where oh where has my little dog gone oh where oh where could he be....
http://imarriedthepastor.blogspot.com
- posted by Robyn @ 5:48 AM 0 comments

 

bdr! dreambride2005!
- posted by Robyn @ 9:23 PM 1 comments

 
It's a bird! Its a plane! Its Superman!!!
Places where my new diamond engagement ring looks fabulous:
1. in the shower
2. laying in my bed
3. typing on my keyboard at work
4. waiting in the line at Starbucks
5. at church
6. Petting the much hated poodle

You get the point.

Turns out he wasn't mad at me in the car on the way to Medieval Times in Dallas. Turns out he was slightly freaking that we would get lost not make it on time miss the whole show and his perfect proposal plan. Oh and I was like an hour late to his house so he probably was a teensy bit mad at me too.

It was
1. The single most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. Perhaps the single most romantic thing of all time.
2. A total surprise...I mean you should have seen what I was wearing! But oh well. That's really who I am on a Saturday with wavy hair from not caring if my hair got wet in the rain wearing capri pants and flip flops.
3. perfect
4. Done in such a way that it included our kiddos and I think will be a good and special memory for the kiddos.
5. Did I mention it was perfect?

Stuff
1. I am dreambride2005.
2. If you would like to see my ring, tonight before you go to bed, look out your window. See that sparkle in the sky? That's it. The poodle hating pastor may despise small animals, but he can pick out the jewelry.
3. Nathan has already labeled a piece of paper in his school notebook 'wedding planner'. He's getting it all figured out for me. You'd think he was a bridezilla.
4. My mother has already put in her two cents worth on dresses. Even worse though...she called me AT WORK to make sure I knew I needed to get on 'the pill' so we wouldn't have any 'little surprises'. Ick. Thank you...and at this time I do need to remind you calls may be recorded for quality assurance. I am 33 for crying out loud....33 1/2! If I didn't have this whole reproduction thing figured out by now, I'd have like 12 kids! I messaged the pastor poodle hater prospective partner to inform him of my very helpful mother and to say do you see why she doesn't get to be involved in anything?
5. The pastor was very sweet and asked for my hand in marriage. My dad took this opportunity to tell him I can't cook! Where did this come from?
6. The ring has not come off my finger since he put it there. In order for it to come off it will have to be removed from my cold, dead finger. Even then I will rise from the dead and kick the ever-livin ass of whoever dares to touch the bdr.
7. I have my dress. I have booked reception. We have chapel. Invitations are on the way. I'm on the pre-wedding diet. And the most serious indicator of all...I have the appointment to get my hair done. We are not messin' around here.
8. Most importantly, fairy tales DO come true. Either that, or I totally wore the guy down and he was willing to do anything to shut me up.

That's all for now. Yes, I will totally run this into the ground, and enjoy every minute of it.

-Robyn...I still shave my armpits every single day.
- posted by Robyn @ 9:08 PM 2 comments

 
So what if I don't like peanut butter! What's it to ya?
In car with Poodle Hating Pastor and kiddos on our way to Medieval Times.

Got up this a.m. and spent considerable time making sammiches to stop and eat for lunch. Well let me back up a bit. Went to the grocery store last night to buy the stuff for the sammiches. Granted, I bought some other stuff too, but I spent $60.

So I get up this morning to make the picnic. I cannot buy regular bread at the grocery store. I never buy that processed, refined stuff. It is not good for you and it does not taste good. So when I buy bread, which is rare cuz I don't eat it, I go to the bakery. So I have this fresh baked bakery bread with sunflower seeds and all sorts of healthy stuff. Then I can't buy regular peanut butter and jelly. So I buy the all natural peanut butter that has the natural separation of oil on top that you have to stir up really well. And I don't even like peanut butter! And I have to buy the fruit only jelly. Why are you still reading this?

Anyway I make all these damn sandwiches and it takes way too much time and I spent so much damn money I'm thinking why in the heck are we just not stopping at mcdonalds? I hate mcdonalds, I hate them so much I'm not even going to capitalize their name. But I really don't like peanut butter and jelly either.

Well this ought to be a great trip. I started my period this morning and the Poodle Hating Pastor is perturbed at me because I was not punctual this morning. He is pretty much not speaking to me.

It is a good thing we are not joking around about proposals anymore because I am pretty sure he has completely changed his mind about me because I am always late and I am selfish.

I'm reminded of something everytime I encounter peanut butter. Several years ago I had to go to Mississippi for a business trip. I was a fraud investigator at the time and I had to teach some fraud awareness classes. The president of the company I was visiting took me out to dinner one night. He told me "Robyn there are two kinds of people in this world --- those who like peanut butter and those who don't". Then he said "you, Robyn, don't like peanut butter". I never asked him to explain what that meant and for YEARS it has driven me crazy. I no longer work for the company but I have even thought of calling the guy up and asking him what it meant.

-Robyn...neither crunchy nor creamy
- posted by Robyn @ 11:26 AM 1 comments

 
people we are not joking around here!
The Pastor Poodle Hater does NOT think it is funny to joke around about proposals. So sorry, but will have to pause on proposal punchlines probably because they make the procrastinating poodle hating pastor panic profusely.

Here's the text message I got from him:
I know we have both joked about it but today for some reason the proposal joke was not funny to me.

Well, allrighty then!

I have been to five "worship experiences". Actually I said I had been to church 5 times, but Pastor said that some of them did not count so I should put them under the category of worship experiences.
1. I went to the Pastor's church.
2. I went to church of the jumbotron.
3. Then I went to another church with the Pastor when he did the Passover service.
4. Then I went to the Buddhist Temple.
5. Then I went to a HolyThursday service.

It is interesting that here, in the Bible Belt, the two most warm & welcoming worship experiences I have been to in the past year include the Buddhist Temple and the Jewish Temple.

-Robyn
- posted by Robyn @ 11:19 AM 0 comments

 
a tisket, a tasket, let's drive self crazy making stupid easter baskets
Drove myself crazy buying stuff for easter baskets. It is strange dating hanging around with being friends with being sig other special friend with someone who has kids. My inclination for my shopping convenience at the Super Target is to buy three of everything. But his kids are not my kids so I cannot buy the same things and my kid's basket has to be *nicer*. Also if his kids were my kids they would be getting the Hello Kitty plush easter baskets this year so it is all so very complicated you see.

There's also this whole other complicated thing that my kid still probably believes in the Easter Bunny and you already know Poodle Hater hates small, cute dogs so it will come as no great surprise to you that he also despises large, basket-delivering bunnies. I hold out constant hope for anyone, anything that will bring me a present during the night....even an incubus. A girl's gotta have faith, right?

Back to being nutty over baskets. I was trying to explain this basket-insanity to the Poodle Hater, and his clever reply was that I was acting like my mom. I was already upset without this little factoid.

Perhaps Easter Bunny will bring me the Hello Kitty basket filled with Barbie eggs and my precious Russell Stover's white chocolate easter bunny and a turquoise Tiffany colored plastic easter egg with a.... must stop this!

Already in great form to be future evil step-monster. Went on day trip with Poodle Hater and small children yesterday. Small Child #2 did not want me to go because I make her *mind*. And to think I wanted to buy her the Hello Kitty basket! Now if I could only get the Poodle Hater to behave.

-Robyn...living in fear of small, midget-size Jesus's who do kung fu and poke people in the eye but hoping the Easter Bunny sneaks in
- posted by Robyn @ 7:20 AM 0 comments

 
Pores, Passover, PF Changs prejudice and pedicured polished feet on proposalwatch2005
On proposalwatch2005. I have a date tonight. Hmmmm could this be it? Have had facial, mani and pedi just in case.

Poodle-hater (by the way this is really catching on as his nick-name) says that if he proposes then I will not have anything to blog about. Nuh-uh!

I have had polish on my toes for a week solid. I could not take it any longer.

I made Mom eat at PF Changs. Mom hates asian food and has some sort of perceived prejudice against asian restaurants which probably involves cooking small dogs and immigrants living in the back of the restaurant.

I now have internet on my phone so I can blog any time I want. Pastor Poodle Hater says that I can blog about stuff that he does (besides proposing) in real time. Like for instance he just said "tonight would have been a good night to propose...but now the moment is gone". Then he said "you are not typing that, are you"?

Starting to get annoyed with self that I am home so very little. I sleep, wake up, get dressed for work, miscellaneous run-around stuff. Come home, take clothes off, throw into hamper, take makeup off, collapse, repeat. I really dislike that this is how I am living. I am not at home enough to relax in and enjoy my home. If I calculated the cost per hour that I spend at my home...well I don't even want to think about it.

Back to blog entry already in progress...twas interrupted by aforementioned date...no, tonight was not proposalnight2005. He has invited me to go with him tomorrow night when he does some passover service and I immediately had some passover-related-proposal fantasy. Must. Stop. This. Line. Of. Insane. Thinking.

-Robyn
- posted by Robyn @ 6:50 AM 0 comments

 
major holiday, march madness and mobile phones
Today is a major holiday. So you know what THAT means. It means I will somehow convince myself that I’ll get a ring with some sort of Irish-themed proposal. But the trouble is I am really tired and do NOT feel well, so unfortunately I don’t even think I can work myself into a frenzy over this today.

I got Nate a cell phone. I struggle with the concept of a cell phone for a 9 year old, but it’s just a cheapie pre-paid thing. He is going out of town with former spouse and I think the pre-paid cell is a good idea – then Nate & I don’t have to worry about things like former spouse complaining about his cell phone minutes---roaming, etc. or former spouse’s cell phone not working etc. etc. This puts the ownership into Nate’s hands & empowers him to be able to call whenever he wants, so I think this could be a good thing. We’ll see how it works.

I made my college basketball brackets. I have Duke and Penn in the final two, with Duke going all the way baby. I spent more time drawing pretty-pretty princess pictures on the very masculine looking brackets than I did picking teams.

Oh, back to the whole cell phone thing. I got a new phone too. The T Mobile Sidekick. It is a phone, a camera, a calendar, full web browsing, email, text messaging… It’s fine and dandy that it does all that stuff but let’s focus on what’s important. It’s pink. I would tell you the drama behind getting a new cell phone but people I just don’t feel good. Sigh.

