Nick Nack Paddy Wack
Nice Church Boy has been hanging around quite a bit. He went to church with me last night, even though my Disneyland of a church freaks him out a bit. He must either a. really like me or b. now that he has been to church with me it's all over. He did make a tragic mistake though. He came over today and touched my Sunday paper. What was he thinking? There are very few things in this world that I find holy and sacred. The Sunday paper is one of them. I cannot stand for anyone to touch it before me.

Smoker boy #1 at my office got up the courage to ask me out to lunch. Smoker boy #1 and Smoker boy #2 realized it was unlikely I would ever be bringing them a cold beverage. I gave them my sob story about how I would like to, but I don't have a nice, cold fridge in my office. But apparently THEY do, so now I have turned the tables and they will no doubt be supplying me with beverages. Smoker boy#2 is actually married even though he flirts with me. Shame on him. Smoker boy #1 looks like he is about 25, so I am old enough to be his....well to be his older sister.

Stuff:
1. Crickets freak me out.
2. A ponytail is a genuine style, not a cop-out.
3. No bake cookies
a. made 'em.
b. tried to see how many it is possible for me to eat.
4. Starbucks at Barnes and Noble doesn't really seem like Starbucks. The beverages aren't as good. The workers are not baristas. When they filled up my water jug they used water from the sink. It is not the same.
5. Why are iced coffee drinks 10 cents more than regular drinks? What the freak is up with that?

As if they don't charge enough for a friggin' cup o' joe...
Starbucks to Boost Coffee Prices by 11 Cents
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
SEATTLE — Starbucks Corp. will raise its beverage prices by 11 cents a cup on average starting Oct. 6, the world's largest coffee-shop chain said Tuesday.

I should take my coffee money and start buying shares of stock in Starbucks instead.

My Christmas wish-list -
Neiman Marcus 'Christmas Book' Lists $10M Zeppelin, $16,000 Potato Heads
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
DALLAS — Baby Boomers, this Christmas season unleash your inner child and empty your bankbook with jewel-encrusted Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head toys at $16,000 a pair.
Retailer Neiman Marcus Tuesday rolled out its annual parade of seasonal excess and eccentricity in its Christmas Book, which is chock full of luxury gifts that harken to the childhood joys of years past.

That's all.

-Robyn...give the dog a bone

- posted by Robyn @ 7:45 AM 0 comments

 
Green Party is lookin' mighty fine
Yet another reason to not vote...

Jackson Joins Kerry Campaign As Adviser

Wed Sep 29,11:04 AM ET Politics - AP

WASHINGTON - Civil rights activist Jesse Jackson joined the campaign of Sen. John Kerry (news - web sites) on Wednesday as a poll showed support for the presidential candidate slipping among black Americans, a critical Democratic constituency...


- posted by Robyn @ 6:41 PM 1 comments

 
clippin' recipes

DTR

This is guy-speak for "defining the relationship". It is apparently not a good thing, not something that boys like to do. I have my own three letters about relationships: BDR, girl-speak for "big diamond ring". Te he he.

I got yet another article on why diamonds are bad:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/040903.html

to quote from the article:
"(diamond) prices are kept high by a cynical cartel that preys on vanity and stupidity"

Uhhhh...what's wrong with bein vain and stupid? What's wrong with liking pretty, shiny, sparkly things? This makes me 1. Feel bad. I'm genuinely sorry for the poor diamond workers and 2.Want to pout and stomp my feet and say "that's nottttt faaaaaair! Everybody elllllllse has a diamond, whyyyyyyy can't I???"

What about James Avery? Can I have something from James Avery?
http://www.jamesavery.com/index.jsp
Or is that morally wrong too? Are there also poor exploited silver workers in the world? Why doesn't somebody send me an article about that? I'm just one girl in the world and I already don't eat cows or pigs or chickens or vote for W. Must I be personally responsible for the diamond workers too?

or what about a replica of the ring Ben Affleck gave J Lo?
http://store.evesaddiction.com/rgz10066.html

But if anyone really knew me...
they would know that maybe, just maybe I just don't want to be like anybody else and yes everybody else does have a diamond.

be the bear

I’m just so sleepy today. I usually do fine without much sleep, but then I guess it finally catches up with me and I want to go into hibernation. Saturday morning I fully intend to see exactly how long it is possible for me to sleep. The sleep of the dead. That means I will wake up wide-eyed before Starbucks even opens. Anyways, plan to sleep and then watch Saturday morning cartoons. Oooo and maybe breakfast at Jimmy's Egg even though my body tends to reject food before 1 p.m.

Denise

Smoker boys outside my office finally worked up the courage to start speaking to me. They have realized that not only am I beautiful, but approachable and nice and conversational. They had apparently been discussing what they thought my name was. They came to the conclusion it was “Denise”.

