Kim Chi and I was pleasantly surprised. Caskets and wayward hairs aside, I would totally go again. Kim Chi is very cool and they bring out like 82 bowls of different things to your table and if you want more they bring you more.

Me Chinese, me play joke, me put crack in your food?
I have pretty much eaten asian food every day this week. Fortune Chinese restaurant on Sunday. Fortune Chinese restaurant on Monday. Can't remember what I did on Tuesday. Korean restaurant on Wednesday. PF Changs with Nate the Great on Thursday. Leftover PF Changs yesterday. Due to the complexity of my takeout order at the Fortune Chinese restaurant on Monday night (they had to call me back and ask questions) I'm quite certain I'm now on their "not allowed to order" list. Nate and I had the Great Wall of Chocolate at Changs, which, while not exactly asian, was delish.

I guess I looked moderately retarded with my chopsticks, because the waitress brought me a fork without my asking. I'm normally pretty good with the chopsticks.

I am slightly freaked out by one of the fortunes I received in one of my fortune cookies - it said that a short stranger would be entering my life. I told the guy who offices next to me to be on the lookout for midgets.

Stuff -
-My checkbook is balanced, like normal, to the penny. I am an absolute freak about it being to the penny. It is important to have balance in your life.
-I have not worn underwear for the better part of three days. If I wear pants, I probably don't have on panties.
-My skin is starting to look fantastic. I am so relieved. Yea for me.
-My nails look hideous. My house is a wreck. There is a giant pile of laundry. But, but but but but...hey I am a busy and important and powerful woman. I've got lots - TONS - goin' on. The checkbook is balanced and I filed my taxes and I worked about a bazillion hours this week and I have a boyfriend!
-I have friend at work. He gave me his phone number. I think it may even be a real number. And he has really pretty blue eyes and the loveliest, longest eyelashes. If I marry the poodle hater, he is going to be one of my brides-mates.
-And I get Nathan back tomorrow. Life. is. good.

-Robyn
- posted by Robyn @ 7:44 AM 1 comments

 
mad farmer liberation of cheese wearing a giant hiney harness
stuff you should know
-I am filing my taxes all by myself, just like a big girl.
-I went through the Rapido Rabbit carwash again. Disappointed to figure out the name is "Rapido Rabbit" and not "Robo Rabbit" as I previously thought. Still, the whole thing is robo-tronic, which is good and it's nice to be bilingual.
-Got a facial. Working on pretty skin. Yea for me!
-Cleaned out my closet. Having a major "trash attack" at the condo. I'm just at the point where I have way to much stuff and some of it's gotta go.
-Celebrated the Sabbath by painting my nails. The first color was not bright enough, so I took that off and kicked it up a notch. If you are going to celebrate, I say go all out.
-I am eating plain cheerios...what am I, a toddler?
-I watched the kite surfers at the lake. Total coolness. They have a sail that looks like a giant headband. It is doubtful I could do because 1. you apparently have to be a man? 2. you have to wear this huge butt harness that just makes your hiney look giant. Probably why you have to be a man because what woman wants her bum to look bigger. 3. I'm hugely un-coordinated.

The Cheese Stands Alone
I don't know why, but for weeks "The Farmer in the Dell" song has been stuck in my head. This whole thing started when I was thinking about the fact that no one wants to be alone and somehow this led me to the Farmer in the Dell and how no one wants to be the cheese. So literally this has been stuck in my thought process for weeks. make it stop Then.....bizarro! Nate tells me the other day...

"Mom the most HUMILIATING thing EVER happened to me today!"

"what sweetie?"

(insert very sad tone of voice here) "I had to be the cheese in Farmer in the Dell."

I told him not to worry. Mommy will always be right there and will be cheesy with you. I won't let you stand alone. What the heck....why is the cheese even dancing in this twisted little song?

Life can be fabulous, even when you are a big hunk of stinky, dancing cheese.

-Robyn...cheerio, not the cereal kind, but the British kind
- posted by Robyn @ 3:16 PM 0 comments

 
walking on rose petals and red carnations coming out of your bum
pity flowers
I got flowers from one of my employees for valentine’s day. It really was a lovely gesture. However, when I was thanking her for the blossoms, she couldn’t just stop with “you’re welcome”. She had to go on with “yes, I tried to get flowers for all of the single people who I thought would be alone on valentine’s day and don’t have anybody”.