-Robyn …everybody likes a nice Irish girl
- posted by Robyn @ 7:54 AM 0 comments

 
Whoppers, wayward lists and what-a-man, what-a-man, what a mighty mighty good man
Someone is trying to get on my good side and left a box of Whoppers on my desk this morning. Yea for the Whoppers. Yes, I am that easily bribed. But now I am torn it's only 10 in the morning, and I'm not one to eat food much before 1 p.m., but I am wanting to eat the Whoppers. eat the Whoppers eat the Whoppers eat the Whoppers

People who probably must pre-approve a possible cell phone plan partnership between me and the Pastor Poodle Hater Proposal Procrastinator person:
-well, him
-his parents?????*
-some board of trustees superintendents papal council of church people* but some of them are out of the country, busy, etc.
-the Pope*
-Bob Sagat*

*people I don't know

It might just be easier for me to combine cell phone plans with another woman.

OK, I might have thrown a random name or two in that list but it all sorta seemed so random anyway I figured a few more wouldn't hurt.

People/small animals who don't have a say-so
-the poodle

People who will want a say-so, but won't get one
-Mom (Dad really won't care as long as he doesn't have to help me move)
-Nate the Great - his only child status is legendary
-Legions, I tell you legions of single women who WISH they could have a chance with the world's most eligible pastor who hates small dogs, regardless of how cute they are

Notice that my name is inconspicuously absent from above lists??? Not quite sure where I'd fall at this point.

The Whoppers are open. I repeat. The Whoppers are open. I am only going to eat 11. I had actually told myself I would only eat ten, but then I thought why does my weird-ass freaky obsessive-compulsive self only work in even numbers? So that's when I went with 11.

Reasons the Poodle Hater is the world's most eligible pastor (not an all-inclusive list)
-the Pope has been kinda sick
-cargo pants with lotsa pockets
-a multitude of small recording devices
-lack of hair on head (please refer to prior blog entries to see how it is I feel about hair on head)
-'66 Ford Mustang Convertible...what am I 16 and going to the Prom? I wish!
-he was and still is BMOC
-speaks several languages.....can whisper sweet nothings in your ear or send you text messages in a variety of foreign tongues
-he's a smarty
-he makes facial hair WORK
-he keeps me stocked with the latest InStyle magazine
-he doesn't wear a ball cap - ball caps are stupid
-he doesnt watch sports. I may even know more about sports-related things than he does
-adorably vertiginous
-parents live in a whole other state, in fact no family members within state border
-bought me this really cool vase thing - oh yes, he Indian-givered it...oh well
-cooks, cleans, does laundry
-Fills car up with gas! Takes out trash!
-takes the time to notice when I get my hair done, even if it's on a day when I actually haven't gotten my hair done
-when he knows I have to work late, brings me tortilla chips and queso and hot sauce!
-he goes to the gym a lot
-he showers frequently and always smells good
-he lets me eat his chocolate covered raisins
-he pays attention to stuff I like
-he puts up with me, and sometimes I can be a real pain in the bum (hey cute only gets one so far)
-he made me my own special taco soup with no meat in it
-he reads stuff...and some of it's not even printed on newsprint or slick magazine paper!
-he takes me to On the Border even though he hates it
-he has visited the Clinique counter for me...more than once
-he does not cower in fear over the 25th day
-he has POWER - power to pronounce people husband & wife, power to drive out demons, etc. etc. and what more could a girl want?

-Robyn...the Whoppers are all gone
- posted by Robyn @ 9:09 AM 1 comments

 
Tulsa, trendy tops, trashy thongs, tortilla chips, trays of tea, one tremendous tokus, Tuesdays and too many italics!
Road trip! Road trip!

Appears relationship with Pastor/Poodle Hater/Proposal Procrastinator has survived first out-of-town trip. Drove to Tulsa with Pastor and his kiddos to attend wedding he was officiating.

here's how it went
-I left work early on Friday. We drove my car to Tulsa. Once we got there, I watched his kiddos so that he could do the rehearsal. Then I helped with the kiddos during the rehearsal dinner.
-After the rehearsal events, one kiddo fell asleep, the other did not. While he put one kiddo to bed, I took the other to swim in the hotel pool.
-Next morning,. a quick check of the pastor's separate and distinct room revealed that the kiddos were awake and watching cartoons, and the Pastor was still trying to sleep. Me, being the nice nice nice nice nice person that I am, took kiddos to eat breakfast in the hotel, then we went in search of the nearest Starbucks because no one is pleasant until they've had their macchiato, and then went and explored the mall (which was not yet open) so the Pastor could sleep in. After all, he has to unite two people in holy matrimony! He must be fresh! If I was a dreambride2005, I'd want a fresh Pastor! What do I really have to do anyway...eat, shop, manicure?
- Divide and conquer before the wedding. I took one of the kiddos to my room to shower and dress, while he took the other.
-Watched the kiddos during the wedding. Did my best during all of these wedding-related events to be charming and engaging and friendly to the new people I was meeting.

Then it happened. At the reception. Are you ready for this? Pastor introduced me to someone as:

this is my friend Robyn

Sigh.

Sigh!

Did I mention sigh?!? My heart sank just a little bit, at least down to my giant fat ass (more about this later).

Pet peeve alert! Pet peeve alert! Huge giant pet peeve alert!

For some reason, this just really pisses me off. Friend indeed! I mean, did you just read all that stuff above? A very, very, very, very, very good friend indeed!

If you can't think of anything else to say besides friend, then just Robyn please! Even "good friend" would have been better. Some sort of qualifier!

Got to go to the big mall in Tulsa. It was quite exciting because I got to go to Aveda and to Frederick's of Hollywood. My normal mall has neither of these. Let's tackle them one at a time:

Aveda
-Walked into the store and the cute little blonde-bobbed (that's bobbed, not boobed) salesgirl comes over with a tray with a little cup of tea on it and says "would you like some hot tea"? Of course I would! So I told the girl how I didn't have an Aveda store, had to go on-line or to a salon, blah blah blah blah and she said
"Ill do your eyes"! Sure! I"d love that! Anyways, she ended up doing all my makeup! Yea for me! And since I was going to aforementioned wedding and had no makeup on, this was perfect.

Frederick's
I bought 11 pairs of panties. Thongs thongs thongs thongs thongs thongs thongs! Not one pair of undies that will cover my giant bum. Dug through the clearance bin! What, I ask you, could be more fun than digging through a bin of very naughty underwear that my mother would not approve of?

I was sick most of last week and still don't feel good. I am amazed at how much snot my body can produce. So I asked my body, "Body, how is it that you can make that much snot"? Then this little voice inside my head said "well you think you can eat THAT many tortilla chips, why is it unreasonable to think that we are capable of producing that much mucus"? Gross. One should never write about snot and sacred tortilla chips in the same paragraph.

I ended up going to the doctor twice which is pretty amazing since I'm not one to go to the doctor once. Things took an ugly, fat turn when I weighed at the doctor. I didn't look, but when the nurse put my chart on the counter I saw the number she had written down.

Oh. Holy. Jeepers.

I didn't mean to! I didn't want to know, but she wrote really big. And it was a really big number to write. There are some things that your eyes just cannot un-see. So I am presently a giant fat ass and not happy about it.

Last week I also got one of those lingerie inspired tops that are so trendy right now...looks like you are wearing a camisole. Yet another item not approved of/endorsed by Mom. So naturally not only did I get one, I got the wildest one I could find.

The thing about dating the same person for so long is that after a while you DO start to think that every holiday, occasion, just about anything is THE moment when he is going to propose. You are on proposal watch duty all the time. Even if he hates your dog. Even if you are a "friend". You know, major holiday's like Christmas, Valentine's, Ground Hog's Day, President's Day, the Spring Equinox, the one year anniversary of him asking for your phone number, March 4---you know, so you can "march forward", Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, anniversary of the constitution, Ash Wednesday, Chinese New Year, First of Muharram, Flag Day...you get the picture. I'd settle for just a Tuesday.

-Robyn...fat assed friend
- posted by Robyn @ 10:26 AM 1 comments

 
push up bras,pastors,poodle-haters,pretty-pretty princess printers,but NO pictures,polish,paintings,panties,phone plans or proposals with props
I got a ring! I got a ring! I got a ring!
-It’s pink.
-It’s NOT the kind of ring that means you are going to combine cell phone plans with someone.
But it is still big and pink and sparkly and pretty . I’ve not taken it off my finger. If I had a digital camera, I would take a picture of it and show it to you. Then you would be happy too. Even though my nails aren’t polished.
-It’s very nice to know that people who hate your dog but love you are thinking about you and buying you presents when they are out of town.

Church Boobies
Sunday I wore one of my wrap dresses to church. With one of my push-up bras. The pastor said “you look very breasty today”. I think he meant it in a you need to not wear a wrap dress and push up bra and body glitter to church sort of way, but no one ever says the phrase “you look breasty” to me so I totally took it in more of a delightful compliment sort of way.

boy am I dumb/red-faced/live in pretty-pretty princess fantasy land/have a vivid imagination
It is a good thing I am able to keep my mouth shut and that people aren’t able to hear my thought process.

Here is a for instance, I was totally able to convince myself that the pastor poodle hater was going to propose and had some big elaborate proposal scheme. Here's how it went. I picked him up at the airport the other night. He stopped and pulled a flower out of the ground and said “I’ll need that later”.

Hmmmm.

Then he says he has to go by his office for something.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Then he pulls over to a tree and removes a branch. So naturally anyone would conclude from this succession of events that he has some big romantic proposal involving a single blossom and a stick. He’s very deep like that, it could happen. (I know, and monkeys could fly out my bum). And we are perfectly willing to draw this conclusion even though HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I was going to pick him up at the airport.

But in actuality when he was out of town he had bought me this really cool vase thing….it’s not really a vase but it’s a rock that has a hole in the middle to be a flower/stick receptacle. And he wanted to give it to me. It was very sweet and romantic.

So here’s what we learned. 1. I'm not smoking crack, I just have a very wild and strange imagination. 2. I need to relax. 3. Be thankful for what you have. 4. Push up bras really work, but they won’t get you a cell phone plan. 5. I am a fool, fool, fool for love.

Actually months ago I had another wild proposal fantastical fantasy involving a painting. I won’t EVEN tell you about it because it is WAY too embarrassing.

But I think the poodle-hating pastor won’t propose because he is the type of person who if he did something like that, it would mean that he had he would HAVE to go through with it. As long as he doesn’t propose then he always has a way out, a back door, an exit.

Sigh.

I vacillate – part of me knows that life is not like the movies and no one is going to blindfold me, sneak me in the back door of Tiffany’s and tell me to “pick one”. I really, really know that. But this other part of me who is a totally stupid girly girl thinks that it would be cool to have some big romantic fantasy.