I don’t know if it’s good, bad, indifferent that they thought my name was Denise. My uncle was married to a woman named Denise once, we called her “Aunt Flannel Shirt”. She had a teeny tiny tattoo of a very simple cross on her pinky. I really liked her. Note: Aunt Denise had a heart-shaped diamond ring. Me and all my makeup and girly-girlness liked my lesbian of an aunt. Then Aunt Flannel Shirt decided she would rather be with a woman than a man. I guess that’s no shocker given the nickname “Aunt Flannel Shirt”. It’s not like we were surprised. And my uncle decided he’d rather be married to a 400 lb. black Mormon lady he met on the internet who filled one whole room of his house with canned goods. My uncle and Aunt Flannel Shirt had about a half dozen chiuahuahs they had to divide up custody of….. I wish I was making this stuff up. After the black Mormon, my uncle married someone who was half his age and I believe mildly retarded.

Also have an “Uncle Charlie Manson” and a former uncle who’s name was Joe Fomo. Not a nickname, but does have a certain serial-killer ring to it.

cartoons & recipes

I am the world’s worst at cutting out, clipping cartoons and recipes. When my great uncle passed away in 1995, my dad was executor of the estate and I helped clean out his house. His wife, Hazel, had kept recipe upon recipe upon recipe. Every drawer, cubby, etc. you explored in the kitchen, there was another recipe or 10 or 100 tucked away. I remember thinking how nutty that was. That really made an impression upon me, but every week when the damn food section is in the newspaper, there I am with the scissors. And I think of my Aunt Hazel every single time. But they also kept every single phone book they’d ever gotten in their attic, I’m not quite that bad. I don’t have an attic. If I did, I’d probably use it to store more shoes. Please don't tell me there are impoverished, abused shoe workers. I don't want to know.

-Robyn…where is my mascara?



- posted by Robyn @ 1:00 AM 1 comments

 
read a banned book

read a banned book!

http://www.ala.org/ala/oif/bannedbooksweek/bbwlinks/100mostfrequently.htm

I checked out "Song of Solomon" by Tony Morrison at the library last night.



- posted by Robyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
do the dew

clever pick-up lines

Have had two gentlemen try to approach me with the same clever line in the past two days.

There are two guys who stand right outside of my office and smoke pretty much once an hour. Chances are if I step foot outside of my office I will have an encounter with them. Yesterday I was walking to the mailbox for the 4:17 pickup (yes it is exactly 4:17 p.m.) and decided to get my large Sprite with lotsa ice on the way back. So I'm walking back to my office and one of the guys says:
"Uh, you didn't get us anything to drink?"

Clever.

This morning I am walking into my office with my Starbucks cup. Shocker. One of the many construction workers in my building gets the door for me and says:
"Uh, you didn't bring me any coffee?"

Clever.

At least he held the door for me. The smokers of the previous day didn't jump up and get the door. Score one for construction worker!

Hold on, maybe they weren't thinking of something devilishly clever to say to me. Maybe they genuinely had some sort of expectation I would bring them a beverage.

clever former spouse

My former spouse brought our child to my house on Sunday afternoon. I was in my kitchen cooking. My former spouse stood at the entrance to my kitchen and made the following remark, with much humor intended:
"what are you doing there in front of that big white box (stove) gee I've never seen you do that"
guffaw guffaw guffaw

Needless to say I did not find the comment the least bit humorous. Cooking is not a laughing matter. Yes I did cook when I was married. And I'm sorry that I couldn't meet your expectation of cooking and raising your child and working a full-time job and doing all your laundry and and and and and...

I digress.

Anywho, last night, former spouse brought Nate home. I was cooking. Former spouse left. Nathan came into the kitchen and said "what are you doing there in front of that big white box (stove) gee I've never seen you do that."
Comment even less funny when you hear it from the mini-me version of former spouse.

So I made fettucine alfredo. Yum. Nathan decided it was a wonderful flavor combination if he took a bite, and then took a drink of Mountain Dew. He kept trying to get me to try it. Note: people trying to get me to "here you've gotta try this have a bite just taste this" is one of my biggest pet peeves. I finally said "Nathan, I don't like Mountain Dew. Stop asking me." To which Nathan replied, "Mom, if you don't like Mountain Dew, why do you keep buying it?" That, my dear, is an excellent question.

-Robyn....uhhhh, no, I didn't get you anything to drink, especially a Mountain Dew










- posted by Robyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Say my name, say my name when no one is around you...

up-date

Date Saturday night. Good. I got to eat at the Sushi place. Yea for me!
http://www.sushineko.com/

I have a lovely picture of me and the black dress. But the guy in the pic too and we must protect his identity. Sorry. You will just have to take my word that I was very, very pretty.

this is April

Follow up encounter with the gentleman on Sunday. I made enchiladas. He introduced me to another couple we were having dinner with... he introduced me as "April". Oops. Bad.