But the really cool thing is the flowers contained two roses. Since they were starting to get wilty today, I sprinkled the rose petals all over the floor in my office. Since today is “what should I be today” day, I decided I should be one who walks (and rolls her chair on) rose petals.

I’m so proud of ME!
-Have survived week one with no polish. I don’t like the way my feet look but I’m glad I’m part of the Kingdom. I actually think I may come out of this whole experience with longer, stronger healthier nails. I guess it is just as well that I didn’t receive some sort of ring for valentine’s day as it probably would look better modeled on a polished finger anyway.
-I have done amazing things this week. 1. I went to the grocery store. 2. I bought groceries, even though people there annoyed me. 3. I made enchiladas and rice for me and Nate. 4. Last night, even though I didn’t have Nate I made dinner for myself (and it was good) 5. I have been making my coffee at home in the mornings. 6. My car is still clean, but a bird did poop on it. I guess that’s God’s little way of karma for me saying people are stupid and liking the robotic car wash.

Disclaimer: the following is in no way, shape or form a tirade about my former spouse. It is merely an amusing little story. Thank you.

We have a lovely week on/week off custody exchange. Apparently this means that I am the parent responsible for the 50% un-fun work, discipline and parental type things, and former spouse is responsible for all that is fun.

Last week, Nathan was given a massive homework assignment. Make a President McKinley paper doll, and read a 96-page book on President McKinley. So I get Nate back from Dad and it is the day before the assignment is due and none of it has been done. Must 1. read the book, 2. go to evil Wal-Mart and purchase supplies for paper doll, 3. take book to Kinkos to make photocopy of President’s head for doll 3. make doll, 4. other miscellaneous and sundry Mommy duties that you do every night….make sure people eat, bathe, have clothes to wear, etc.

So I call former spouse and was probably not very kind to him. I explained my unhappiness over the fact that none of this had been done the week before and how it’s not a good idea to teach small child to wait until the last minute, instead you should do a little bit at a time, etc. etc. Of course, nothing was ever the fault of former spouse. He explains to me that Nate did not make him aware of the assignment til one night at 9:30 and at that time it was too late. So, you see, not his fault! Nathan should have told him earlier! You mean he’s supposed to ask small child if small child has homework? Gasp! So Nate doesn’t tell him til late one evening, then the next night they went to a concert, then he let Nate go to a sleepover, then he let Nate go play at a friend’s house. Oh, did I mention not only had Nate not made any progression on his homework, but he was also completely exhausted?

Anyway, I digress. Back to the story, I called former spouse and asked “how do YOU suggest is the best way to handle reading a 96-page book and making a paper doll tonight?

“Uhhhhh, I dunno.”

“What time should we expect you to come over?”

So there you have it. I made former spouse come over and help. Oh, this is also coincidentally how I spent valentine’s day: 1. went to work, worked like a mad woman. 2. left work briefly to attend small child v-day party, 3. went back to work, 4. went to purchase paper doll supplies, 5. went to pick up child, 6. went home and cooked while child bathed and practiced guitar, 7. did dishes, 8. worked on paper doll til almost ten, (with former spouse in my house) 9. collapsed.

red carnations
One more thing about President McKinley. President McKinley became famous for wearing a red carnation is his buttonhole. Only Nate got confused and thought it was butt hole.

-Robyn
- posted by Robyn @ 6:07 PM 1 comments

 
girls just wanna have fun with the robots
Sigh. Hello stranger. Truth be known, just haven't felt like much of my life has been bloggeriffic lately.

Poodle Hater (How bout we call him Ph.D. for short? We can decide later what the "D" stands for.) took me to a musical last Thursday night. The "I Want My '80's" musical. It was really good. The songs were totally taken out of context. For instance, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" was used in a sad moment. And typical girl songs were sung by guys and vice-versa.

TOTALLY excited about the new Robo Rabbit carwash. Yet another automated thing in this world that keeps you from having to deal with stupid people. Except for the stupid person in front of me in the car wash line who couldn't figure out how to insert bills, push buttons, etc. Robots are good. People are stupid. However I did go to Robo Rabbit right after I went to Super Target. Mind you I went to Super Target because I hate Wal Mart and I find that most people who shop there are mildly retarded and also I do not wish to provide any further financial support to the big Wal Mart corporation. Heck if I know who owns Target though. They might be some evil bastages as well, but I don't care because whoever they are they've got to be the lesser of two evils.