For the most part, I feel really good about my life right now. My house is picked up, my bills are paid, my skin is clearing up and I am managing to survive in a nail-polish free world. I am very, very blessed. I do feel fat though after hibernating all winter…

It took me five months but I finally got invited to go to lunch with someone from work. Yea for me. I also got flowers at work. Yea for me! I came out of a meeting and they were waiting on my desk! There’s nothing like flowers to give you the will to live and come back into work the next day. One of the computer guys also let me name my printer so now when I print it goes to the “pretty pretty princess printer”. It’s important to find joy in the small things.

-Robyn
- posted by Robyn @ 8:20 AM 1 comments

 
kim chi looks pale, has hair that smells like a stripper and is on the lookout for scary midgets
I got my hair streaked again this week. I had my brilliant hairdresser put more blonde in it and it just looks awesome. So I tell the poodle hater that I'm going to have pretty hair and he just HAS to take me out. So after my hair appointment, I go to pick him up (he has to take me out yet I am picking him up do you sense a problem already). He gets in the car, well first he makes me get out and get in the passenger seat because I drive like a crazy person, and he tells me...are you ready for this...

"You look pale."

Not your hair looks awesome. Not gee your hair smells terrific. Not you look pretty even though you worked an 8 hour day. But you look pale.

So then he takes me to a Korean restaurant. The restaurant was in a strip mall in a slightly seedy side of town. In the same strip mall was a business that sold caskets. Hmmmm. The restaurant had signs on the wall made out of construction paper. Aside from things on the menu like intestines a hair in a food dish, the meal was lovely. We had Kim Chi and I was pleasantly surprised. Caskets and wayward hairs aside, I would totally go again. Kim Chi is very cool and they bring out like 82 bowls of different things to your table and if you want more they bring you more.

Me Chinese, me play joke, me put crack in your food?
I have pretty much eaten asian food every day this week. Fortune Chinese restaurant on Sunday. Fortune Chinese restaurant on Monday. Can't remember what I did on Tuesday. Korean restaurant on Wednesday. PF Changs with Nate the Great on Thursday. Leftover PF Changs yesterday. Due to the complexity of my takeout order at the Fortune Chinese restaurant on Monday night (they had to call me back and ask questions) I'm quite certain I'm now on their "not allowed to order" list. Nate and I had the Great Wall of Chocolate at Changs, which, while not exactly asian, was delish.

I guess I looked moderately retarded with my chopsticks, because the waitress brought me a fork without my asking. I'm normally pretty good with the chopsticks.

I am slightly freaked out by one of the fortunes I received in one of my fortune cookies - it said that a short stranger would be entering my life. I told the guy who offices next to me to be on the lookout for midgets.

Stuff -
-My checkbook is balanced, like normal, to the penny. I am an absolute freak about it being to the penny. It is important to have balance in your life.
-I have not worn underwear for the better part of three days. If I wear pants, I probably don't have on panties.
-My skin is starting to look fantastic. I am so relieved. Yea for me.
-My nails look hideous. My house is a wreck. There is a giant pile of laundry. But, but but but but...hey I am a busy and important and powerful woman. I've got lots - TONS - goin' on. The checkbook is balanced and I filed my taxes and I worked about a bazillion hours this week and I have a boyfriend!
-I have friend at work. He gave me his phone number. I think it may even be a real number. And he has really pretty blue eyes and the loveliest, longest eyelashes. If I marry the poodle hater, he is going to be one of my brides-mates.
-And I get Nathan back tomorrow. Life. is. good.

-Robyn
- posted by Robyn @ 7:44 AM 1 comments

 
mad farmer liberation of cheese wearing a giant hiney harness
stuff you should know
-I am filing my taxes all by myself, just like a big girl.
-I went through the Rapido Rabbit carwash again. Disappointed to figure out the name is "Rapido Rabbit" and not "Robo Rabbit" as I previously thought. Still, the whole thing is robo-tronic, which is good and it's nice to be bilingual.
-Got a facial. Working on pretty skin. Yea for me!
-Cleaned out my closet. Having a major "trash attack" at the condo. I'm just at the point where I have way to much stuff and some of it's gotta go.
-Celebrated the Sabbath by painting my nails. The first color was not bright enough, so I took that off and kicked it up a notch. If you are going to celebrate, I say go all out.
-I am eating plain cheerios...what am I, a toddler?
-I watched the kite surfers at the lake. Total coolness. They have a sail that looks like a giant headband. It is doubtful I could do because 1. you apparently have to be a man? 2. you have to wear this huge butt harness that just makes your hiney look giant. Probably why you have to be a man because what woman wants her bum to look bigger. 3. I'm hugely un-coordinated.

The Cheese Stands Alone
I don't know why, but for weeks "The Farmer in the Dell" song has been stuck in my head. This whole thing started when I was thinking about the fact that no one wants to be alone and somehow this led me to the Farmer in the Dell and how no one wants to be the cheese. So literally this has been stuck in my thought process for weeks. make it stop Then.....bizarro! Nate tells me the other day...

"Mom the most HUMILIATING thing EVER happened to me today!"

"what sweetie?"

(insert very sad tone of voice here) "I had to be the cheese in Farmer in the Dell."

I told him not to worry. Mommy will always be right there and will be cheesy with you. I won't let you stand alone. What the heck....why is the cheese even dancing in this twisted little song?

Life can be fabulous, even when you are a big hunk of stinky, dancing cheese.

-Robyn...cheerio, not the cereal kind, but the British kind
- posted by Robyn @ 3:16 PM 0 comments

 
walking on rose petals and red carnations coming out of your bum
pity flowers
I got flowers from one of my employees for valentine’s day. It really was a lovely gesture. However, when I was thanking her for the blossoms, she couldn’t just stop with “you’re welcome”. She had to go on with “yes, I tried to get flowers for all of the single people who I thought would be alone on valentine’s day and don’t have anybody”.

But the really cool thing is the flowers contained two roses. Since they were starting to get wilty today, I sprinkled the rose petals all over the floor in my office. Since today is “what should I be today” day, I decided I should be one who walks (and rolls her chair on) rose petals.

I’m so proud of ME!
-Have survived week one with no polish. I don’t like the way my feet look but I’m glad I’m part of the Kingdom. I actually think I may come out of this whole experience with longer, stronger healthier nails. I guess it is just as well that I didn’t receive some sort of ring for valentine’s day as it probably would look better modeled on a polished finger anyway.
-I have done amazing things this week. 1. I went to the grocery store. 2. I bought groceries, even though people there annoyed me. 3. I made enchiladas and rice for me and Nate. 4. Last night, even though I didn’t have Nate I made dinner for myself (and it was good) 5. I have been making my coffee at home in the mornings. 6. My car is still clean, but a bird did poop on it. I guess that’s God’s little way of karma for me saying people are stupid and liking the robotic car wash.

Disclaimer: the following is in no way, shape or form a tirade about my former spouse. It is merely an amusing little story. Thank you.

We have a lovely week on/week off custody exchange. Apparently this means that I am the parent responsible for the 50% un-fun work, discipline and parental type things, and former spouse is responsible for all that is fun.

Last week, Nathan was given a massive homework assignment. Make a President McKinley paper doll, and read a 96-page book on President McKinley. So I get Nate back from Dad and it is the day before the assignment is due and none of it has been done. Must 1. read the book, 2. go to evil Wal-Mart and purchase supplies for paper doll, 3. take book to Kinkos to make photocopy of President’s head for doll 3. make doll, 4. other miscellaneous and sundry Mommy duties that you do every night….make sure people eat, bathe, have clothes to wear, etc.

So I call former spouse and was probably not very kind to him. I explained my unhappiness over the fact that none of this had been done the week before and how it’s not a good idea to teach small child to wait until the last minute, instead you should do a little bit at a time, etc. etc. Of course, nothing was ever the fault of former spouse. He explains to me that Nate did not make him aware of the assignment til one night at 9:30 and at that time it was too late. So, you see, not his fault! Nathan should have told him earlier! You mean he’s supposed to ask small child if small child has homework? Gasp! So Nate doesn’t tell him til late one evening, then the next night they went to a concert, then he let Nate go to a sleepover, then he let Nate go play at a friend’s house. Oh, did I mention not only had Nate not made any progression on his homework, but he was also completely exhausted?

Anyway, I digress. Back to the story, I called former spouse and asked “how do YOU suggest is the best way to handle reading a 96-page book and making a paper doll tonight?

“Uhhhhh, I dunno.”

“What time should we expect you to come over?”

So there you have it. I made former spouse come over and help. Oh, this is also coincidentally how I spent valentine’s day: 1. went to work, worked like a mad woman. 2. left work briefly to attend small child v-day party, 3. went back to work, 4. went to purchase paper doll supplies, 5. went to pick up child, 6. went home and cooked while child bathed and practiced guitar, 7. did dishes, 8. worked on paper doll til almost ten, (with former spouse in my house) 9. collapsed.

red carnations
One more thing about President McKinley. President McKinley became famous for wearing a red carnation is his buttonhole. Only Nate got confused and thought it was butt hole.

-Robyn
- posted by Robyn @ 6:07 PM 1 comments

 
girls just wanna have fun with the robots
Sigh. Hello stranger. Truth be known, just haven't felt like much of my life has been bloggeriffic lately.

Poodle Hater (How bout we call him Ph.D. for short? We can decide later what the "D" stands for.) took me to a musical last Thursday night. The "I Want My '80's" musical. It was really good. The songs were totally taken out of context. For instance, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" was used in a sad moment. And typical girl songs were sung by guys and vice-versa.

TOTALLY excited about the new Robo Rabbit carwash. Yet another automated thing in this world that keeps you from having to deal with stupid people. Except for the stupid person in front of me in the car wash line who couldn't figure out how to insert bills, push buttons, etc. Robots are good. People are stupid. However I did go to Robo Rabbit right after I went to Super Target. Mind you I went to Super Target because I hate Wal Mart and I find that most people who shop there are mildly retarded and also I do not wish to provide any further financial support to the big Wal Mart corporation. Heck if I know who owns Target though. They might be some evil bastages as well, but I don't care because whoever they are they've got to be the lesser of two evils.

I had a point here. Really. Anyways I went to the robotronic car wash after leaving the Super Target where people annoyed me and I found myself wanting to say over and over and over and over again would you please just move your ass. So after that experience it was robots - yes please and thank you!