You can flub up on a lot of things but my name probably shouldn't be one of them. Am I being unreasonable here? After all, I cooked enchiladas! And salad and rice and dessert. A complete, well-balance meal. Hellloooooo!

drugs please

Bikini wax. The worst pain known to man. Bad. Very, very bad. I keep thinking that after a few ripping off of the hairs with the boiling hot fiery molten wax that your nether regions would become numb to the pain but they don't.

reflexology

Just random stuff here. I had this friend who was married for a long time, almost ten years. She divorced and started dating. She was pretty new into a relationship and was on the phone with her "boyfriend". The end of the conversation came and she said "Bye, I love you". Mainly out of reflex more than anything else. They hung up and she realized what she had done and that was followed by moments of intense panic, did he hear me should I call him back should I say something should I just let it go? She was mortified. Anyways, after you've been in a relationship for so long I suppose doing this sort of thing is reflex, more of an automatic mechanism than anything else. Saying "I Love You" has nothing to do with meaning it.

movie pass

I have the wonderful movie pass from Blockbuster. I can rent all the movies I want, keep them for as long as I want for the low, low price of $14.99 a month. This basically means that I pay $14.99 a month to rent movies, put them in my car, drive them over to a friend's house. Not watch them there. Drive the movies back home. Walk the movies upstairs. Take said movies back to Blockbuster, unwatched. Even if I did attempt to watch at this point it's unlikely I know how to work my three remotes, tele and dvd player. Especially if my son is not around. I'm not sure why I pay $14.99/month to drive Blockbuster movies around in the car, but at least the evil minions at Blockbuster are no longer charging me "late fees".

One more movie related note. Made my son watch "The Titanic" with me this weekend. We were going to watch something and I got to pick. I happen to have this movie in my small collection. I got about half a dozen movies in the dissolution of marriage, obviously the really bad ones my former spouse cared nothing about. Anyways, Nathan did not want to watch the movie but he was riveted. Completely fascinated. Asked about a million questions. It's a two movie set and I just always watch the first half of the movie. The first half is a really good movie . Lots of fun til people start falling off the boat. Then it takes an ugly turn. So that's when we turn it off.

Carrie Sue

Sick of all things political. Changing political party.
http://www.votecarrie.org/

Just a note...my mom was actually going to name me "Carrie Sue". Thankfully, one of her friends had a baby before her and stole her name. Bitch. Well, actually stole my name. I should really send a thank you card.

miraculous

1. I was on time for church yesterday. Wow. I had no idea they sang 4 songs. For all I knew, I might as well have gone to a Church of Christ.
2. I cooked. Cooking involves a lot of hard work....aside from the cooking you have to do things like go to the store and do dishes and clean up. What a frickin' pain in the rear.
3. Saturday I made my own coffee at home.
4. I slept.

-April

countdown: 24 days til the Greek Festival. Opa! Baklava!
http://www.saintgeorgeokc.org/festival.html






- posted by Robyn @ 1:00 AM 1 comments

 
dehydrated crack-er addict with no power windows but my uterus is in the right place

Goodbye 2004 Red Chevy Aveo

My car is fixed. Turned the rent car back in this morning. It's a good thing too, me and that rent car were developing a certain kind of closeness that I needed to nip in the bud. I'll treasure the good times we shared.

It's weird how driving another vehicle for just 5 minutes can totally screw you up on your own car though. Where are the wipers? The lights? Huh? And don't EVEN get me started on trying to figure out what car I am looking for in a parking lot. I went to the drive through at the bank and was shocked to find out I no longer had power windows. I will miss this clever little compartment in the Aveo that was just the right size for my cell phone. In the absence of surgical implantation for my cell phone, this seemed to be the next best place.

Hertz asked me if I wanted a driver to take me back to the car shop. Yes please! Much to the delight of the all male staff at the Hertz rent-a-car I requested not just ANY driver but a cute and single driver who would stop the crazy train at Starbucks. Sometimes it is very, very good to be a demanding customer. And hey...I had filled up the tank and adjusted the stereo for optimum sound quality, why SHOULDN'T they accommodate me? One more thing about my car...totally worth it to have gotten into an accident as the auto body shop vacuumed my car. I spend absolutely no time on vehicle care/cleanliness,etc. so this was a nice bonus.

Giant Goldfish Crackers

Got some of these HUGE goldfish crackers. Note the use of the word "crack" in "crackers". This is due to their addictive qualities. Besides, eating the huge ones is WAY more satisfying than shoving a whole handful of small ones into your pie-hole at once. Probably more ladylike too.

thirsty

I have a water jug I carry around with me and for the past couple of days I can't for the life of me keep up with it. Geez, glad it's not something important like my purse or wallet. In my advancing dementia that stuff will be next. Just my source of hydration for now. Anyway, I carry this bottle around with me and try to drink a lotta water and it just ain't been happening. Guess it's a good thing I'm not responsible for say carrying around a baby's bottle if I can't keep up with my own bottle. Thankfully, for his sake, my child is now able to fend for himself.

Lately it just seems like I have been worrying about irrational things. What if this, what if that. Here's a for instance for you. My car was in the shop and I was worrying that it was going to cost more than I had planned on to get it fixed. But the thing is...some other lady hit me and her insurance was paying for the whole deal. Huh? WHY am I worrying about this??? Anyway, I guess I write this just to get it out of my system and to remind myself how pointless this is. I think that is probably one of the biggest differences between being single and married. When you are married, when it comes to money, bottom line, it just feels better monetary wise to not be alone. I think even if the other person doesn't contribute financially. When you are alone then you truly feel like the responsibility is completely upon you, well, because it is. Nobody to help out.

Had my annual exam this week. OK, I know this is rather personal to share, but I just cannot believe what I had to have done to my body and the fact that I had to pay somebody to do it to me.