I had a point here. Really. Anyways I went to the robotronic car wash after leaving the Super Target where people annoyed me and I found myself wanting to say over and over and over and over again would you please just move your ass. So after that experience it was robots - yes please and thank you!

I am in one of those "anywhere but here" moods today. The weather is abso-smurfly gorgeous, but I find myself wishing I could just get in the car (the clean car) and drive far, far away or get on a plane and go anywhere. But instead I guess I'll get up and go to work in the morning. Sleep. Repeat. Sigh.

Huge difference between boys and girls. You will never ever hear a man recite off all of the things they have eaten in a day, but that is what us girls do. Today I had for breakfast one valentine cookie. Then I had some tofu and some edamame and PITA chips which I made at home. I am quite sure that I am the only person in the greater metropolitan area who had this combination of food today. Sometimes I wish that I could just be normal and go eat a Big Mac and fries or something.

Day 4 of no nail polish. I had a manicure and pedicure yesterday, treated myself, but without the polish. I can't tell you how many times I had to tell the people NO POLISH. What am I dealing with here? Wal Mart shoppers? Anyways the whole no polish thing was just unbelievable to them.

It's later. I'm thinking the "D" stands for delicious, dandy, dy-no-mite, designless, desultory, who's my daddy, date night, dreamy, directionless and drifting and sometimes drives me crazy. In a good way. That's all for now.

-Robyn...pretty dandy myself I must say AND I have a clean car
- posted by Robyn @ 1:21 PM 0 comments

 
The Season of Lent, near-death experiences, a "Ranch" and no polish
Pastor/Poodle Hater/Professor Vertiginous/Rabbi/Boyfriend/Significant Other....
and I were discussing the season of Lent. I told him, and we'll just call him "him" for brevity, some of the things I had toyed giving up:

1. mexican food
2. coffee

I know, it's a long list, but it's not like I have a lotta vices.

"He" hit me where I live. He said that I should give up...and are you ready for this???...nail polish. On my fingernails, that's really not a biggie because sometimes I like the bare nails or go for a cleaner, clear, natural, professional, shiny, well-manicured look. However I cannot recall a time when I have not had colored polish on my toes. Or little painted designs. So this turned into a discussion where I asked things like would it be ok if I used clear polish, and "he" said things like Jesus died on the cross for you and you can't stop painting your toes for 40 days.

"He" also just got back from a ski trip. Apparently "he" had a near-death experience driving on an icy road down the side of a mountain. All I'll say is he should have way more near-death experiences, they seem to be quite good for our relationship.

A guy TOTALLY tried to pick me up at the Post Office today. Going to the Post Office is one of my most unfavorite things to do. One of my most unfavorite places in the whole wide world. Quick three things I despise: 1. putting gas in my car, 2. taking out the trash, 3. going to the Post Office. Oh, and 4. unpolished toes. Anyways, if you were ever going to approach me, try to pick me up, the Post Office is probably NOT the place. Anyway, he asked me my name. I told him Robyn R. He said my name is blah blah...whatever it was, his initials were also R.R. So his conclusion: (and he said this to me) we would be great together! He gave me his business card and said give me a call and let's go to lunch sometime. This guy was approximately, and mind you I'm not good at figuring out people's ages, but I am not kidding you he was about 67 years old. His card had a work phone, a fax and the phone number at his "Ranch". Hmmmm. It was somewhat sweet, but creepy. Mostly creepy.

Nate and I made valentine boxes last weekend. I had to cover a shoe-box for Nate to take to school to decorate. What fun is that? So we covered one for Mommy too, and Nate and I decorated it together. Then I took it to work and hung it outside of my office. Needless to say, I am the only person at the office with a valentine box. This brought many comments. Many people made the comment that we should all have valentine boxes. Then I had lots of other comments along the lines of "do you really expect valentines???". Of course I do! If you build it, they will come! What's funny is that I am probably one of the only people in the whole freakin' office who didn't hang up a Christmas stocking. So it was ok for all of them to think that Santa was going to come, but it is unreasonable for me to think that St. Valentine will visit me? And it has totally worked. So far I have received some candy, some more candy, a card, and a valentine pin. So ha!

Off to perform polish removal process...

-Robyn...xoxoxo

- posted by Robyn @ 7:57 PM 1 comments