I am in one of those "anywhere but here" moods today. The weather is abso-smurfly gorgeous, but I find myself wishing I could just get in the car (the clean car) and drive far, far away or get on a plane and go anywhere. But instead I guess I'll get up and go to work in the morning. Sleep. Repeat. Sigh.

Huge difference between boys and girls. You will never ever hear a man recite off all of the things they have eaten in a day, but that is what us girls do. Today I had for breakfast one valentine cookie. Then I had some tofu and some edamame and PITA chips which I made at home. I am quite sure that I am the only person in the greater metropolitan area who had this combination of food today. Sometimes I wish that I could just be normal and go eat a Big Mac and fries or something.

Day 4 of no nail polish. I had a manicure and pedicure yesterday, treated myself, but without the polish. I can't tell you how many times I had to tell the people NO POLISH. What am I dealing with here? Wal Mart shoppers? Anyways the whole no polish thing was just unbelievable to them.

It's later. I'm thinking the "D" stands for delicious, dandy, dy-no-mite, designless, desultory, who's my daddy, date night, dreamy, directionless and drifting and sometimes drives me crazy. In a good way. That's all for now.

-Robyn...pretty dandy myself I must say AND I have a clean car
- posted by Robyn @ 1:21 PM 0 comments

 
The Season of Lent, near-death experiences, a "Ranch" and no polish
Pastor/Poodle Hater/Professor Vertiginous/Rabbi/Boyfriend/Significant Other....
and I were discussing the season of Lent. I told him, and we'll just call him "him" for brevity, some of the things I had toyed giving up:

1. mexican food
2. coffee

I know, it's a long list, but it's not like I have a lotta vices.

"He" hit me where I live. He said that I should give up...and are you ready for this???...nail polish. On my fingernails, that's really not a biggie because sometimes I like the bare nails or go for a cleaner, clear, natural, professional, shiny, well-manicured look. However I cannot recall a time when I have not had colored polish on my toes. Or little painted designs. So this turned into a discussion where I asked things like would it be ok if I used clear polish, and "he" said things like Jesus died on the cross for you and you can't stop painting your toes for 40 days.

"He" also just got back from a ski trip. Apparently "he" had a near-death experience driving on an icy road down the side of a mountain. All I'll say is he should have way more near-death experiences, they seem to be quite good for our relationship.

A guy TOTALLY tried to pick me up at the Post Office today. Going to the Post Office is one of my most unfavorite things to do. One of my most unfavorite places in the whole wide world. Quick three things I despise: 1. putting gas in my car, 2. taking out the trash, 3. going to the Post Office. Oh, and 4. unpolished toes. Anyways, if you were ever going to approach me, try to pick me up, the Post Office is probably NOT the place. Anyway, he asked me my name. I told him Robyn R. He said my name is blah blah...whatever it was, his initials were also R.R. So his conclusion: (and he said this to me) we would be great together! He gave me his business card and said give me a call and let's go to lunch sometime. This guy was approximately, and mind you I'm not good at figuring out people's ages, but I am not kidding you he was about 67 years old. His card had a work phone, a fax and the phone number at his "Ranch". Hmmmm. It was somewhat sweet, but creepy. Mostly creepy.

Nate and I made valentine boxes last weekend. I had to cover a shoe-box for Nate to take to school to decorate. What fun is that? So we covered one for Mommy too, and Nate and I decorated it together. Then I took it to work and hung it outside of my office. Needless to say, I am the only person at the office with a valentine box. This brought many comments. Many people made the comment that we should all have valentine boxes. Then I had lots of other comments along the lines of "do you really expect valentines???". Of course I do! If you build it, they will come! What's funny is that I am probably one of the only people in the whole freakin' office who didn't hang up a Christmas stocking. So it was ok for all of them to think that Santa was going to come, but it is unreasonable for me to think that St. Valentine will visit me? And it has totally worked. So far I have received some candy, some more candy, a card, and a valentine pin. So ha!

Off to perform polish removal process...

-Robyn...xoxoxo

- posted by Robyn @ 7:57 PM 1 comments

 
toast is hard and bar-b-q sucks
movies
the last three I've seen:
1. Hotel Rwanda
2. Maria Full of Grace (Spanish - subtitles)
3. A Very Long Engagement (French - subtitles)
(all within the past week - no wonder I'm so depressed)

1. Hotel - everyone should see this film. When your kids are "old enough"...they should see it too. We will be in Iraq forever, yet we let almost a million people die in Rwanda.

2. Maria Full of Grace
This film moved very slowly, yet it was good. Definitely worthy of watching. It's about a young, pregnant Columbian girl who becomes a drug runner, swallowing balloons of cocaine.

I don't see how anyone, who has access to go to/rent either of the movies above will be able to even remotely think about complaining about one ounce of their luxurious life. (Unless, of course, they tried to make Hello Kitty toast this morning or ever tried to figure out the complex male psyche.)

3. a very, very, very, very, very long movie
It was ok. Ehhhh. Parts of it I liked very much. But I swear I felt like I was in the theatre for 6 freakin' hours! If you are planning to see the movie....warning.....I'm talking about it here....
It's about this girl who goes looking for her *missing* fiance after WWI. She goes here. Someone says he'd dead. She goes somewhere else. Yep he's dead. She hires a private detective. She looks here. He's dead. She looks there. He's dead. Then after about 6 hours of this guess what? He's alive. But by then I found myself no longer caring.

product update
I used the Hello Kitty toaster. Frankly, I was a bit disappointed at first. I had some of that swirly, cinnamonny bread, and I tried it first. No distinguishable face of Hello Kitty on the toast. Tried another piece. Cranked the heat setting up more. Nope. Tried potato bread. OK, that worked. I was glad because I was starting to panic and get a bit agitated. After all, I was doing this in the morning. It is not good for me to try to do such complex things before I have had coffee.

Today we are having a lunch at work. The theme is Mardi Gras. Yet the luncheon is bar-b-q. Strangely though, I have never associated Mardi Gras and slaughtered animal flesh before. I hate bar-b-q, and here in the land where people slaughter their own pet cow Bessie and stick her in the deep freeze, people just don't get it so they are always trying to force the bar-b-q on you.

-Robyn...no chipped beef on my Hello Kitty toast
- posted by Robyn @ 11:29 AM 1 comments

 
ewww premarin
http://www.hsus.org/pets/issues_affecting_our_pets/equine_protection/the_facts_about_premarin.html

- posted by Robyn @ 7:38 AM 0 comments

 
token single white female
Welcome to our Church family!
Have two church type incidents I must chat about.

church incident #1
One of the churches I attend is very large and is big on members attending small home groups in order to facilitate personal relationships within the church family. I've tried to land a small home group before, but I've never quite found the right one. When I was going through the dissolution of marriage I did not feel like I belonged in a singles group, and I didn't want to be around a bunch of happy marrieds.

Recently the pastor did a 4 week series and encouraged this small group involvement during the series. The church said you could sign up if you wanted to participate in a group...and you would be contacted by a group leader. I did this twice and was never contacted so I didn't have a group for that series.

Anyway, we are starting a new message series and the church is encouraging everyone to find a small group for the 6 week devotionals. It's a bit different this time as you can get on their internet site and search for a small group. So you have to put yourself out there and contact the group leader instead of a group leader contacting you. So I got on-line, searched and found a group. I emailed the group leader and received a very warm response - we're just starting up our group, we're very excited, you're one of the first to contact us, you'll be part of creating this group.....blah blah blah

But here is the kicker...the group leader said they weren't limiting the group and all are welcome - marrieds, singles, people with kids, people with no kids, all ages.

So last night the leader of the group calls me again to let me know that I am the only single person coming and she wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to feel uncomfortable. Well, no I wasn't, at least not until you made sure that you have pointed this out to me. Uh, but now I will. So I told her that did not make me uncomfortable and she said "good, it will be nice to have the perspective of a single person". Sigh. So now it has turned from something I was semi-excited about to me feeling like some sort of patronized, ostracized freak.

church incident #2
I went to a women's bible study last night. I try to do this things so I can socialize and then I always feel like I don't belong. The bible study is two parts: first group discussion then watch a video. I was the only person at my table who didn't take my bible with me. I was also the only person not married. During the group discussion part they completely deviated from the topic at hand and started talking about babies. This is not a particular topic of discussion that I'm comfortable with so I decided to take a bathroom/get more coffee/send text messages break. I want to watch the videos, I enjoy those, so next time I will just skip the first hour which is the group discussion.

Here's what really bothered me though. There was a pregnant lady at my table (PL#1). Another pregnant lady (PL#2) in the room walked up and started a conversation with her which I could overhear. PL#2 was obviously fairly new to the church, and in a delicate situation without a husband. PL#2 asked PL#1 about the small home group PL#1 attends. PL#2 was apparently, like me, looking for a small home group for the new study. PL#1 told PL#2 "well you can come if you like but you probably wouldn't feel comfortable because it is all married couples".

The pastor espouses that we be a church that doesn't restrict to people who look like us act like us dress like us....and the congregates bob their little heads up and down, but when you break it down into individuals and small groups it seems like I always see something entirely different.

Sigh. I feel like a giant bitch already. There is this older lady who offices on one side of me....she's not in my area and I really haven't spoken to her. But today, all of a sudden, she had her computer set quite loud so that every time she hits enter or something it bakes a "bing". Finally, after enduring this for a couple of hours I realized I might go insane or have some sort of outburst or incident so I asked her to turn it down. If you've ever seen that movie Office Space it was similar to the way that one lady answers the phone... I am only capable of drowning out so much. Anyway, I feel really bad that the only interaction I've had with her is telling her to make it stop.

-Robyn...you would be in a small home group with me, wouldn't you, even if I told you to turn the computer down?

- posted by Robyn @ 8:45 AM 0 comments

 
completely insecure about all things except the Hello Kitty toaster and the 25th day
"I Love You" sightings:
1. A couple of months ago, Mr. Poodle Hater accidentally told me twice "I Love You". One of those deals where you are getting ready to walk out the door, getting ready to hang up the phone and the words just slip out. So I let those slide.
2. Then we had the whole incident where I got the text messages that I thought were from him but they were actually from a small child belonging to him who has an unbelievable grasp on cell phone technology. Ugh. We still don't want to talk about that one.
3. I've gotten lots of "I'm falling in love with you's". Or, "I think I'm falling in love with you". Or the "I am trying to figure out what it means to love you". I also got lots of "I like you". Or "I heart you". Yes I would literally get a text message on my phone that said "I heart you".
4. Then right around the new year, we were at church and lots of other people were standing around. Right in the midst of this he leans over and whispers in my ear "I Love You."
5. Since then, he told me "I Love You" once on the phone when we were getting ready to hang up. I also got another "I'm trying to figure out what it means to love you". Huh? Did he mean it when he said it? Did he change his mind?
6. Then the other night night, he stops by, takes my car to fill it up with gas (score!) and drops my keys off and tells me he loves me before he goes. I know when he said it I made a face at him....crinkled my nose at him.....just because it's so sporadic and caught me off guard. Then I wonder when I'm going to hear it again?