-Robyn...my sock monkey can kick your sock monkey's ever-livin' ass



- posted by Robyn @ 12:43 AM 0 comments

 
hours of entertainment...
random web sites -

http://www.uglydress.com

http://kyndal.blogspot.com/
my friend Kyndal's blog

http://www.myirony.com/
my cousin Chance's blog

http://www.americancatholic.org/Features/SaintofDay/



- posted by Robyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
in the name of all that is holy and good...
I'm back! I know how exciting it must be for you, to be able to read my blog after days and days....wondering, hoping, praying, wishing, sky-writing...

I did write one post last week, and I accidentally made it disappear from the computer. That's what happens at 1 in the morning. It was dreadful though, so it's just as well. It sounded like a 7th grader wrote it. I know what you're thinking, doesn't all this jibber-jabber sound like a 7th grader wrote it?

I don't know what to say. I'm really happy right now, and I think that I'm a much better writer when I'm sorta tortured and anguished. Sorry. But yea for me.

Great weekend. Let's sum things up, shall we.....

1. Fall issue of Vogue! Yes! 882 slick magazine pages of sheer bliss .
2. Fall issue of Vogue, combined with pedicure massage chair, toffee bar and Venti-nonfat-light ice-Sugar Free Vanilla-Caramel Macchiato.
3. Teds Escondido Mexican restaurant times two! Yes! On the down side though, now am feeling horribly fat since I have actually eaten. Not only did I eat, but I somehow always feel compelled to eat my weight in tortilla chips. They really should cut you off, you know. Say no more for you lady! Another downside to being happy...I actually eat. So it appears when I am tortured and anguished not only am I a better writer, I'm thinner.
4. Shopping. I got a poncho! I got a poncho! I GOT A PONCHO! It's black and it's just beautiful.
5. Made guacamole. I cooked! I swear I probably gained 10 lbs this weekend. Even if the vanilla syrup in my caramel macchiato was sugar-free.
6. Convertible ride.

Shabbat Shalom

I went to Shabbat service at the Jewish Temple Friday night. I had never been to the Temple before but I was glad to finally have the opportunity. Every time I've every driven by the place I've always wondered what it looked like inside and what the service was like so I've always wanted to go. It was nice to be invited. I'm weird like that - driving by churches, wondering what they are like. That's what made me actually want to go to the church I regularly attend. I kept driving by it and was fascinated about the outside look of it and wanted to see the inside. It's not any more spiritually deep than that. How superficial am I.

Back to Temple, I was fascinated when they got the Torah out of the secret cubby. It takes two guys...the Rabbi opened the cubby and this whole other dude had to hold the Torah. It was very big and heavy looking and I was afraid for him that he might drop it. The congregation we visited was very warm and welcome and they invited us to punch and cookies after service. As opposed to attending the catholic church for years and years and no one ever giving a rats ass if you were there or not. Overall the Temple was a very good experience even if the old fashioned movie theatre pew type chairs weren't very comfortable. I'd totally go back so call me if you want to go to Temple. Friday night baby.

So in the past week I have been to: the non-denom church x 2, the Nazarene church, the Nazarene church potluck, and the Temple and cookies and Punch in the Temple afterwards. I also went to a Methodist wedding. And there was one constant, universal theme amongst all these worship experiences I want to emphasize to you. No matter which church I went to, I looked fabulous. And there was only one of these church experiences which involved stealing but I will save this info for a trip to the catholic church where I can attend confession.

Major subject change.

Several years ago I decided that I wanted to learn to crochet. Millions of elderly women can do this, but I become mildly retarded when I pick up some yarn and a crochet needle. I recently became obsessed with this again, as I do every fall/winter, when I decide I want to make everyone I know an ugly scarf for Christmas. So I was back on the crochet kick again, and a friend observed that it was painful to watch me do it. I agree, and I am never going to try again. I'm giving it up. Freeing myself from the pain and bondage. I shall go to The Gap and buy a scarf like a normal, sane person.

Bumper sticker seen last week. It's still haunting me, so I have to write about it. "I think, therefore I am pro-life". Well duh! Of course you are! People who think first seldom get accidentally knocked up! This bumper sticker irritated me to no end, so needless to say, this car was in front of me seemingly forever. On other side of vehicle: "I heart babies. Born and Unborn". I can't hardly argue about this one. I heart babies too. But I heart lots of things. Too numerous to list on bumper. I heart babies, but I generally prefer ones that are born and have been cleaned up a bit and smell like baby magic and are approximately 4 months old and just woke up from their nap and are giggly.

OK, spinning off political here. The whole pro-life/pro-choice thing irritates me because we have put this into two broad extreme categories. The pro-lifers seem like crazy christian types who would make me not ever want to step foot in a church, and the pro-choicers are extreme in their own it's your body it's your choice nobody tells us what to do way. Neither of these options seem good to me. Gotta be something else people.

-Robyn...did I mention I GOT A PONCHO!



- posted by Robyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Are diamonds a girl's best friend? How the hell would I know?
Ladies and gentlemen, I am on a roll today...

A friend of mine sent me this link:
http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/data/2002/03/01/html/ft_20020301.1.html

Apparently it's bad to have a diamond because of the diamond diggers in Sierra Leone. The villagers are tortured for diamonds which are in turn sold by organizations like al Qaeda.