And yet it is puzzling to him why I would be completely insecure about our relationship. A Hello Kitty toaster only gets you so far.

explanation of the female body
Just to clear things up for some of you men who think that women only get their periods once per month. Actually, no. I got my period on January 1. And since I get my period every 25 days, I will actually have two periods this month. If you do the math....365ish days per year divided by a period every 25 days...it actually comes out to 14.6 periods per year. Sigh.

former spouse fodder

Talked to my kiddo last night. Nate said that him and daddy might be moving because Daddy has found a house to buy. Nate was quite serious when he told me this. I told Nate I was very happy for him and his dad and I hope it all works out. Then after I hung up I was very sad. I started going down this path that I don't like...the how come he is in a position where he is able to buy a house and I am going to be paying rent for the rest of my life... I try to be a person who is not concerned about what other people have that I don't and find contentment with my life. But I gotta admit this one got to me.

But then I remembered. I remembered just this past Saturday when Nate's glasses were broken and former spouse took them to the eyeglass place to get them fixed. It cost a $10 co-pay. Former spouse told me the eyeglass place also offered to replace lenses for additional $10 co-pay. Nate has had glasses for probably close to 7 months and while he is careful with them, he is after all a kid and there are scratches. Former spouse declined to do this. So I called the eyeglass place and asked them to go ahead and replace the lenses and I would pay for them when the glasses were picked up. Then I called former spouse and told him I'd done this, in case he happened to pick glasses up. I just told him I had requested new lenses, didn't tell him he needed to pay, didn't enter into any discussion about payment, etc. Then he said....well I don't know if I can pay for that or not. Mind you, when Nate got the glasses 7 months ago I was the one who took him to the doctor. I was the one who paid for the exam and I was the one who paid for the glasses. Didn't ask for anything from him.

So I'm ok now. All better.

-Robyn..."words of love so soft and tender won't win a girl's heart anymore/if you love her you must send her somewhere where she's never been before" (The Mamas and The Papas)
OK, perhaps more effective when actually sung by Mama Cass and not typed.
- posted by Robyn @ 7:35 AM 1 comments

 

me and poodle hater/signficant other/special friend/boyfriend/hello kitty toaster buyer at Bingo Night
- posted by Robyn @ 7:49 PM 0 comments

 
bad attitudes will not be tolerated
Arrrrgh!

What a day. It should tell you something that I am at home on a Friday night, it's not even quite 9 as I start to type and I am in pj's drinking Tazo tea with the Nater-potater.

Had to tell Nathan approximately a billion times to put glasses on, etc. this morning. Then when we got to Grandma and Grandpa's house, told him hey next time Mommy won't ask. You are a big boy. When Mommy's ready to go, we are leaving. And if your little ass is not ready, you are going barefoot, no glasses, in your panties, etc. OK, so I am paraphrasing but you get the picture.

Nato potato. The poor kid broke his glasses today. Oh well, they know us by name at Lenscrafters. Kiddo doesn't feel well. Due to strange dissolution arrangements, I am responsible for paying for medical stuff, yet former spouse is responsible for carrying insurance. Only he changed insurance this year, has provided me with no cards (yes I've asked), I have no idea about providers, facilities, co-pays etc. Am not a happy camper. If Nate is not feeling better in the morning, former spouse has agreed to take him to the clinic.

Apparently James Dobson of Focus in the Family is now picking on one of my absolute faves, Sponge Bob Square Pants. My bathroom is decorated in the happy little sponge. Apparently Dobson thinks it is not right for Sponge and his friend Patrick to hold hands. And Sponge is happy all the time. I let a lot of this kind of stuff go right by, but now they are hitting me where I live. If I recall correctly, Dobson also said that if a member of his church won the lottery, he would not take 10% of the money. So if I win the lottery, I'm buying one of those giant Sponge Bob's on E-Bay and sending it to Dobson.

-Robyn
- posted by Robyn @ 6:51 PM 0 comments

 
what's behind door number 2?
I don't know what to write here. There's no thought process people!!!

I am trying to get my name changed with the Social Security administration. Turns out that it would be easier for Mom to re-birth me and apply for a new card. Was explaining this dilemma to Mom yesterday. I told her, hey, I'm in no hurry. So she made the comment that time goes by so fast that it'll be here before I know it. So I explained that I will probably get married dozens of times before I retire. Dozens! Geez! I am never changing my name again. I don't care if I get remarried and we ALL have different last names. Not going to do it.

Older brother just turned 36. That is very distressing to me because that means that I will be 34 on my birthday. 34 is ok, but I'm telling you right now I am going to freak out about 35. Dad keeps finding great humor in pointing out to me that I will be 40 in six more years. Oh holy jeepers.

I have been working sporadically on my New Year's resolutions. No hurry here. Here's what I've got so far. 1. I'm reinstating my old tradition of making Thursday night manicure pedicure night...put on the pjs, watch something mindless and do the nails. 2. I toyed with the resolution of not going to McDonalds, not like I go there very much, but then I started to think of summertime and dipped cones and thought that might not be a good resolution? 3. Not step on a scale the entire year. Unless required by a medical professional. C'mon do you really need an exact weight to write me an Rx for amoxicillian and sinus medication? You can't eye-ball it? Pahhlease. Anywho, if the doctor makes me step on a scale I will but I won't look at the number and I won't ask.

No updates on Mr. Poodle Hater. Did I mention I got the Hello Kitty Toaster? He implied that he had a Valentine present for me. Don't ever tell me you HAVE a present for me, because I will probably hound you until you give it to me. So I told him that I thought Valentine's Day was a completely stupid holiday, when in fact I really wanted him to just give me my present. I fully intend to act as though Valentine's IS in fact a big deal.......and he should take me out to dinner, buy me a card/candy/flowers, etc. etc. We'll show HIM who can be vertiginous!

Anyways, the aforementioned present was the Hello Kitty toaster. I have not used it yet. I actually do have a loaf of bread, I bought some of that cinammony bread for Nate the Great, but I have not used the toaster yet because it is so stinkin' cute and it's all new and pristine.

Mr. Poodle Hater bought me a lovely antique brooch for Christmas. Quite pretty. Only, when he gave it to me, he was disappointed because one of the stones had fallen out. And I was disappointed because it wasn't my big diamond ring but we'll just keep that as our little secret. So last week when I finally had a couple of hours off at the same time the jewelry store was open, I trucked across town to have it fixed. Had it repaired, had all the stones checked, and I'll be damned if another stone didn't fall out of it yesterday. The jeweler will not at all be surprised to see me again, because I am totally all about high maintenance jewelry as I am bringing the charm bracelet in about every other day.

Poodle hater said that he felt bad about it, he shouldn't, but he said he would take it back and get me something else. I don't want something else. Perhaps a pin with stones that fall out is symbolic of our relationship? Or should I let him take it back and see what's behind door number 2?

I think all of the inauguration stuff is completely stupid. I think each president should only be allotted one inauguration celebration. If you are elected two terms, yes we can swear him in again and what not, but we don't need a bunch of expensive hoopla. Since he was prez before, wouldn't it have been cool if he would have said no inauguration stuff, let's donate a big chunk of change to feed the homeless, tsunami relief, SOMETHING.

Nate made the talent show at school. He's going to do magic tricks. Try outs were yesterday, so Nate and I celebrated last night with an Oreo Pie. I don't like Oreo's, but this was delicious. And just so you know, we would have celebrated with pie even if he hadn't gotten into the talent show. We would have just had a pie party for no good reason.

TOTALLY treated myself to PF Chang's the other day. Got the steamed veggie dumplings and Shanghai cucumbers. Total yummy.

Well, I guess it turns out I had quite a bit to write for someone who didn't know what to write. Must go. You see, I'm a very busy and important woman, and I have a meeting to attend. It's to discuss a printer, for cryin' out loud.

-Robyn...Shanghaied with the Hello Kitty toaster
- posted by Robyn @ 9:51 AM 1 comments

 
red streaks, nocturnal emissions and the deuteronomist
Outfit of the Day
It's blue jean day. As I rule, I really don't like jeans. But I make them look good. I have on my favorite Old Navy faded jeans. Size 6, so that makes us happy when we can fit into something size 6 from Old Navy. I have on a yellow oxford shirt from The Gap. Untucked. Then this grape-purple wool blazer. Shoes: black and white houndstooth kitten heels with patent leather bows. Super pointy toes. People, we don't always have to be so matchy-matchy. Sometimes it looks smokin' hot to not color-coordinate.

I do look really good but I'm not proud of the fact that I have on a plain white bra. Granted, it's a plain white bra from Victoria's Secret, but I feel so blah.

My hair looks awesome. My brilliant hairdresser put some red in place of some of the brown. Just had it streaked last night. My red-headed grandmother would be so happy with the way my hair looks. I feel super sassy with my darker hair, but I'll always be a blonde on the inside.

the men in my life

Poodle
OK. I saw something happen the other night when Okie was sleeping. I'm not quite sure what it was. Either he was having a seizure or a nocturnal emission. Is it possible for doggies to have nocturnal emissions? Some things cannot be un-seen. That's all I want to say about it.

Special Friend/Significant Other/Man of God/Boyfriend/Snog Partner
Well they are pretty much the same, aren't they? Whether, when becoming bored with you, they turn on ESPN, or pick up a book on Moses and the Deuteronomists.

justin time
I now have three watches that 1. have working batteries 2. display the correct time. I, as a rule, do not wear a watch. This is due to the fact that I was married to a watch for the better, or worse, part of a decade and it was completely unnecessary for me to know the time because he always let me know. He's one of those INSANE people who's definition of being on time actually means being 1/2 and hour early. But I had to go to the jeweler yesterday, you know, cuz the stone fell out of my big diamond ring, so I grabbed some watches out of my giant draw o' watches. I kind of toyed around with the idea of watch-wearing being a new year's resolution. Yep, still working on those. Anywho, Nate was not at all impressed with the watches. He informed me that even if I had a watch in my body I would still be late. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is precisely why the child is in the gifted and talented program.

Tomorrow is deluxe pedicure day. Woo-hoo!

-Robyn...what is a "deuteronomist" anyway and how can it be more exciting than my red high-lights?


- posted by Robyn @ 1:09 PM 0 comments

 
submitted for your approval
Apparently when you get "serious" with someone who is pastoral they have to go in front of the ministerial board.

I'm wondering, if in fact you get serious, if perhaps a joint meeting could be conducted with the Archdiocese processing my anulment. Perhaps I can be annulled and disapproved/approved in one giant swoop. Maybe we can take it one step further and bring in some representatives of the Church of the Jumbotron as I've not yet renewed my membership there. Maybe Kirk Cameron could officiate.

Anywho, what does the ministerial board need to do anyway? You'd think if anyone could hopefully make a wise relational choice it would be a pastor (Jim and Tammy Faye). Maybe the ministerial board could more wisely use their time with other sad saps who probably met their special friend significant other dog hater at someplace stupid like divorce support group or Walmart. Oh.

What would the ministerial board do? Are they going to want to make some sort of determination regarding whether someone's underwear is Nazarene enough? What do you do if they don't like small sweater-wearing dogs?

And if things ARE getting serious, somebody needs to go before MY board. I'm not sure who would be on it, but I bet Mom would like a spot.

I'll submit some things for your approval:
*The people at Starbucks can vouch for me.
*I don't have any tattoos. Willing to get one of a sock monkey if that would help.
*I've already been to miscellaneous Methodist, Assembly of God, Catholic, Baptist churches AND the Jewish temple. C'mon guys, let's be fair. Nazarene is the next logical choice!
*I have a lot of slips (even though I seldom wear one). Mom buys me a new slip every year. (Like slips can go bad?)
*I have a fabulous sense of style.
*I have a collection of Cherished Teddy figurines.

For your disapproval:
*I hardly ever check my post office box.
*My car is somewhat of a giant trash can.
*I told all of my employees today that if I can hear them talking they are entirely too loud. It has been the loveliest, quietest afternoon ever though.
*Last night for dinner, I had popcorn and lemon pepper seasoning. I'm not going to tell you if I actually put the lemon pepper on the popcorn. Today I have eaten part of a scone and some cheese nips.
*I cannot sleep and have major dark circles under my eyes.
*I secretly like Eminem and the smell of cigarette smoke.
*My pumpkin from Halloween is still sitting on my patio. It's now more of a scientific experiment than a decoration.

-Robyn

- posted by Robyn @ 2:32 PM 1 comments

 
plucking petals
he loves me, he loves me not
he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves Rat Dog not...he loves Rat Dog not....

I'm going to quit plucking the petals and just enjoy how pretty the flowers are and how nice they smell. Will save the plucking for my eyebrows.

Movie review
Saw "Finding Neverland". Good movie. I wanted to see "The Aviator" but I never have any sort of plan when I go to the movie. I usually just show up and see what's next.

Rented "Tanner on Tanner". Sucked! Didn't even make it 15 minutes in the DVD player. Now that everyone has the movie pass at Blockbuster, they never have any movies.

Other DVD update: have watched the first season of "Friends" on DVD. Was a Christmas present. Takes me back to a time in my life when I too was in my early 20's and still had hope. Also watched "Love Actually" again! Sister in law Candace was kind enough to get this for me for Christmas. Now I can watch Hugh Grant dance anytime I want. If that doesn't give you hope, I don't know what will. And the good news about watching all these DVD's is that my toenails and fingernails look quite pretty.

-Robyn...french manicured
- posted by Robyn @ 8:36 AM 1 comments

 
proudly brewing cynical thoughts
Went to a local church last night to see a band. The church was celebrating the opening of a new building. I could swear it was a gym, but they called it "The Cube". Not to worry, they had an explanation of why it's a "cube". Because a cube is complete (huh?), just like God's love for us is complete. They had a scriptural reference, I think it was in Ephesians 3, but I didn't catch the verse. And all churches celebrate new buildings by letting secular bands play, right?

I have attended worship in this particular church in the past. The church recently acquired a new, younger pastor when their senior pastor of ten years left. Even though this church was easily identifiable in the past as a typical "Baptist" church (really it was about as Baptist as they come) now it is ultra-modern and not unlike some of the other non-denom churches I've been to. Seems as though churches are becoming as *Generica* as everything else, and we all know how Robyn feels about a Wal-Mart approach to anything. However the Baptist church now proudly brews Starbucks coffee, and hey that is just the thing to make me sign up.

more religion cleverly combined with tv update
New tv gets TBN or the Trinity Broadcasting Network or Totally Big Nutjoblookinghairdos. Nathan and I spent some quality time at home today. Nathan turned on the big tv and said hey mom, look this station is talking about Jesus. That's good, right? I was mesmerized as some program hosted by Kirk Cameron started. The premise of the show was 1. how many people do you know who are not saved 2. what are you going to do about it.

First Kirk and his co-host (I have no idea who this other guy was) were on Alkatraz giving us a history lesson on the prison. Then they talked about how sin is like a prison. Then they went to a bar and talked to people at a bar, because you know stuff like booze can be a prison. They talked to this guy who was quite a drinker. I think they were wanting to portray liquor as a prison and a bad thing, but honestly this guy looked like he was having quite a bit of fun. Given the choice of hanging with tattoo mohawk guy or Kirk, not sure who I would have picked. Kirk and co-host hung outside of the bar and asked people if they were "good enough to get to Heaven". He interviewed two girls, one wearing a playboy bunny jacket, and asked them if they were good enough. They thought so, then Kirk went through some of the 10 commandments to ask them if they had any violations. Sure nuf, they did. I quit watching. It really was a train wreck of a program.

I dunno. I certainly don't have all the answers. I think Jesus wants us to go forth into the world and spread the news, but I don't necessarily feel that it's our job to "save people". We can't even save ourselves. WWJD - I think Jesus would totally go hang with mohawk guy and playboy bunny girl, I think he would just have a different approach than Kirk. But hey, no judgment here, whatever Kirk wants to do with his "Growing Pains" residuals is none of my bees-wax.

must change subjects
In addition to religious programming, when Nate and I were at home, Nate spent some time giving Mommy a make-over. Nate had bought me a giant makeup set for Christmas and made it his goal to apply every single cosmetic to my face this afternoon. Once I looked like a common prostitute, he thought it would be a great idea for us to go to Blockbuster and was quite upset when I insisted on washing up first. I mean, you never know when you might run into Kirk Cameron and a television crew.

-Robyn...looking pretty darn cute on a Saturday

- posted by Robyn @ 5:53 PM 0 comments

 
slim not shady and can't snap on a lid
why I am not fit for manual labor

Attempted to clean the carpet at the condo. Borrowed Dad's steam cleaner. Mom got real irritated that Dad was just letting me borrow it. She was of the thought that he should just come over and do it for me. No! I have a college degree! I am a very important woman. I manage people for cryin' out loud! Surely I can use the 12 volt Silver Black & Decker steam cleaner! So I schleped the steam cleaner upstairs. (This was after I had schleped the sweater wearing accoutrement of a dog and all my other stuff upstairs. I haven't made it home until I've had a couple of trips up and down the stairs.) Now back to our story already in progress. I filled it with cleaner and hot water, as instructed. I steam cleaned my floor, so I thought, but then I went to empty the supposed dirty water out of the reservoir tank, and it was empty. So I called parents. Mom answered the phone and I said ok what'd I do, shouldn't there be water in here? Mom got Dad on the phone. Dad sensing the wrath of Mom, as he had not just come over and done it for me in the first place, quickly said "I'll just come over!!!". Dad came over and basically SNAPPED THE LID ON TIGHTER for me. Sigh. So close. Almost.

Do feel really, really good about the weekend and upcoming week though. The condo is immaculate and the laundry is done, so maybe I can get in some much needed beautification of me me me - brows, mani, pedi and catch a movie and get a new book go to the gym. Yea for me. Nate is totally fixated on this local band and we are going to go watch them tonight. That'll be good - let the kid watch the show and learn some new guitar faces to practice.

In case you are wondering about what's been going on with my TV's. No doubt you are. As you will recall the last time we talked about it I now had 3 televisions for my 900 square foot condo. The television which is now in my bedroom has not been plugged in and has sat, unplugged, on my dresser for a couple of weeks now. So you can see that it is vital that I have a tele in my bedroom. I was also shocked and dismayed to discover new tv gets MTV2. I found this out when they were having a "best of Eminem" special. Thank goodness it was a short program and not an all day marathon, because I was totally sucked in. I think Eminem is a total genius and the fact that I like him is a dirty little secret I am sharing with you . Yes, just you. They also show Beavis and Butthead on the MTV2 which could be a real problem for me.

-Robyn
- posted by Robyn @ 8:16 AM 0 comments

 
slick in spots
I am so looking forward to getting up and going to work every day for the rest of my life.

It is cold and icy outside so the world has practically come to a standstill. Some things I don't like about the cold. I don't particularly like bundling up. It makes me feel all fat to have on say a t-shirt and a bulky sweater. But today I have on a sweater and socks that match so I am all matchy-matchy and cute. Old Navy rocks. Anywho, I'm also tired of my hair having the static. I'm using anti-static stuff and hairspray "product" and what not, but I still get the static.

Baby Names

In the news today. The top 10 baby names of 2004 (vs. 2003)
(You can also refer to these lists as what you should NOT name a kid)

Girls' names
Emma (Emily)
Madison (Emma)
Emily (Madison)
Kaitlyn (Hannah)
Hailey (Hailey)
Olivia (Sarah)
Isabella (Kaitlyn)
Hannah (Isabella)
Sarah (Olivia)
Abigail (Abigail)

Boys' names
Jacob (Jacob)
Aidan (Aidan)
Ethan (Ethan)
Ryan (Matthew)
Matthew (Nicholas)
Michael (Joshua)
Tyler (Ryan)
Joshua (Michael)
Nicholas (Zachary)
Connor (Tyler)

Assembling my OWN list of top baby names.
in no particular order
Reese (girl)
Keegan (boy)
Keely (girl)
Quinn (girl)
Larry (but only for a girl)
Carl (boy)
Jennie (girl)
Addie (girl)
Carmen (girl) - this is probably my favorite
Justice (either)
Pearl (girl)
Rose (girl)

Dinner with the parents again last night. Mom made fried chicken. I was assembling a plate for Nate and had the audacity to attempt to put a chicken leg on my child's plate. Mom said "NO"..."he doesn't LIKE fried chicken, I made HIM chicken nuggets". I find this terribly amusing (NOT) as I was raised in a home by two parents, one of them who strangely resembled this nugget-woman, who would not let me have my 5th birthday party until I finished ALL of my scrambled eggs (guess who no longer eats eggs) and prepared such lovely concoctions for us kids such as liver and onions. My how times have changed. And Nathan WILL eat fried chicken. I've seen him do it on many an occasion. And and and I am not a short order cook. I fix it, you eat it or starve. Or more like, I get take out, you eat it or starve.