I must take a stand. So even though I know there are those of you, perhaps dozens, clamoring to be the one to get down on one knee with the turquoise blue box from Tiffany & Co., I cannot accept your big, princess cut diamond ring. Or, for that matter, your tainted proposal if you think the only way I will accept it is accompanied by said princess-cut diamond in a platinum setting.

This is very funny to me because I am perhaps the one person in my circle whom the diamond ring escapes. Well, I do have my Grandma's. But that's not really the same. I'm sure my Grandfather wasn't aware of the plight of the diamond diggers. And it's not like any man has ever said to me "Hey, I care about you so much, I want a diamond digger in Sierra Leone to face a life of torture". Or it's not like I've even gotten some sort of certificate that says "A donation has been made in your name to a diamond digger in Sierra Leone, please accept this certificate in lieu of a receiving a blood diamond". Sigh.

Like at this point I have any hope, hope the size of a diamond chip, left. Why would I hold out any hope that anyone wants to give me the diamond and the promise that goes along with it? Me and my $3 cups of coffee and my $100 highlights and my always messy car and my long skinny fingers and my big zit and my pretty toenails and and and...

I did have a diamond ring once, and it was a big diamond - marquis with baguettes - but I traded it in for the shiny red sports car. My dad said if I gave the ring back he'd buy me a car and I did and he did. So I did not keep the "blood" diamonds of the Sierra Leone people, AND I benefited the United Auto Workers Union 257. Plus I saved one guy the tortured existence and sheer agony of being a guy in my life.

Seriously, I do feel bad about the diamond diggers.

Why I hate Wal Mart - one of about 75 reasons

OK, went to the Small-Mart (Wal Mart Grocery Store). Here is exactly what I bought: pancake mix, eggs, fat-free milk, coffee and children's Tylenol. I mention the milk is fat-free, because I'm thinking it's got to weigh less than regular milk. They put my groceries in 4 plastic sacks. This drives me insane, especially since I have to schlep the stuff all the way upstairs. I feel particularly bad about this since there are probably impoverished plastic sack makers in Sierra Leone as well and I am a bad person because the evil bastards at Wal Mart put my 5 items into 4 sacks. Geeez.....glad I didn't actually buy a cart-load of groceries. I'm really not familiar with this whole "grocery shopping" experience, but how do people carry 75 sacks into their home and individually unwrap each item? It's just like the damn pantyliners, all over again.

The Elves are gone

The evil Keebler E.L. Fudge double stuff cookies are gone. Finally. Ding dong the elves are gone, the wicked elves are gone gone gone! I just ate the last two because I needed them to be all gone. Some people don't believe in elves but I totally do. They were haunting me from the fridge, saying "eat me", "eat me". This is why I don't buy cookies. That and the fact that Wal Mart feels the need to individually gift wrap each grocery item I purchase.

8 years later, still having post-partum depression

My son had surgery today. He is so big that they could not put him in a little kid gown. They had to get an adult gown. With the oversize gown and the whole rock-star hair thing he has going on, he looked like one of the disciples. When they came in and put that shower cap thing over his hair, he just looked so pathetic. Then they wheeled him away to surgery. This is one of the worst parental feelings I have experienced. He's had the surgery thing before, and granted it is much easier to explain to an 8 year old why you can't eat and drink after midnight, than it is to explain to a 4 month old you are nursing. Makes my boobs hurt just thinking about it.

Former spouse came. He was as helpful today as, well, as he was during the tenure of our marriage. And we are extremely grateful for the contribution he is able to make. That's all I'll say about that.

Anyways, alls well that ends well, and Nate is milking surgery for all it's worth. So far he's gotten a pizza, a large Sprite from Sonic, a Van Halen CD and the new Scooby Doo movie on DVD. He asked me what I was buying for him, apparently my paying his co-payment was not enough.

And no worry about going on "Fear Factor" if we can't even down a teaspoon of bubble-gum flavored Tylenol.

Hertz hurts

I got ran into two weeks ago and my car is in the shop. Tried to take the car into the shop yesterday, but Hertz didn't have a rent car for me. Apparently EVERY SINGLE CAR in the greater Oklahoma City area was rented indefinitely. It was touch and go there for a while, but they did manage to round up a car for me today. And when I went to pick it up, they made this big deal over how I was getting the only available car in the city. Yes, me. You had no idea what a powerful woman I am. Whatever. It's red and it has a CD player, so I'm a happy girl. Power windows too. Woo-hoo! Also when I went to pick it up, the Hertz rental car computer system was apparently a giant mystery to the Hertz employee. When he got everything entered into the 'system', it was charging me $1.60 for my insurance-provided rental car. Then they tried to 'fix' it and the system was then trying to pay me $1.60 each day for driving the rental car.

What I have eaten today

It is too numeous and too shameful to list. It was all downhill after the elf cookies.

I've had one. busy. day.

-Robyn....driving my upgraded rental car with 82 grocery sacks but no diamond on my hand and getting a big 'ol fat ass...