Always be prepared (that's probably why I have assembled aforementioned list of baby names). My birthday is exactly 4 months from today. I won't give too many more warnings about my special day.

-Robyn...yes please
- posted by Robyn @ 6:03 AM 0 comments

 
startling revelations in the church foyer
more Nazarene underwear

Went to church with nice church boy, preacher man, significant other, special friend, romantic interest. Right before Sunday School, yes Sunday School, nice church boy pointed out that my purple bra was showing. Yeah, so what's it to ya?

There is something so non pastoral about me.

man-icure

Can't believe I forgot to share this little story the other day.

Mom and I kidnapped niece Kitty Kat on Friday. I asked former spouse if I could borrow Nathan at the same time, since he was under former spouse's care, custody & control. Of course former spouse agreed.

Right after we picked Nate up, former spouse called on the cell phone. Actual conversation. "Would you please take Nathan to get a manicure while you are out". "Nathan says you take him to the manicure place, and now he won't let me cut his nails because he says I hurt him and it doesn't hurt to get a manicure." (No, it doesn't *hurt* as long as you are secure with your masculinity.) OK! If you insist! So that's how we ended up with pretty nails for the new year.

We won't mention this little story to romantic interest, boyfriend, etc. etc. I already have a few strikes against me: the sweater wearing accoutrement of a doggie, Nascar, my beauty and power intimidates others, blah blah blah. However my membership at the Church of the Jumbotron expired at 11:59 p.m. December 31st, so I do have that going for me. Must be on best behavior with the man because if it's gone on for this long I may as well try to make it til Valentine's Day.

Got my period on New Year's. That seems like a crap way to start the year, even though it is nice to know I am in reproductive good health. I'm not sure who I should be angry with? Mother Nature? Eve? I dunno. But I am pissed at somebody.

-Robyn...no I don't have any farm clothes

- posted by Robyn @ 12:38 PM 1 comments

 
Non-Alcoholic Sparkling Cider
Mom got me pj's for Christmas. Mom either (1) doesn't realize I don't wear pj's to bed or (2) hopes that I will start wearing pj's to bed. I am blogging in them though and rather like them. They are red with coffee cups all over them. Pictures of coffee cups, that is.

My niece Kitty Kat (age 10) was in town for Christmas. I enriched the quality of her life by taking her to Starbucks and the fabulous mexican restaurant here in town. She was impressed to no end that the people in Starbucks knew me. I explained to her the sheer importance of developing these kinds of personal relationships.

When Kitty Kat and I were running around, we pulled up next to a police officer. Kitty Kat said a friend had told her to never get involved with a police officer because they are involved in a lot of violence and can get violent. So I asked Kitty Kat what kind of man should you get involved with? A rich one, she said. She'll do fine.

Kitty Kat and I both pulled our hair back in pony-tails and she was quite the mini-me. I tried to teach her a couple of new catch phrases, one being "we are not fit for manual labor". I guess I'll find out from my brother here in the next few weeks if any of them stuck with her.

Starting the new year off by blogging. That's good, right? Also, have a manicure and the condo is very very very clean. There is something to be said about starting the new year off with a freshly scrubbed toilet. I have also done almost all of my laundry. If you still care about this post at this point, bless your heart.

It was good to clean the condo. I was very reflective as I cleaned as I have lived here for almost a year now. It was nice to think about how blessed I am and how much I have enjoyed living here and how content I am with my surroundings.

I could not wait to gleefully rip down all of the Christmas decorations. What was I thinking? I mean it's not like anyone saw them! Did you come over? Noooooooo!

The last couple of Christmas's before I left my marital home were so bad. One year, I put up no decorations because Nate and I went out of town on one trip while my former spouse went on a complete and separate va-ca. Hmmmm, sign of things to come perhaps? Another Christmas towards the end I swear I left the decorations up way longer than I should have. I finally put everything away in the boxes, but I left the boxes piled in a corner in my living room until sometime in March. Twas not a happy camper.

This Christmas was not bad. It did not suck. Which is more than I can say for the past several years.

I love New Year's. It's a brand new fresh start. This past year had a whole lotta crappy in it. So I am excited about 2005 even though some people think things like watching the ball drop and drinking sparkling non-alcoholic cider is completely silly. I don't care. I know that I can have a brand new fresh start anytime. I did resolve that earlier in 2004 - July 1st. I was at On the Border and I was writing out "rest of the year resolutions". I started a blog. And you know what? The 2nd half of the year was WAY better than the first.

I'm going to make resolutions. Not right now though. It's two in the morning people! I'll probably take a notebook to Starbucks tomorrow and sit around and drink coffee and sketch them out. So I guess it's safe to say that no more Starbucks is not a resolution.

-Robyn...I did NOT get the Hello Kitty toaster for Christmas

- posted by Robyn @ 11:44 PM 1 comments

 
I want fudge year round! Not just at Christmas!
holiday update

Christmas is over. Thank the Lord. Thank you for baby Jesus, but thank you that this magical Christmas season is finally over. No, there were no small blue and silver Tiffany boxes in my stocking so the big diamond ring continues to elude me. Damn diamond diggers.

Nate could not go to bed on Christmas Eve. It was one in the morning before he finally gave it up. He had been with my former spouse that evening, and was no doubt left with minimal supervision around high sugar content items at a Christmas party they went to. By his own admittance, he had consumed at least two Coca Cola's. Nate was convinced Santa would not come because he could not fall asleep. I think that Nate thinks that Santa is a bunch of hooey but he is too afraid to admit that he doesn't believe on the slight chance that Santa is for real.

Two of the items Nate got were a K'Nex roller coaster set and an Icee machine. The K'Nex set said ages 10 and up. It came with approximately 10,000 pieces. My 31 year old brother spent about 8 hours trying to put together something that resembled a roller coaster before he finally abandoned the process. The toy box did not state that it required an engineering degree, but it apparently does. The Icee machine box said "easy to use! easy to clean!" Lying bastards! I have never in my life wanted to file a class action lawsuit, but after I assembled the 42 pieces for this Icee machine, and after we prepared a sub-standard Icee beverage, I was nearly at the point of contacting legal counsel. My son loved it, and that's all that matters. I did let him take the Icee machine to his dad's house, and we won't worry too much if that particular toy doesn't find it's way back to my house.

If you didn't get a Christmas card from me, don't feel slighted. It's because I think they are stupid. You are more likely to get a card on Arbor Day or Groundhog day. I got an assortment of cards given to me, and the majority of them had my name misspelled. I can't tell you how little it means to me that you care enough to give me a card but don't know that Robyn is with a y. Also please never get Mom a card. She saves every single card everybody ever gives to her. They are in a very large box in one of her cabinets. I've assured her when she dies I'm going to chuck the box in the garbage, yet she still saves them. Probably just because she knows how much trouble it will be for me later.

Every year I send the Christmas cards I receive to:
http://www.stjudesranch.org/Content/cardprogram.asp

I contemplated doing a Christmas letter, but it would have said something like I got a dissolution of marriage, paid too much for a car, lost my job, etc. so I didn't bother.

I got a Madonna CD for Christmas. Feel oh so happy listening to songs from 1984 at max volume on the car stereo.

Came home one evening last week to find that the Television Fairy (parents) had visited and had left a brand new, rather large television in my living room. My former television had been put in my bedroom. I am grateful for the gift, but I don't recall verbalizing to anyone that I wanted a new television set. In fact, I had just had a conversation with Mom that I very rarely watch television. I don't think that people, especially married people, should have a television set in their bedroom. I certainly do not think that me, Nate and Okie Dokie need three television sets in our 900 square foot condo. Freaky though....the new television picks up way more channels. I was only getting half a dozen or so channels because I think cable is evil and don't have it, but now I get more with the new tv.

Another weird electronic thing. One of Nate's electronic Christmas presents came with a card for us to fill out and send in to register the product, and it stated that if we registered and the thing ever got lost, they could track it for us. I don't want Magnavox to have that kind of power with my son's cordless microphone.

Okie Dokie doggie got a sweater for Christmas. It has a hood. He is now a sweater wearing accoutrement. He has been staying with Dad every day, you know, so I don't get evicted. He comes home at night completely exhausted from chasing around their dog who doesn't want her ass sniffed, thank you very much.

meaning of life update

Feel terrible about the Tsunami. Want to leave and become a relief worker. At Starbucks this morning looking at pictures on the cover of the New York Times. Piles of dead bodies, lots of kids. Feel as though my life has little meaning as I am waiting on my macchiato wearing my nice work clothes and Nine West high heels smelling like Tommy Girl perfume getting ready to go to my job in a nice, safe, warm office.

Thank goodness, I think the benadryl is finally kicking in.

-Robyn...somewhat of a sweater wearing accoutrement myself
- posted by Robyn @ 11:06 AM 3 comments

 
bic stick disappointment but hey there are tortilla chips
Job fair at work tonight. That means a crowd of unsuitable applicants rather than just one. But there will be cookies. I normally have to interview without cookies and juice, so that's a bonus.

Sweet-n-Low Daddy. Uh huh baby. In addition to no longer having to put gas in my car or take out my trash, brings me mexican food when I have to work late! mmmmm mexican food!
(There's a line in Shrek 2 where the Donkey says mmmmm mexican food. If I could insert sound clips, I'd do it here.)

Total Bic Stick disappointment.
I love Bic Sticks. They are my favorite pens in the whole wide world. I prefer the black over blue, but blue will do in a pinch. Recently purchased a pack. Instead of the 10-pack, they now come in a 7-pack. Clever. The odd number of pens in a package bothers me. I prefer the nice, even 10 pens. Also they are no longer white, but rather a transparent, frosted plastic. This bugs me. I have a preference for the plain-ol' white pen.

It really is the little things that make me happy. Delight me. Like the trash and the gas and the Bic Sticks and the tortilla chips. See how easy I am to please!