- posted by Robyn @ 2:06 PM 0 comments

 
I'm secure with my masculinity Mom!!!
What I wore today:

• Navy blue pinstripe pencil skirt
• White blouse
• Black high heels. Close toed. This is a rarity for me. Why would I wear shoes that don't show my pretty toes, unless there is snow on the ground? Even then, when would I wear shoes that don't show my pretty toes? At least I knew there was a french-pedi underneath.
• Pantyhose. Ugh.

This outfit was appropriate for:
a. a job interview
b. a funeral
c. a trip to the Nazarene church

Since I accessorized with a bible, I'll let you guess what the right answer is.

Resisting......urge...... to......describe.....what.....I..... wore...... underneath..... conservative...... outfit. Especially for you, Fej.

PRODUCT TESTIMONIALS

OK, I have the biggest zit of all time. So I decided to try out one of those clever patches. It's all well and good until you have to remove the darn thing the next morning, and you rip off several layers of your skin. Not sure what good that does, especially if you are planning to actually leave your house and appear in public that day. OK, now that I've explained all this, there will be no surprise about this next product. These two products go hand-in-hand...

I bought new pantyliners. You know these things cost like $1.00 a box. Not an expensive item. The outer box is wrapped in plastic. Take that off. Break into the box and the pantyliners are wrapped in tissue paper and sealed with a gold sticker. By this time I'm very excited because I've actually forgotten what this is I'm opening. Oh, yeah, pantyliners. Then each individual pantyliner is individually
wrapped. So I'm thinking with all this wrapping that the pantyliners must have actually cost about .02 cents and the rest is packaging and mark-up.

I've been to two church pot-lucks the past two weeks. I like these...I like the socialization. But I have issues about food. It's no offense to you, but if I haven't personally been to your house to know that you don't have 27 cats climbing all around, I don't want to eat it. It's not about you, it's about me. They are still fun though.

Dragged out the bucket full of Barbie clothes from my little-girl days. Got it out for a friend's daughters to play with. Turns out the biggest fan of this is my son. Now the little girls are no where around, and Nate is in the living room with the big bucket of Barbie clothes. Hey, he's secure with his masculinity.

-Robyn...on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm at about 8.5



- posted by Robyn @ 5:38 PM 1 comments

 
cursed, pretty panties & lucky tidy whities
Oy. Got slightly prettied up for a "date". Not full blown pretty. Just a change in the wardrobe and a freshening up of the makeup. Fingernails pretty too. Turns out maybe I shoulda stayed home and just read my bible instead. Oy again.

My son told me once a year or so ago that he had "lucky underpants". Oh, the things kids come up with. How he made this determination, what distinguished one pair of tidy whities from another, I will NEVER know. Or for that matter how he knew which pair was the lucky pair. Maybe he thinks all of his underwear is lucky, and that's why it's so blissful to be a kid. I am completely convinced I have not one single pair of lucky underpanties, but I know of at least one unlucky pair. And I wore them yesterday. I specifically recall the last two times I wore them I was not pleased with the outcome of my day. Since I have like 80 or so pairs of panties, I guess I should take them out of circulation, regardless of how pretty they are.

Oy. I love that word. I could so be Jewish. Just what Oklahoma needs, another single, Jewish girl. Except for the fact that I've got those piercings. Is their forgiveness in the Jewish faith for piercings if you let them grow back in? I've never gotten a tattoo, so I'm not completely a lost soul. Can you be Jewish and have a surname like "Riley"? Don't you think Jesus looks, as he is most often portrayed, like the type of guy who would have worn an earring, you know, back in 1987?

I'm all over that Kosher thing. No meat in the same bowl with anything else. The whole no yeast thing. No meat with cheese. No pork. Let's kill the animals differently. Damn, all this talk about food is making me hungry. I don't even know what a matzoh ball is, and yet it really sounds good right now.

Oh - one more thing. Two movies start this weekend - "Cellular" and "Resident Evil". Both of these movies look unbelievably bad and completely corny. So I only have one thing to say. Double feature.

-Robyn...machen a tzimmis (yep, go look it up)

- posted by Robyn @ 1:00 AM 1 comments

 
I don't care if it comes with a tiara...

prince & princess

BANDAR SERI BEGAWAN, Brunei - The future king of the oil-rich sultanate of Brunei married a 17-year-old half-Swiss commoner Thursday at a wedding attended by royalty and dignitaries from around the world...

OK, I don't care how much money the dude has. Look at what they made this poor girl wear!!!
Lotsa money....check, I get to be a princess....check, must walk 10 steps behind you at all times...check, you want me to wear this ugly blue material that matches your suit? Uhhhh, no thank you! Plus you shoulda seen her bridesmaids....bunch of the oldest, wrinkliest ladies I've ever seen. Not exactly maiden-like. Guess that's all the prince had to pick from - old raisin ladies or adolescents.

They reported the bride was more than an hour late. This I can respect. Always important to make an entrance. No doubt she was thrashing about in a palace room, begging for something else to wear or perhaps demanding freedom from the bondage of being a child bride. Even in Utah where they marry 'em off young, they don't make you wear this crap.

-Robyn...ok, secretly wish I was a Princess Bride

- posted by Robyn @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

 
hot fresh donuts & bubble wrap euphoria
We had a cat for exactly 2 days this past February. My son had a horrible allergic reaction, so the cat had to go back to the animal sanctuary. : ( The cat's name was Itty Bitty. Now, we have a dog - Okie Dokie. No, I did not give either of these animals their devilishly clever two-word names.

I promise I'm getting to a point here....my dad came over to deliver Krispy Kreme donuts Saturday morning. Yum. The ones with chocolate icing. One of the many reasons it's great to have a kid. Donut delivery service! This has been going on since my son turned one year old. I'm watching my dad walk out the front door and he says to Okie Dokie "bye Itty Bitty". So my dad can remember the cat's name I had for 2 days, but can't remember the dog's name I've had for several months now. My dad's funny like that........he used to always call Bennigan's restaurant McMulligans. We've eaten at Hideaway Pizza about a million times and he can't ever remember the name of the place.

They are doing construction in the office building where I work. They put this plastic runner on the carpet down the hallway. I guess they decided that wasn’t good enough, so they took this giant plastic sticky stuff, and put it over the already in-place runner. This created a wonderful effect. There are air bubbles between the two pieces of plastic, so everytime you walk down the hall, it’s like walking on a giant sheet of bubble wrap. I intentionally walk in such a way that I get to step on as many of the air bubbles as possible. The construction workers look at me as though I am deranged. I don’t care what they think about my walking-on-bubble-wrap euphoria.

Speaking of euphoria I got to jump in a moon-bounce last night. Total fun. I swear I am getting one of these for my next birthday party.

I ate in the school cafeteria today with my son. Cheese pizza day. That's good, you know, cuz these kids just don't get enough pizza in their lives. So I'm going through the line and two of the cafeteria workers point out to me that there's a salad bar in the cafeteria! Woo hoo! So I get my cheese pizza and my two orange slices and my grape juice. Cafeteria worker lady tried to get me to drink milk. No way!

So I excitedly went to the 'salad bar'. It was a bowl of lettuce (frozen) and some italian dressing and a bowl of apple slices. Gee, I wonder why it's so hard to get our kids excited about things like salad and vegetables????? Score on the apple slices! But I ended up giving those to Nathan.

They had corn too. I passed on the corn. Canned corn is ick. So in all the years since which have passed since I went to elementary school, they are still having the same lunch menu on pizza day - pizza, corn, salad...except they no longer have the delightful chocolate brownie which was the best part. The kids in the cafeteria, well they seemed fine with the days choices, but they just don't know what it was like.

Two of the girl at my table asked if they could go get MORE salad and MORE corn. The lunch lady told them NO! I'm thinking the kids are asking for CORN and SALAD here. This is one of those things that should be encouraged. Eat all the salad and corn you want for cryin' out loud! And go to the library and check out another book while you're at it!

I have not been to the movies since August 9. That's got to be some sort of record for me. Hmmmm- where has the time gone? Anywho, that's all for now.

-Robyn...lunch lady

- posted by Robyn @ 7:23 AM 0 comments

 
Mom v. the Strong Willed Chilled, episode 8567
I would be remiss if I did not point out to the world that TODAY, yes TODAY is the day is the day I won a battle with an 8 year old. We shall record it for all of history, here in blog-land.

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon. We come home after church and a trip to Target. Not sure what it is about the time either before or after Sunday service that makes family interactions so difficult. But it does.

Anywho, I tell Nate to practice his guitar. 30 minutes. I remember the EXACT moment. It was 3:58 p.m. I told him he would be done at 4:28 p.m. He replied, "Buuuutttttt Mommmmmmmmm! You only make me practice for 20 minutes!" Whatever!

Then he said "I'LL be through at 4:18 p.m."

To which I replied "OK, 4:35"

"Buuuuuuuuttttt Mommmmmmmmm!"

"OK, 4:40!"

"Buuuuuuuuttttt Mommmmmmmmmmmm!"

"OK, 4:45!"

So by know no doubt you have recognized a pattern. This went on until it was going to be over an hour. Nathan finally started to practice but was unable to stop mouthing off. Then he told me "his finger hurt". I told him to take his guitar off, and go to his bed. I was ever so calm about this.

He goes up stairs. STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! all the way up. So I very calmly said "Nathan, please come downstairs". I'm sure he thought he'd won and he came downstairs all smug. That's when I told him "you may go upstairs the right way, no stomping!"

So, I sent the kid off to time out, but was the time out really for him or more for me? I unloaded the dishwasher and took deep breaths in and out.

I finally told him that, if he could come downstairs and practice his guitar for 30 minutes, he was welcome to come back downstairs. He came downstairs and started to practice. My mother called, because we were going over there to eat ice cream. She asked to speak to Nathan and I told him he could speak with her ever so briefly because he was practicing. So then he asked me what ever so briefly meant and I said speak to your grandmother quickly.

I swear to God, he gets on the phone and tells Grandma I sent him to time out because he had a sore finger and couldn't practice the guitar.

You have never seen a phone yanked away from a child so quickly. I explained to him (with Grandma listening) that if he didn't know why was he was in time out, he should go back and spend some time contemplating his offense.

Back to time out. A while later, again, told him he could come downstairs if he could practice his guitar for 30 minutes.

He comes downstairs and starts to practice.

I swear to God, I walk past him and the kid is wearing a sign around his neck that says
"don't talk to me!"