I'm probably on the verge of being evicted at the Condo because apparently my 8 pound dog barks incessantly when I'm away. My choices are: 1. get rid of dog. 2. move back in with parents. 3. move. 4. not ever leave dog home alone. Not sure what I'm going to do about this one. Okie Dokie went over to stay with my dad today while I was at work.

In an effort to continue to be as weird as I can at work, have yet another silver frame on my desk with pictures of non-real people in it. It's a picture I cut out of a magazine of old Barbies dressed up at a house party. It's right by the sock monkeys.

-Robyn.....everything is better with cookies and juice

- posted by Robyn @ 3:09 PM 1 comments

 
fairy godburglar says to drink lotsa water and stay away from the marigold walls
1. I should be sleeping but I am not. A strange man (a man I do not know) was standing by my stairwell when I got home, and it scared the crap out of me, so I'm blogging. He's probably my guardian angel or my fairy godfather, and here I am being ungrateful. You think I could feel secure with the guard rat dog I have here, but nuh-uh.

2. I feel like crap. Emotionally. Somewhat physically too. I think nutrition is a big part of it. Mexican food Friday night, mexican food last night, and miscellaneous Christmas party food in between. I'm sick of party food. I'm a real big believer in you can't change things overnight, some things take time, but what can I do right now, right this very minute to make a difference? I heard a little thing a few years back and it really stuck with me. If you want to change your life, don't try to change too much stuff at once. Just pick one thing. In one day, what one thing can you do different. Like a couple of days last week, that one thing was NOT going to Starbucks (oh if only I had said that on the panty day). Tomorrow my one thing is going to be drink tons and tons and tons of water. I was really good about this for a while. It is totally a habit you have to get into, because who really enjoys sitting around and drinking a bunch of water unless it has been filtered over delicious coffee beans and served with flavored syrups and nonfat steamed milk? Not I.

3. You've probably figured out by now this is not when I do my best work.

4. Nazarene Christmas party tonight. Wore: black a-line skirt, just below the knees. Fuzzy off-white sweater...deep v neck, ties at waist with satin bow. And since I did not want to appear too boring, catholic schoolgirl in not a good way with my black skirt and white sweater, wore bright blue Barbie shoes and big sparkly pin. Because I have a motto. You know that whole "what would Jesus do?" thing? Mine is sorta like that. Except it is "what would Sarah Jessica Parker wear?" And that's how I get dressed. Naturally I was the only person at the party in a skirt. And heels. But I don't care.

5. I cried when I saw marigold yellow walls today. Right before I left home, I started painting my entry hall marigold yellow. I always loved yellow walls. I have no idea why I felt the need to paint except maybe I thought the paint fumes would make me happy and forget about my miserable existance. I never finished painting my entry hall. I left it un-done. Just like the relationship. Just walked away. After I moved out, my mother in law practically moved in for a bit and repainted my whole house. She loved the marigold paint, and from what I hear painted practically the whole house in it. I find that so funny, because she never liked anything I did. I never got to enjoy my marigold paint. Why did the marigold walls have to upset me? Instead why couldn't I have just been able to think about that Sponge Bob episode where the teacher is in the yellow padded room and all the walls turn into Sponge Bob?

6. Last Christmas sucked. I was living with the parents and they bought my son a bunch of stuff/toys because they felt sorry for him because his parents were getting a divorce. There was one particular day when my Mom and Dad and I were wrapping presents and they decided I had not bought him enough, so they went out and bought him an X-Box. And I hate those things. Ugh.

OK, going to sleep. For a few before I have to get up and be boss lady. Bonus: I will already be cranky due to lack of sleep.

-Robyn...blogging in my turquoise blue plastic Barbie high heels but at least I took my makeup off

- posted by Robyn @ 11:47 PM 0 comments

 
panties panties everywhere
The kind of story that is absolutely hilarious.
When it happens to someone else.

Got up Saturday morning. Threw on jeans from Friday. Went to Starbucks. Ran into someone that I knew. It's bad enough I have on no makeup. Just a chit-chatting away, and he points to the ground. I'm thinking I must need to tie my shoes. Please God, please let that be it. Maybe I dropped something. Nope, there are last nights knickers which have fallen out of last nights jeans.

Oh the horror.

At least I can be proud of my nice Victoria's Secret thongs and not .88 cent special underwear from Walmart. However, if the undies were a bit bigger, perhaps one could keep up with them.

I swear sometimes that someone must be following me around, getting ideas for the next Bridget Jones book. Perhaps, someday I will have achieved the certain number of Bridget Jones-isms in my life that one must reach in order to be rewarded with a Mr. Darcy.

Moving on.

Fej, my opinion on the hair thing. Must comment. No one should pay off a little girl to grow out long pretty hair.

I had long pretty blonde hair all of my life. I finally worked up the courage to cut mine this year. And make it darker. I felt ridiculous walking around being my 32, 33 year old self and still looking like Barbie. After the big chop off, I walked into my parent's house and Mom said
"Oh your hair!"
"It's short"
"And it's browwwwwn!"

Mind you, it wasn't even that short, and it wasn't even that brown. Just the fact that it wasn't the whole white bleached out look anymore. Ugh. Anyway, I thought Mom was going to cry over my hair. She finally mustered a compliment "well it's your hair, you can do what you want". It took her a while to warm up to it but I think she digs my low-lights now. And the darker hair does make my blue eyes just POP right out at ya.

I do have a point here. I never felt like I could or should cut my hair because people make such a big deal over long pretty hair that you feel like you would be unattractive without it. A couple of people wanted to make some sort of correlation between getting the big D and cutting my hair when that had nothing to do with it. I could have cared less what my former spouse thought about my hair. It's all about me me me! I had just finally worked up a level of self confidence I think comes with age and maturity to know that I am attractive and like the way my I look no matter if I have the Barbie hair or not. Still working on the whole self confidence thing having to do with I am attractive no matter how much I weigh. Yeah right!

So, back to you Fej...your daughter...I'm thinking of starting a pool for to give her $$$ to do whatever the freak she wants with her hair. Let's not let 'em start thinking at such a formative, wee age that hair = pretty and that you should let a man tell you how to fix your hair. ; )

Had this whole laundry thing going on. I would wash clothes and not put them away. So I had scads of clean clothes just thrown about in my closet. And I have been working like a mad-woman, cracking the whip at the office and too tired to do much when I get home. I spent considerable time on the condo/closet yesterday which is good to get one's clothes organized. It is especially important to be responsible with one's underthings.

-Robyn...is it really wrong to eat my weight in tortilla chips

- posted by Robyn @ 6:24 AM 1 comments

 
nice girls finish last
Man World
I am in trouble, yet again, for being too nice. Cursed niceness!

Boss Land
It's doubtful anyone thinks I'm nice. I guess this is the universe's little way of balancing things out. Wouldn't want stuff to start falling off the planet or anything.

Kid Planet
Sunday night had a make your own pizza party and eat cookie dough with Nate the Great. Good Mommy. Made birthday party invitations without consent/approval. Bad Mommy. Read "Series of Unfortunate Events". Good Mommy. Honked horn at child when he forgot his backpack and scared the beejeebus out of him. Bad Mommy. I could go on and on, but you get the point.

H.R. pup-n-stuf
Okie Dokie apparently likes to bark when I'm not home. He NEVER barks when I am at home. In fact when I first got him it was a good while before I ever EVEN heard the dog bark and I was beginning to wonder. The first time I heard him bark it was when Nathan doned the Darth Vadar costume. But apparently a "neighbor" complained. I have a significant other, special friend, romantic interest, yadda yadda yadda who doesn't like my dog, and then suddenly my condo gets an "anonymous" complaint? Coincidence? Hmmmm.

Note to Fej:
1. Round brushes are scary. It has taken me years to master medium to long hair and the big round brush. Combine hair, blow-dryer, round brush and 5:00 a.m. and the result can be an emergency call to your hairdresser. We must take these things seriously.

2. You would not be the first man who's downfall was the direct result of this blog.

-Robyn

- posted by Robyn @ 7:41 PM 1 comments

 
Spackled, Sparkled and Sprayed Smurfette
Christmas Party. Ehhhhhhhh.

People, we are grown-ups. This is not the prom. (Even though some of us can still wear our dresses. Gosh I love to keep pointing that out!)

My dress was lovely, elegant...understated. It was black sheer overlay, with a gold slip-like thing underneath it. Not sparkly tacky gold, but satiny gold. It was very retro, 40-ish looking. Mid-calf length. Not too long, not too short. Not too fancy. Not too casual. Juuuuust right. Will be suitable for future Nazarene social events.

I did apply the three S's of party style:
-Spackle
-Sparkle
-Spray

OK, one more...stringy panties.

Now I will admit I did get a dress - $30. Pricey for me as my usual wardrobe item costs $7 for some reason. (The tag says it was made in India so it probably cost .40 to make and was sewn by a 4 year old working 20 hours a day who has a second job digging for diamonds.) I also got a mani and a pedi - did 'em myself thank you very much free free free! I did get my makeup professionally done, but that was free too. I had given Mom a gift certificate to a salon for Mother's Day and Mom re-gifted it to me so I could get makeup done for my party.

Oh my escort. I was very upfront with him that I am seeing someone, have a special friend, a good friend, a romantic interest, someone who calls me April and hates my dog. I already have one non-committal vertiginous (bet you didn't know blondes knew such big words) person in my life. A significant other. A Sweet-n-Low Daddy - you know, not quite a Sugar Daddy, but pretty dog-gone close. He will take out my trash and put gas in my car! And that I merely needed an escort to my party because I didn't want to go alone. What I meant by this is I am not interested and and I do not want to go to this office party alone because I am new and it is going to be awkward because I am boss lady and nobody likes me. What I really meant is I don't want you, I would really like the kind of guy who has a Smurf collection and I will be his Smurfette.

OK. Anyways, escort brought me roses. Very sweet, but seemed like a creepy way to start the friendly, platonic, escort, non-date of an evening. I don't know if he was being polite or if it was a romantic-type gesture. And I happen to personally associate roses as pretty special, as my former spouse of ten years only got 'em for me once.

One night, two dates!
I had another date after the Christmas party. Hey, if you are going to look that pretty, one date is simply not enough! I got to go eat my favorite Tres Leches cake. It was my favorite of the evening. The date, that is. Well the cake too.

And since we are in the season of gift giving, or re-gifting, I took Escort's roses and re-gifted them to a little girl today. Smurfette's gotta spread the joy around.

-Robyn...I am no longer afraid of my round brush.
- posted by Robyn @ 4:39 PM 1 comments