I had to walk out on my patio because I was laughing so hard. Tears were streaming down my face. Then I went into my bedroom and fashioned my own sign, which said
"I'm not talking to you!"

And I waited.

Sure enough, after a few minutes, he started talking to me.
"Mom!" "Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"
"Mom, why are you ignoring me???"

He finally caught on to the fact I had a sign around my neck. He read it, and immediately removed the sign from his neck. Then, about an hour and a half after we started guitar practice, he practiced his guitar for 30 minutes. Score.

-Robyn...damn, I forgot to get trash bags at the grocery store.



- posted by Robyn @ 10:37 PM 1 comments

 
100% juice
OK, so apparently some are wondering just how my date with the nice church boy went.

Well the fact that there has been NO mention of it whatsoever on my blog should give you an indication of how just how fabulous I think this guy is. I am in serious like with him. I never kiss and tell, or rather, kiss and blog. Unless, that is, it goes very badly and I have some horrific story to share. : )

My son turned on the television last night. No doubt to stick in Star Wars to watch for a few minutes before bed. We don’t have cable so we only have like four channels. He made the comment “look Momma! The same thing is on all the channels!”. That’s GOT to make it exciting, right? Yep, the Republican National Convention. He sweetly patted the spot next to him on the sofa and said “come watch it with me!” How could I resist? This or Star Wars again? It’s a tough call. Both are sheer fantasy. Star Wars being the more realistic of the two.

I had just explained to Nate the night before how mommy feels about W. This is one of those “yes I am the worst mother in the world stories”. I’m certainly not a one issue voter. But the pro-choice thing is something I am interested in and I have examined both candidates stand on this issue (as well as other things). So I told Nathan…warning….this is the bad mommy part….that George W. does not believe that a woman should be able to choose what kinds of doctors she goes to. I didn’t explain any more than that….
And I never miss an opportunity to point out to Nathan that our soldiers are dying in Iraq every single day.

Somebody has apparently gotten to Nathan. I can only assume hard core W fanatics are patrolling the playgrounds and brainwashing small children and they are secretly plotting to work me over. We watched the convention for maybe 5 minutes. That Zell, Hell whatever person was on. I don’t know. Fancy that, the one time I go by the Republican National Convention, it’s some old white guy. What are the chances of that??? But it reminded me more of watching the Reverend Charles Stanley preach than anything else…as I matter of fact when I first walked by the t.v. I thought it WAS the Reverend Charles Stanley. We watched it just long enough for Nathan to pick up on the fact that this Zell Hell guy was trash talking John Kerry. Nathan said it wasn’t nice to say bad things about someone else.

I had NO coffee yesterday. That’s right, no coffee. Probably explains why I was in bed by 9:45. No caffeine whatsoever. I was going to try to make it through again today, but when I woke up with the whole pounding headache thing, I thought screw that! Besides, today is Thursday and everyone knows that Thursday is donut day and I always go by Dunkin Donuts and get a French Cruller. And if you are going to have a French Cruller you’ve got to have a caramel latte with it. And it’s totally out of my control! I no longer have a say so in this. I go in and the nice little man who works at Dunkin just starts making my order. He has apparently spotted a pattern. We’ll see if I have the strength of character to forego the coffee tomorrow morning…

I always eat just the one French Cruller, but every time I do I wonder exactly how many of those things I could eat in one sitting. One day, I’m going to find out. I seriously bet I could eat 10 of ‘em. I’m also really freaky about the Krispy Kreme donuts…if I buy a box I will usually willpower myself into eating just one and then I lick the chocolate frosting off of another, or just lick the glaze off of another. Why am I telling you people how weird I am?

I have lots of food issues. I am a “layer” person…if I get something that has multiple layers…I like to eat the layers separately. Give me your basic slice of key lime pie (yes please from Bahama Breeze mmmm) and I will first eat the whipped cream topping, then the key lime part, then the crust. This can make eating a simple piece of pie turn into a half hour ordeal. And the chocolate French crullers – totally a two layer thing. First I eat the chocolate icing off. When I was married, this (amongst other things) drove my former spouse batty. I’m pretty sure it’s the reason we are no longer together.

Here’s another one – you know how I like the coffee beverages. I will have steamed milk or foam or froth or half and half in my coffee, but I would never ever just pour regular milk into my coffee. Oh the horror! The thought of that just grosses me out, because I don’t drink milk. But for some reason, the whole “steaming” process makes it ok. And I will rarely & occasionally think its ok to use one of the little pink packets of sweetener, but I would never actually put real sugar in my coffee. Flavored syrup, hey, that’s ok too. But sugar – no way!

Geez. What a freak I am! Is it any wonder that I’m alone?

I’m also a very mean mommy. I’m one of those mommies who says “no you can’t have that because it’s not 100% juice!!!”. Poor Nathan. I felt really guilty about this last weekend when I took him to buy stuff for his school lunches. I was going to be the cool mom and let him buy the Capri-Sun crap, and he said “that’s ok, I will just drink milk in the cafeteria”. Yep, I would too, but apparently only if it’s steamed.

-Robyn…mother of future republican delegate who only drinks 100% juice





- posted by Robyn @ 6:00 PM 0 comments